The Meaning of Thanks

I used to think I knew what it meant to be thankful. The truth is that you don't know what thankful is until the thing you are most thankful for is gone. Much like love, thankfulness has become somewhat transient in my generation.

Today is Thanksgiving in America. We eat ourselves into a stupor, we watch football, we do everything except be thankful. And then, tomorrow, we try to run over our fellows for a bunch of junk none of us need! The trappings of this world don't make you happy or thankful. YOU make yourself happy. YOU choose to be happy. YOU choose to be thankful.

So, instead of being "thankful" for the 50% you're going to get off that holiday sweater tomorrow, maybe you should be thankful for the sweater you already have?

I keep telling myself that I'm thankful for all that I have. And I AM thankful for what I have. It is more than a lot of other people have. I have a car, a full-time job (with benefits), I am married, I have my own apartment, etc.

But I am most thankful for what I have HAD.

I had a wonderful Aunt, who pissed me off endlessly, but loved me fiercely.
I had a wonderful Memere, who still motivates me, even though she has been gone 15 years this year.
I had a terrible car accident, but it helped make me into the person I am today.
I have had a lot of horrible experiences, but they've all been making me into the Sarai I am.

I am thankful for all the love and support I have received over the years. I don't think I've said "Thank You" enough. For that, I'm sorry.

This next year, I want to be more thankful. Not just for one month. Not just for one day out of 365 days.

Have a happy Thanksgiving to my friends in the USA. Happy Chanukah to all of my friends who practice Judaism. Happy Holidays.

In Defense of Short Hair

The following is in response to an article I came across thanks to a friend on Facebook.
http://totalfratmove.com/why-girls-should-not-cut-their-hair-short/

~

To the frat boy who seems to think that short hair automatically makes a woman ugly,

In case you haven't looked in the mirror recently, you aren't such a peach yourself.

I promised myself that I wouldn't stoop to your level, because that would be insulting to ME. And my mother used to say "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." However, my mother also taught me to stand up for what I believe is right. So, instead of letting you continue, I'm going to stop you right there and I won't let you finish.

Boys (I wouldn't call you a man, because real MEN don't act the sexist pig) like to claim that sexism doesn't exist. And, if it does, it is most definitely MISANDRY, because Feminists are all man-hating bull dykes who make it impossible for a perfectly nice man to live with his simple pleasures. Feminists come in and ruin a perfectly good party or a perfectly good lay or a perfectly good "dumb blonde" joke because they're ugly and can't get a man.

The funny thing is that the term "feminist" is not limited to women of a homosexual nature. In fact, there are a lot of MEN (there's that word again and, no, it doesn't mean what YOU think it means) and women of varying sexual orientation, skin color and beauty make up the word. You think you can set limits, but in reality, it has to do with a collective conscience. All of us, who are living in the 21st century, realize that NONE of us are EQUAL until ALL of us are EQUAL. Meaning, that women should be able to *gasp* cut their hair, shave or not shave, dress how they want, etc. All things that men have been able to do.

And yes, Misandry does exist! It exists because BOYS believe that MEN can't express any feminine traits without being "gay," "pussy-whipped" or "weak." Misandry exists because BOYS don't know how to be MEN and they live like petulant assholes for the rest of their lives.

So, welcome to the 21st Century. Believe it or not Women can do any of the following:

* Vote
* Have Sex with WHOMEVER THEY PLEASE
* Dress how they want
* CUT THEIR HAIR
* Drive
* Have as many children as they want
* Go where they want
* Read
* Write
* Not shave their legs, privates or under-arms
* Own their own property
* Get a divorce from an asshole who thinks cutting their hair makes them ugly

Sincerely,
The Girl whose Husband helped her cut her hair short, because she wanted it that way, and who is still beautiful despite your stupidity.

50 Years.

50 years ago, today, John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated. The culprit, Lee Harvey Oswald (though his guilt is fiercely debated in certain circles), was later murdered in prison.

It was a death that rocked the Nation. Not just because it was the death of a president. But because it was the death of the youngest president, one of the most popular presidents of our time, because he was the president who put us on the moon.



"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties--someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I'm proud to say I'm a 'Liberal.'"



He fought hard during the Civil Rights movement, he worked to make living conditions better for the Native Indians, he put us on our Moon Landing path. He was a fan of Hemingway, he wrote a Pulitzer Prize winning book, he served his country in the Navy.

He was far from perfect (he had numerous affairs, one of which was with Marilyn Monroe). He made mistakes. He was human. He made this country better. Let's not waste the progress he made in his short time as the 35th president.



"Today and in the decades to come, let us carry his legacy forward." —President Obama on the Day of Remembrance for President John F. Kennedy (I couldn't have said it better myself.)

Oceanic Lullabies

“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”
― Edgar Allan Poe

I keep dreaming of the ocean. Everything in high definition, all colors; gorgeous. And it makes me sad and happy all at the same time. Sad that I have to wake up, sad that I'm not there, sad that I probably won't even see the ocean for another year or two. Happy that I have so vivid a dream as that, happy that I will see the ocean again (if only in my dreams), happy that there are oceans.

