Sunday, January 06, 2013

Stuck in the Caverns of my Head

A sad tale, to be sure, I am currently being plagued by a severe case of writer's block and depression. No, I don't know why I'm depressed, I just am. I've been thinking a lot lately and I think I just think too much.

I feel like such a disappoint me sometimes. I've tried so hard to accomplish something, something to make my parents proud, make my grandparents proud, hell, make ME proud. I have yet to feel like I've done that. Though my mother and my step-father tell me all the time how proud they are of me.

One of the few things I don't like about my recent conversion to Islam is not showing my hair. I kind of miss doing cute things with my hair where people other than my husband can see it. I know wearing hijab isn't required to be a practicing Muslim, but I kind of enjoy wearing it. I feel more secure in it, even though I miss showing my hair.

I am surprised by how passionate I've become about Islam. I have always had a deeper desire to learn about it. A deeper desire to explore. I just didn't realize how much I would love my experiences with it. Even the bad ones. They have made me something more than I was. And I am okay with that. I feel like in some ways I have become better. In other ways I know I still need growing and maturing. Its a funny thing discovering that you are never as mature as you think you are. I still have so much growing up to do, in spite of all the growing I thought I had already done.

I have been thinking about guns, wars, hates and gods. I've been thinking about this world with all the people in it, all the beautiful things we could learn, and we still can't love each other. It hurts. I'm not sure why, but it does.

I have been dreaming about death and sadness. I wonder if it is an omen of things to come or a representation of my current surroundings.

A prevailing thought is that I have to be brave in the face of what I don't know. I have to keeping going forward because I am so close to something, even though I don't know what it is. I am standing on a precipice and all I hear is "I'm not going to fall, I can't."

And in the midst of all this, I hear Josh Groban singing "Brave." And I know those lyrics fit me somehow, but my puzzle is incomplete.


Tuesday, January 01, 2013

The Case for the Second Amendment.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States.

My personal opinion on the Second Amendment is this:

I, as a normal person, don't need an automatic weapon. It isn't needed for hunting and I'm not planning on killing anyone. Should military have these guns, yes. Should police have these guns, yes. But they have a different job than I do.

I like guns. They are fun to shoot. They are good to have around sometimes. But I don't need an automatic one. I don't feel like anyone should have an automatic weapon. They are dangerous and completely unnecessary to everyday life. My husband and I disagree on this point. He believes we should be allowed to have whatever weapons we want.

The reason I bring this up is because today (this first day of my shiny New Year) has been spent arguing with people about my choices in Religion and my choices in Politics (hopefully this day hasn't set the tone for the rest of the year).

One of my "friends" on Facebook (he is no longer a friend, as I have deleted him) posted the following on his wall, we'll call him Gunner since he is definitely for guns of all sorts.

Gunner: Bitch needs a home invasion... cunt'll change her tune with a quickness.
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Me: First of all, I really don't understand the need for a normal human being, like myself, to own semi-automatic weapons. When am I going to need that for hunting? When am I going to need to kill several hundred people at one time?
Secondly, I don't think that registering your weapons is a bad thing. Why wouldn't you want to know who has guns? I mean, if the crazy person next door has guns, wouldn't you like to know about it?
Thirdly, the fingerprinting, I agree with. I had to be fingerprinted for my job, what is wrong with someone getting fingerprinted for purchasing a weapon? However, I think fingerprinting should be enough in that situation, so I do disagree with the photography. People's appearances change, fingerprints don't. Unless you do something on purpose to change them.
Lastly, why would you say that? You've been posting verses, I've seen them. Why would you be quoting scripture and then turning around and calling someone a "b***h" and a "c**t"? Doesn't the Bible say "Judge not lest ye be judged"? And "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you"? And "Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him."?
You may disagree with what she says, but are you really being a good example by behaving in this manner? No. You are actually making an irrational and awful statement about attacking someone so that they will do things your way. Last I checked, that wasn't the American way (America is the land of the Free. Freedom to express personal views. Last I checked, that was the 1st amendment. Granted, that doesn't mean there aren't repercussions to saying what you want to, but she has the same basic rights everyone else does.) or the Godly way ("Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen").
Not trying to start a fight, just trying to show a different point of view.

MA (one of his friends): I wish I could have said it that well, Sarai. Thank you!

AB (one of his friends): My only issue with the whole thing is "like common criminals" Otherwise, there should not be any reason for anyone to have a problem with this. I own a gun and have no problem doing any of this because I am NOT a "common criminal."

