Love is Love is Love is Love!

I've never cried over a wedding before. This had me crying hard. So beautiful. Love is so beautiful. In every way!

Abnormal.

Normally this would be the time of year that I rant about the rampant commercialism and hypocrisy surrounding one of the biggest holidays of the year. I do that often. Rant, that is. I rant about a lot of things. A lot of the time. I can rant until I'm blue in the face, but it changes nothing. Not a single thing. I'm not even sure it changes any opinions.

I just keep talking, hoping that someone will come to their senses, but I'm not sure they do.
Its a side effect of being a Libra, if you believe in that kind of thing. I want everything to be balanced. I want intelligence to be prevalent and acceptance to be commonplace. I want everyone to be happy. That never happens.

I think I'm done with that. I can't change the world as a whole. I am just one voice. Just one verbose, opinionated, ranting, voice. I raise it, but am I really heard?

I'll keep ranting, keep talking, if only to hear myself I guess. I just am not going to pin my hopes to changing anything. I'm going to pin my hopes that I will change one mind and they will raise a voice to join mine. And maybe that will happen and maybe it won't.

I feel abnormal right now. But I'm tired and don't feel like fighting.

Random Tweets

These are random tweets from my Twitter (@wicked_roses). I hope you enjoy my zaniness.

April 2011
"I finally got a Twitter. Is it normal to feel like I just sold my soul to the Devil? Because that is totally what it feels like right now."

 "A vampire's kiss to resurrect her, a wicked kiss to seduce her. Lost in the tapestry of love and lust, a dagger soaked in blood."

"I want Starbucks. And not to have to go to work... just sayin'."

"Dreamt that I was listening to music by the Beatles with Ringo Starr. I think that is going on my bucket list."

"I am going to be lost in a Korean music kick... Don't send the search dogs, I'll be fine!"

"The Vampire watermelon pushed against the poor girl, kissing all the way up her neck until it had reached the apex of her anatomy."

"The line "Esc-a-pay. That's funny, it's spelled just like the word 'escape'." is not funny in Spanish."

"Dreamt about Russell Brand texting me about a story I wrote. Weird."

"Yay Easter dinner means Cheese Pizza and cookies when you are on your own! ^^ I don't like Ham anyway. Happy Zombie Jesus Day!"

"Piglet doesn't get any love. Just sayin'."

"Actually got my fucking Starbucks today. Damn them and there high prices. Cocoa Cappuccino is good!"

May 2011
"Oh. My. God. Gackt is not only a God, but he is most definitely THE SEX. *just died*"

"'Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.' - Mark Twain"

"Jeez louise! "Friday" by Rebecca Black is a shitty song... She sounds like a monotone pekingese trapped in an electro basket. Eek."

"'I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy.'"

"All ends are beginnings. Welcome to your beginning graduates of 2011. So proud of you."

"Fenris, why must you give me so much trouble?! I know you have the whole brooding hot elf thing going, but you are making this love harder!"

"Why does the first part of 'Judas' always make me think of Vampires? I don't understand!"

"I seem to have misplaced my name, can I borrow yours?"

"So the world didn't end yesterday. Can't say I'm surprised. Who else saw that not happening?"

"Fenris, why can't I get you to love me?"

June 2011
"Groucho Marx is a god."

"Had a dream about young Michael Jackson, Archie Bunker and a wonderful play. Unfortunately Archie Bunker ruined everything. Stupid Man."

July 2011
"I TOTALLY JUST GOT A LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!! XD"

August 2011
"Drunks breaking into your vehicle at 12 something at night is NOT fun. I repeat NOT FUN!"

September 2011
"Guess who got married? This girl right here!! So happy to finally be married to my wonderful Husband!"

November 2011
"Is it bad that I feel like a rock star in my new white jeans?"

"I wish I was a red-head again. I felt so pretty."

"The dog peed on my brand new white jeans. Other than that had a lot of fun. Happy Turkey Day to everyone!! I hope you have fun."

December 2011
"The Dutch speak 4 languages and smoke marijuana. - @eddieizzard makes me giggle. Every time."