I hope I never stop dreaming of the ocean.

Lemon Stealing Whores

I blogged about James Deen (the porn star) recently, though he was more an afterthought in that blog. Anywho, part of the reason I blogged about him was because of an article I read about him doing a casting call for ladies, like myself, to do amateur sex scenes with him for his personal Porno web site.

Well, obviously I had to get to know Mr. Deen a bit better, so I've been reading his Twitter and his blog. It was on his blog that I discovered this totally safe for work gem of a video.

Or should I say, re-discovered. This video was featured in a Cracked.com article about such silly pornography premises... For some reason I can't find said article now, but to be fair, Cracked writes a lot about porn... More than I do anyway.

Anyway, here is the video.



That was awesome wasn't it? Now, do you want to get to know a bit of the guy who was in that? I certainly did, which is why I've been kind of stalking his blog and reading his twitter. Well, if you are interested, like I was, here is a very interesting interview with James Deen. I hope you enjoy it as much as Donnie and I did.

We Tell Boys.

We tell Boys...

You have to be strong.

You have to be sensitive.
But not TOO sensitive.

You have to be smart.

You have to be stylish.
But not TOO stylish.

You have to be sexually vigorous.

Because if you are TOO sensitive or TOO stylish you'll be labeled "gay," harassed, embarrassed, abused by your fellows who are too afraid of their own sexual insecurity to deal with you.

Because if you ARE NOT strong, smart or sexually vigorous you are somehow less than a man. You aren't a real "man" if you can't bench press or fuck all night.

We tell them to always take charge, even if they aren't more qualified than a girl.
We clap them on the back when they prove their "masculinity," be it sex or sports or something equally "macho."
We blame their clothes, "pink" is a girl's color and nice clothes can't be too nice or you are homosexual.
We blame their behaviour, but we don't stop it. We don't teach them that rape is wrong because its a matter of asserting dominance, asserting power. They have to be powerful, or they aren't a Man.

We snatch the moon from them and tell them they are fit only for football games, cars and sexual virility.
We tell them they to "sow their wild oats."
We tell them they have to be "macho," with a large penis and stamina to rival a stallion.
We tell them they have to be the barbarian, the head of the house, the stud, the bread-winner.

You can't be good at dancing or writing or sewing or crafting. You are strong, a manly man, the protector.

But there is no one to protect YOU. If you are abused, you are weak. If you are raped, it didn't happen. You are man, you can't be abused or raped. Only women can be taken advantage of.

You're pathetic.
You're weak.
You're spineless.
You're a bitch.
You're a limp dick.
You're a fag.
You're a woman.
You're stupid.
You're worthless.
You're ugly.
You're tiny.
You're useless.

We tell our sons this. And then we wonder why they commit suicide. Why they are emotionally disconnected from themselves. We wonder why they are strung out on drugs and alcohol, riddled with sexually transmitted diseases. We wonder why they don't strive for anything outside of this.

How can they fly when WE clip their wings at birth?

We Tell Girls.

We tell Girls...

You have to be sexual.
But not TOO sexual.

You have to be sexually appealing.
But not TOO sexually appealing.

You have to be sexually inviting.
But not TOO sexually inviting.

You have to be sexually enticing.
But not TOO sexually enticing.

Because if you are TOO sexually enticing, TOO sexually appealing, TOO sexually inviting or TOO sexual then you deserve to be raped, called a slut or a whore, harassed and embarrassed.

Because if you ARE NOT sexually enticing, sexually appealing, sexually inviting or sexual then you deserve to be called a prude or ugly, harassed, embarrassed and molested.

We tell them to always tell the truth and then we call them liars.
We accuse them, the wronged party, of being the aggressor.
We blame their clothes, that we tell them to wear or they aren't pretty or they are too uptight.
We blame their behaviour, that we've told them is the way to behave or they are too prudish.
We blame everything and everyone but the ones who deserve the blame because of what we tell little girls.

We snatch the moon from them and tell them they are fit only for pink dresses and white weddings.
We tell them they have to be virgins, but they have to be sluts too.
We tell them they have to be skinny, but they can't be TOO thin.
We tell them they have to be the maid, the cook, the servant, the mother, the wife, the whore. They have to fit in the stereotype allotted to them.

You can't be good at math or driving or science or fighting. You are weak, a vessel to be filled by your husband, your father, your brother, your male protectors. You can't defend yourself.

But if you don't fight back, then you wanted it to happen. You brought it on yourself. You DESERVED it, didn't you?

You don't know what is best for You. Or your body. Or your children. Keep those tits out, unless you are using them to feed your babies, because that's obscene.

You're disgusting.
You're filthy.
You're vain.
You're a bitch.
You're a whore.
You're a slut.
You're lying.
You're stupid.
You're worthless.
You're ugly.
You're fat.
You're useless.

We tell our daughters this. And then we wonder why they cut themselves. Why they are bulimic, anorexic, compulsive eaters. We wonder why they are pregnant at sixteen and married at seventeen. We wonder why they don't strive for anything outside of this.