Gunner: First and foremost either of you ever been hunting? No. Didnt think so. I just went yesterday. I took an automatic shotgun. ever had soemone blow your window out with a shotgun? nope. I have. I reacted with a semi auto weapon. and im alive today and a criminal is not. as for my religion, lets not go there. I post verse because it strikes m interest. I get pissed off, I speak. The bitch is trying to take my rights away. i think she needs a lesson on why we Do need automatic weapons. criminals can still get them even if I cant. MA you should damned well know how difficult that gunfight would be if you were the one without an automatic weapon. you'd be fuckin dead. i think people need to wake the fuck up and quit living in their dream world of "oh everythings ok except the war maybe if we ban guns all the bad stuff will go away and the government can take care of me" um no. the government A lies to you habitually B. doesnt care about you at all C. wants to run your life further than even the most repulsive liberal would want. I have registered weapons i have no problem with that but seriously people, dont tell me what kind of weapons i can and cant have. im not a criminal so ill listen but guess what the criminals wont. when they start kickin your door in on your family come talk to me and then tell me how you feel. If its at any doubt at all, yes you pissed me the fuck off. God Bless America.

Me: I'm sorry to have upset you, Gunner. Apparently you have changed more than I originally thought. I am sorry that you seem to be under the impression that because you have had bad things happen to you in your life that you should be allowed to force your opinions on others.
I'm also sorry that you seem to find Liberals "repulsive" as I am a liberal. I believe in equal rights for everyone, I believe in gun control because it is right, not because it will actually stop anyone. Will there always be criminals? Absolutely. Will there always be evil? Absolutely. However, I don't understand your reasoning behind this. No rights are actually being infringed upon. Nowhere in the second amendment does it say that you have the right to semi-automatic or fully automatic weapons.
The second amendment is still very important to me, no matter what. I believe that we have the right to bear arms. I believe that guns are important to the safety of anyone. My great-aunt has a rifle she keeps in her closet in case someone tries to break in. She has been fingerprinted for it and registered it with the State Police. Has she ever had to use it? No. But I'm grateful she has the right to have it.
I'm not living in a dream world. I know the government lies to me. I know everyone around me has two faces. There is the side the public sees and the side that the private world sees. I'm saddened by this, but it is a fact of life.
I'm also saddened by the fact that not that long ago you commented on something I had posted (as said by Eisenhower). He also said "A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." And that is all I'm going to say on the matter. [At this point I made the semi-painful decision to delete him from my friend's list. This is a friend I haven't seen in 10 years that I finally found after really searching. It was a disappointment to discover just how different he is now from the person I remembered.]

TB (one of his friends): ok i have read enugh bullshit gunner i have been in your life for 14 years and in all that time you have never shot a gun at a person. you can lie to these people on here and build your self up but lieing about shooting and killing them is a out and out lie

MA: You ever been to war? No, didn't think do. You were either too scared, or too stupid to join the military. Don't tell me about fire fights. Don't tell me what bombs are like. If you are going to live your life by your "messiah's" scriptures you might want to read what he said again.

So far this is all there has been to the argument. Because I commented on it before I deleted him I can still see the posts. I just can't comment any longer.

I've decided to keep this argument for posterity, as it shows a complete lack of understanding on some people's parts. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that my opinion was accepted amongst his friends, whereas I was afraid I would be attacked by them. I think the saddest part is that I thought we were on the same wavelength regarding gun control. The reason for that is the quote I posted at the very beginning of this post (which I also vaguely referred to in my reply to him, but I got distracted and forgot to finish the thought).

When I posted that quote this is the conversation we had:
Gunner: Im very very very pro gun (obviously) but he had a point to be understood. Well posted hon.

Me: I am also pro-guns, but I am also pro-regulation of said guns. The 2nd amendment even calls for a well-regulated militia, not an unregulated populace. Also, Eisenhower was a good president.
And I'm glad you think it was well posted


Gunner: Likewise, Every gun I own I gladly went through the due process of. Without one single complaint and Id gladly do it again. and yes he was.

Am I sad that I deleted him? Yes. Because I really had been looking for him this whole time. We were close until he moved and I was so excited when I found out he had moved back and I ran into him. So my heart is a little broken right now. It hurts losing friends. It hurts fighting with people on my very first day of the New Year. 

Would I delete him again? Yes. Because I'm not going to be treated negatively for having a different opinion and I'm not going to allow people to bring hatred into my life. I'm determined to be positive now. Its time for this Shiny New Year to really SHINE.

A Newer Year

Happy New Year Everyone!

Wow! Hard to believe 2012 is over already! Isn't it crazy to think about?

I'm personally excited about this New Year. It's all shiny and polished, like a pearl waiting to be set in the jewelry of life. I can't wait to see what happens this year!

Here is what I want for this shiny and beautiful New Year.

1. Write the good things that happen during the year on slips of paper and put into an empty jar. At the end of the year I will open the jar and read about all the wonderful things that happened during 2013, instead of reflecting on all the bad.

2. Keep a journal (better than I have been).

3. Put aside money each month.

4. Exercise and lose weight.

5. Read as much as possible. Read anything and everything.

6. Utilize LiveMocha and other resources to begin the journey to my Linguistics degree.

7. Finish "All of Her," "The Lion and the Unicorn," and one other randomly picked (previously abandoned) project.

8. Finally apply to school.

9. Stop being afraid to be me.

10. Be Happy.