"It is amazing what a shower does for your mood, your outlook on life and, not least, your personal hygiene. I feel much better. I'm hungry."

"I want to be better than I am. I want to be brilliant. I want to be perfect. But perfect never really comes does it?"

"@zachbraff That's almost like cheating really. I mean, who is going to purposefully go for frankincense? Gold sells better, just sayin'."

"It should be illegal to have to work at 3:00am the day after Christmas. Just sayin'."

January 2012
"Great start to the New Year: Migraine headache, crashing the van, breaking my favorite cup. What next? Alligators in top hats?"

"I am out of cheerios. This is a crisis of astronomic proportions. :("

"Milk duds, with their self-deprecating name and remarkably mild flavor, are the most apologetic of the boxed candies."

"Thinking about flying a kite at night with a glow stick attached."

"Randian Philosophy states that Man is heroic, with his own happiness as his moral purpose and reason his only absolute."

March 2012
"#iusedtothink but then I remembered that I'm a woman and I belong in the kitchen."

"Want to blog, eat some yogurt... Do something worth tweeting about?"

April 2012
"Going to go see Titanic in 3D!!"

September 2012
"Tweet. Tweet tweet tweet, tweet tweet."

December 2012
"My hijab brings all the boys to the yard..."

February 2013
"The whole while playing the game of truth and falsehood, waiting on this tightrope, only to stumble and drown because of my heart."

"Maybe its me, but could we consider the possibility that it could be you?"

"I'm not saying that I want to be mean, I just want to be the kind of girl Matchbox 20 sings about."

March 2013
"@WilliamShatner how many Chuck Norrises could Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck Norris could Chuck Norrises?"

April 2013
"The stars made us and we are composed of the dust of stars."
July 2013
"Well, at least I can recognize 사랑 when I see it."

August 2013
"I am here; in a physical, metaphysical, astronomical, way. Distribute me into particles and watch me explode."

November 2013
"All I want for Christmas is a slow-dance with Morgan Freeman. #christmaswishlist"

December 2013
"Hell, I make it up as I go anyway."

"What does it take to be the other half of a soul?"

"The ocean always spoke to her in ways no human voice could. It spoke to the parts of her that descended from mermaids and myth."

"Your songs are left unfinished, your coffee left un-drunk."

Vaginal Art

People seem to have this preconceived notion that the vagina is ugly, disgusting, naughty, etc. The truth is that the vagina is just flesh, just like any part of the body. The difference is that the vagina is specifically for sexual intercourse and babies.

And now its also for knitting. :)

A World Away

Many years ago there was an HIV/AIDS Epidemic in the United States. It is no longer at such dramatic proportions in the US, but it is still an Epidemic for many other parts of the world. Especially portions of Africa.

Yesterday (Dec. 1st) was World AIDS Day and former US President, Bill Clinton, did an episode of Sesame Street in South Africa to teach young children about HIV/AIDS. This was a beautiful video and I'm not going to lie, I cried. A lot. Because I can't even imagine how terrifying it must be to have this infection in your body and to not even be hugged because people are so ignorant. Especially for a child, who desperately needs hugs and love and kisses to feel better.

HIV/AIDS is not a "world away." It is not a fairy tale that exists somewhere else. It is happening to people, to children, all over the world.

The In's and Out's of Success

I've had several friends tell me that my being in a relationship/being married is an "accomplishment."

Here are a couple reasons I have a problem with that statement.
1. Being in a relationship is NOT all there is in life. It should probably be noted that the majority of people who say this to me are single. Its not that big of an accomplishment to get married unless you have never been able to be married before (i.e. Gay marriage, interracial marriage, etc.), in that case its a big freakin' deal. But the fact that any Tom, Dick and Harry can get married does not inspire my belief in your statement.

2. When you say that my marriage is an "accomplishment" it almost cheapens it. Its like I got an achievement on my X-Box or something, its not a real thing. Its just something that looks good on a resume. Especially since anyone can do it. Any idiot can get married (except people who love the same gender, as previously stated). And most of those idiots end up getting divorces too.