How can they fly when WE clip their wings at birth?

James Deen and the Panty Palace

If you had the opportunity to film your very own, amateur, porn with a famous porn star, would you?

Let me ask it this way: Let's say that you find said porn star immensely attractive, the scene is done to your specificity, all the necessary precautions are taken (testing, birth control, etc.) AND you could potentially make money off of it (I don't know, for certain, but I mean... You could, I guess)?

I came across this very interesting article on Huffington Post Women (I follow the Huffington Post on Facebook and in general) while I was looking at a completely different article on one woman's brave views in the face of a double mastectomy from breast cancer. And I should probably be blogging about that video instead... However, I have a lot more to say about Porn and Sexual Freedom. I don't feel like Sexual Freedom gets enough positive input either. I think we can all say lots of nice things about a woman fighting breast cancer and talk about how brave she is. But no one ever calls a porn actress brave. Well, not brave in the same sense.

Beside the point, I'm sorry. Let me have a moment to get back on topic... *deep breath*

Originally I wanted to write this blog about James Deen, the porn star. I wanted to write about the decision to make a porno and I was going to post pictures of him looking adorably average and quirky cute. I may still do that, but now I've started really thinking about this.

No one ever calls a Porn Star brave. There are lots of things we call Porn. Scummy, disgusting, exploitative, etc. We have all these negative connotations toward Pornography, simply because it is porn. But let's take a moment to think about this.

Pornography is the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purpose of sexual arousal.

A lot of us use Pornography to masturbate. Some of us use it as a stimulant to get things moving; like a sexual version of a cup of coffee in the morning. Some of us hate that we watch it, but are helplessly addicted. Some of us don't understand the point of it. Some of us use it as a pulpit to preach on the sins of mankind and still others of us use it to preach the sexual revolution.

So let's talk about the Sexual Revolution.

Your sexuality, no matter what it is, is intrinsic to who YOU are as a person. Your turn-ons, turn-offs, preferences, orgasms, etc. That is all a part of YOU that can't be removed. So we spend the majority of our lives hiding our sexual proclivities and oddities.

Which leads me into thinking about the darker side of sexuality. Rape, incest, bestiality, necrophilia, pedophilia. I believe that sexuality is intrinsic to who you are, so what does that say about these things? What does that say about a person who chooses to do those things? Make no mistake, in the end it is a choice. Sexuality isn't a choice, ACTING on your sexuality is.

I used to think that, being a feminist, I was doing others of my gender a disservice by enjoying a pornography. I used to think that God would smite me where I stood for daring to be aroused by women, by men that weren't my husband. I used to think that something was wrong with me.

That's what today's society does to you. Not porn. Porn exists because there is a market for it. We're all in the market to be sexually aroused. Its in our NATURE. We were created to be sexual beings. Even Christians would have to agree with that because the clitoris has no biological function besides orgasm. It lends nothing to the creation of life. SOCIETY is the one that tells you that it is wrong. That sexuality is wrong. That being a sexual creature is wrong.

What's wrong with me is that I have believed I was sexually worthless because I am fat. That no one could ever possibly find me sexually attractive because of my body. Because I based all of my opinions about myself on whether or not someone found ME sexually appealing. In reality, I should've been looking inwardly and seeing if anyone found me to be more than a body in a bed.

I may not shave my legs. Or wear sexy lingerie. I may read too much. I may be fat. I may be ugly.

And those are all the feelings I felt when I saw the link for doing an amateur porn with James Deen was still active. "James shoots with ALL types of women. Confidence is key!" The thought wasn't that I was married. Or that if I decided to do a porno it would be available on the internet to people who may know me. No. The first thought was "I'm far too fat and ugly to shoot a porno with."

I. Yes, I would do a porno if I weren't married.
II. Why? Because I could say I did. Because I could break a lot of the stereotypes I hold in and about myself. Because I see nothing wrong with pornography as long as everyone is a willing participant.
III. I've rambled enough for one evening. So, here is a picture of James Deen and maybe I'll think of what it was I wanted to say originally later.

Not Writing

Hello Everyone,
Long time, no serious blogging. For this I am extremely apologetic, though I won't say that I'll do better, because I think we all know that is a dirty, dirty, lie. I have the best of intentions, but never seem to follow through.

Right this moment I am trying to breathe some new life into myself. Things have been a little... Shall we say, Nuts? Insane? Dare I say, Crazy? Yes, all of that and more.

I'm trying to find another job, write on "All of Her" (facebook.com/easiertofallapart), write on my K-drama I started ages ago, WRITE ANYTHING! Really, I'm trying to write and I'm just not doing so great. Too many ideas, too much desire, not enough drive.

Sorry, this has been kind of depressing. I promise to blog something awesome soon!

In the meantime, feel free to check out my other blogs:
septembertarantella.blogspot.com (this has all of my writing)
theletterunsent.blogspot.com (this a collection of letters to random things, people and what-nots)

much love,
Sarai