The next day Noah comes to check up on me. He shows up at the same time David and Alice do. It is awfully awkward and awkwardly awful. David seems completely unphased, but Alice stands in the doorway, frozen like an icy sculpture. I bitterly wish she was ice so I could melt her away.
Noah is the most distressed by this situation. He looks like he wants to beat the shit out of David. That or make him leave. Though the beating looks like it is going to win out.
"I should go," says Alice. And I'm surprised to see her move, she's been so still. Its like watching a statue come to life in a dream.
"No," I say, shocking everyone. "Stay. He'll need help carrying everything out, after all. Let me start by giving you back your shirt, Davey."
With a move that looks practiced, I pull off the shirt I have been wearing all night. I am not wearing anything underneath. I really don't care at this point.
Noah covers his eyes, as does Alice. David just stares. He is shocked, I can tell. I am so brazen, I don't even try to cover myself.
Proud, and a little nipply, I give David his shirt and glide out of the room. Okay, I don't glide. I run. I run and slam my door.
Then, right on cue, I burst into tears.
A thought occurs to me, amidst the tears and snot. A perfectly awful and wicked thought. Of course, I am beyond caring so it strikes me as not so evil. Stupid, obviously, but not so evil.
I've lost my mind. I know I have. But I am Alanis Morrisette in "You Oughta Know" right now. I want vengeance. Hell hath no fury and all that jazz. Except I am not thinking how this will punish me more than them. I should know better. I should think. But I don't care. I am a fool.
The old saying "A fool and his money are easily parted" is also true for virtue.
There is no point anymore. I am being super whiny and I don't care. I have no heart to speak of. I am heartless.
Was he sleeping with her this whole time? How long have I been blind to this romance blossoming? It couldn't have destroyed this much of my life that quickly could it?
No, things like this take time. A rose doesn't flower over night. Rome wasn't built in a day. And other such cliches.
Just like that I have a plan. I am going to sleep around. I've always secretly wondered about sex with other people. Now is the perfect time to find out. I am a brazen hussy after all.
Now I'm thinking about that raucous display and I'm blushing. However, I maintain that I don't care. Except now I feel how Eve must've felt when she realized her nudity. Ashamed.
I shouldn't have done that, but I've lost any will to control myself. I now have to face three people who saw me half naked. One of whom I hope remembers all of me naked. How embarrassing. Note to self, don't do that again.
Meekly, I peer out of the door. I don't see anyone. I do hear some muttered curses. The voice sounds like Noah's. Quietly, I creep down the hallway and peek into the kitchen.
Noah is in a tizzy trying to fix some coffee. My old fashioned pot confuses him. He's used to those one button brewers. Mine takes a little more time.
I don't see David or Alice. I look around, but still don't see them. Pretending I'm brave I walk into the kitchen. This time, fully dressed.
"Having trouble?" I say.
"Jesus," he says. He jumps and fumbles to catch his cup. "You scared the piss out of me! Don't do that."
I take his cup and set it on the counter. I remember when David and I decided on the dark granite when we remodeled this apartment. I also remember a few sexual episodes with me balancing on said counter. I hold back the tears and assist in the brewing of coffee.
After staring at me for a few moments, like I have suddenly transformed into Medusa, Noah shakes his head and sighs theatrically.
"I can't believe that you exposed yourself to all of us!" He finally exclaims.
"I've lost my mind, what can I say?" I go to the refrigerator and search for something, though I'm not entirely sure what.
"You mean you had one before?"
"No. Thanks for noticing." I retort sarcastically.
After the coffee is finished, I grab a cup and plop down on my purple plaid couch. I pull my legs up to my chest as Noah plops down beside me and sighs, again.
"So, where did the lovebirds go?" I ask.
"Well, after your little booby dance they promptly excused themselves saying they'd come back later. Which I'm sure they will come back. When you aren't here. In which case make sure you have everything marked."
"Ah. A ten year relationship reduced to a few boxes of crap. It really strengthens one's faith in love." I am restless. Part of me wants to tell Noah about my decision. But my mother didn't raise a fool. I become a fool all on my own. However, I have the feeling he would weaken my resolve. And that's the last thing I want.
Or maybe I want him to tell me I'm wrong and I need a hug and cookies to soften the blow of massive rejection.
I don't know what I want.
Actually, I want David. But that isn't going to happen now.
No comments:
Post a Comment