3. Marriage is hard work. It is a continuing process. An accomplishment implies that it was finished. Marriage is never really finished (unless you die or get divorced). It keeps going. You have to keep working at it. Hard. Did I mention that marriage is hard work? You know why? Because you have to give 100% on both sides for it to work. It's not that 50/50 bullshit you read about. No. When you get married you commit your whole person to another person. You don't just give them sections of you. You are committing to give them your everything.

4. When I think of accomplishments I think of things like: Going to college, getting a degree, getting a job in your field, following your dreams, seeing places you've never seen (and no, I don't mean the men's restroom in Arby's. Everyone's seen that), etc.

Maybe its just me, but I'm not entirely sure about this love affair we have with getting married. I mean, the tax break is good, but that's about the only thing that changes. I will grant that the sex is better too... But other than that, not a whole lot changes when you get married.

The Meaning of Thanks

I used to think I knew what it meant to be thankful. The truth is that you don't know what thankful is until the thing you are most thankful for is gone. Much like love, thankfulness has become somewhat transient in my generation.

Today is Thanksgiving in America. We eat ourselves into a stupor, we watch football, we do everything except be thankful. And then, tomorrow, we try to run over our fellows for a bunch of junk none of us need! The trappings of this world don't make you happy or thankful. YOU make yourself happy. YOU choose to be happy. YOU choose to be thankful.

So, instead of being "thankful" for the 50% you're going to get off that holiday sweater tomorrow, maybe you should be thankful for the sweater you already have?

I keep telling myself that I'm thankful for all that I have. And I AM thankful for what I have. It is more than a lot of other people have. I have a car, a full-time job (with benefits), I am married, I have my own apartment, etc.

But I am most thankful for what I have HAD.

I had a wonderful Aunt, who pissed me off endlessly, but loved me fiercely.
I had a wonderful Memere, who still motivates me, even though she has been gone 15 years this year.
I had a terrible car accident, but it helped make me into the person I am today.
I have had a lot of horrible experiences, but they've all been making me into the Sarai I am.

I am thankful for all the love and support I have received over the years. I don't think I've said "Thank You" enough. For that, I'm sorry.

This next year, I want to be more thankful. Not just for one month. Not just for one day out of 365 days.

Have a happy Thanksgiving to my friends in the USA. Happy Chanukah to all of my friends who practice Judaism. Happy Holidays.

In Defense of Short Hair

The following is in response to an article I came across thanks to a friend on Facebook.
http://totalfratmove.com/why-girls-should-not-cut-their-hair-short/

~

To the frat boy who seems to think that short hair automatically makes a woman ugly,

In case you haven't looked in the mirror recently, you aren't such a peach yourself.

I promised myself that I wouldn't stoop to your level, because that would be insulting to ME. And my mother used to say "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." However, my mother also taught me to stand up for what I believe is right. So, instead of letting you continue, I'm going to stop you right there and I won't let you finish.

Boys (I wouldn't call you a man, because real MEN don't act the sexist pig) like to claim that sexism doesn't exist. And, if it does, it is most definitely MISANDRY, because Feminists are all man-hating bull dykes who make it impossible for a perfectly nice man to live with his simple pleasures. Feminists come in and ruin a perfectly good party or a perfectly good lay or a perfectly good "dumb blonde" joke because they're ugly and can't get a man.

The funny thing is that the term "feminist" is not limited to women of a homosexual nature. In fact, there are a lot of MEN (there's that word again and, no, it doesn't mean what YOU think it means) and women of varying sexual orientation, skin color and beauty make up the word. You think you can set limits, but in reality, it has to do with a collective conscience. All of us, who are living in the 21st century, realize that NONE of us are EQUAL until ALL of us are EQUAL. Meaning, that women should be able to *gasp* cut their hair, shave or not shave, dress how they want, etc. All things that men have been able to do.

And yes, Misandry does exist! It exists because BOYS believe that MEN can't express any feminine traits without being "gay," "pussy-whipped" or "weak." Misandry exists because BOYS don't know how to be MEN and they live like petulant assholes for the rest of their lives.

So, welcome to the 21st Century. Believe it or not Women can do any of the following:

* Vote
* Have Sex with WHOMEVER THEY PLEASE
* Dress how they want
* CUT THEIR HAIR
* Drive
* Have as many children as they want
* Go where they want
* Read
* Write
* Not shave their legs, privates or under-arms
* Own their own property
* Get a divorce from an asshole who thinks cutting their hair makes them ugly

Sincerely,
The Girl whose Husband helped her cut her hair short, because she wanted it that way, and who is still beautiful despite your stupidity.

50 Years.

50 years ago, today, John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated. The culprit, Lee Harvey Oswald (though his guilt is fiercely debated in certain circles), was later murdered in prison.

It was a death that rocked the Nation. Not just because it was the death of a president. But because it was the death of the youngest president, one of the most popular presidents of our time, because he was the president who put us on the moon.



"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties--someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I'm proud to say I'm a 'Liberal.'"



He fought hard during the Civil Rights movement, he worked to make living conditions better for the Native Indians, he put us on our Moon Landing path. He was a fan of Hemingway, he wrote a Pulitzer Prize winning book, he served his country in the Navy.

He was far from perfect (he had numerous affairs, one of which was with Marilyn Monroe). He made mistakes. He was human. He made this country better. Let's not waste the progress he made in his short time as the 35th president.



"Today and in the decades to come, let us carry his legacy forward." —President Obama on the Day of Remembrance for President John F. Kennedy (I couldn't have said it better myself.)

Oceanic Lullabies

“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”
― Edgar Allan Poe

I keep dreaming of the ocean. Everything in high definition, all colors; gorgeous. And it makes me sad and happy all at the same time. Sad that I have to wake up, sad that I'm not there, sad that I probably won't even see the ocean for another year or two. Happy that I have so vivid a dream as that, happy that I will see the ocean again (if only in my dreams), happy that there are oceans.

I hope I never stop dreaming of the ocean.

Lemon Stealing Whores

I blogged about James Deen (the porn star) recently, though he was more an afterthought in that blog. Anywho, part of the reason I blogged about him was because of an article I read about him doing a casting call for ladies, like myself, to do amateur sex scenes with him for his personal Porno web site.

Well, obviously I had to get to know Mr. Deen a bit better, so I've been reading his Twitter and his blog. It was on his blog that I discovered this totally safe for work gem of a video.

Or should I say, re-discovered. This video was featured in a Cracked.com article about such silly pornography premises... For some reason I can't find said article now, but to be fair, Cracked writes a lot about porn... More than I do anyway.

Anyway, here is the video.



That was awesome wasn't it? Now, do you want to get to know a bit of the guy who was in that? I certainly did, which is why I've been kind of stalking his blog and reading his twitter. Well, if you are interested, like I was, here is a very interesting interview with James Deen. I hope you enjoy it as much as Donnie and I did.

We Tell Boys.

We tell Boys...

You have to be strong.

You have to be sensitive.
But not TOO sensitive.

You have to be smart.

You have to be stylish.
But not TOO stylish.

You have to be sexually vigorous.

Because if you are TOO sensitive or TOO stylish you'll be labeled "gay," harassed, embarrassed, abused by your fellows who are too afraid of their own sexual insecurity to deal with you.

Because if you ARE NOT strong, smart or sexually vigorous you are somehow less than a man. You aren't a real "man" if you can't bench press or fuck all night.

We tell them to always take charge, even if they aren't more qualified than a girl.
We clap them on the back when they prove their "masculinity," be it sex or sports or something equally "macho."
We blame their clothes, "pink" is a girl's color and nice clothes can't be too nice or you are homosexual.
We blame their behaviour, but we don't stop it. We don't teach them that rape is wrong because its a matter of asserting dominance, asserting power. They have to be powerful, or they aren't a Man.

We snatch the moon from them and tell them they are fit only for football games, cars and sexual virility.
We tell them they to "sow their wild oats."
We tell them they have to be "macho," with a large penis and stamina to rival a stallion.
We tell them they have to be the barbarian, the head of the house, the stud, the bread-winner.

You can't be good at dancing or writing or sewing or crafting. You are strong, a manly man, the protector.

But there is no one to protect YOU. If you are abused, you are weak. If you are raped, it didn't happen. You are man, you can't be abused or raped. Only women can be taken advantage of.

You're pathetic.
You're weak.
You're spineless.
You're a bitch.
You're a limp dick.
You're a fag.
You're a woman.
You're stupid.
You're worthless.
You're ugly.
You're tiny.
You're useless.

We tell our sons this. And then we wonder why they commit suicide. Why they are emotionally disconnected from themselves. We wonder why they are strung out on drugs and alcohol, riddled with sexually transmitted diseases. We wonder why they don't strive for anything outside of this.

How can they fly when WE clip their wings at birth?

We Tell Girls.

We tell Girls...

You have to be sexual.
But not TOO sexual.

You have to be sexually appealing.
But not TOO sexually appealing.

You have to be sexually inviting.
But not TOO sexually inviting.

You have to be sexually enticing.
But not TOO sexually enticing.

Because if you are TOO sexually enticing, TOO sexually appealing, TOO sexually inviting or TOO sexual then you deserve to be raped, called a slut or a whore, harassed and embarrassed.

Because if you ARE NOT sexually enticing, sexually appealing, sexually inviting or sexual then you deserve to be called a prude or ugly, harassed, embarrassed and molested.

We tell them to always tell the truth and then we call them liars.
We accuse them, the wronged party, of being the aggressor.
We blame their clothes, that we tell them to wear or they aren't pretty or they are too uptight.
We blame their behaviour, that we've told them is the way to behave or they are too prudish.
We blame everything and everyone but the ones who deserve the blame because of what we tell little girls.

We snatch the moon from them and tell them they are fit only for pink dresses and white weddings.
We tell them they have to be virgins, but they have to be sluts too.
We tell them they have to be skinny, but they can't be TOO thin.
We tell them they have to be the maid, the cook, the servant, the mother, the wife, the whore. They have to fit in the stereotype allotted to them.

You can't be good at math or driving or science or fighting. You are weak, a vessel to be filled by your husband, your father, your brother, your male protectors. You can't defend yourself.

But if you don't fight back, then you wanted it to happen. You brought it on yourself. You DESERVED it, didn't you?

You don't know what is best for You. Or your body. Or your children. Keep those tits out, unless you are using them to feed your babies, because that's obscene.

You're disgusting.
You're filthy.
You're vain.
You're a bitch.
You're a whore.
You're a slut.
You're lying.
You're stupid.
You're worthless.
You're ugly.
You're fat.
You're useless.

We tell our daughters this. And then we wonder why they cut themselves. Why they are bulimic, anorexic, compulsive eaters. We wonder why they are pregnant at sixteen and married at seventeen. We wonder why they don't strive for anything outside of this.

How can they fly when WE clip their wings at birth?

James Deen and the Panty Palace

If you had the opportunity to film your very own, amateur, porn with a famous porn star, would you?

Let me ask it this way: Let's say that you find said porn star immensely attractive, the scene is done to your specificity, all the necessary precautions are taken (testing, birth control, etc.) AND you could potentially make money off of it (I don't know, for certain, but I mean... You could, I guess)?

I came across this very interesting article on Huffington Post Women (I follow the Huffington Post on Facebook and in general) while I was looking at a completely different article on one woman's brave views in the face of a double mastectomy from breast cancer. And I should probably be blogging about that video instead... However, I have a lot more to say about Porn and Sexual Freedom. I don't feel like Sexual Freedom gets enough positive input either. I think we can all say lots of nice things about a woman fighting breast cancer and talk about how brave she is. But no one ever calls a porn actress brave. Well, not brave in the same sense.

Beside the point, I'm sorry. Let me have a moment to get back on topic... *deep breath*

Originally I wanted to write this blog about James Deen, the porn star. I wanted to write about the decision to make a porno and I was going to post pictures of him looking adorably average and quirky cute. I may still do that, but now I've started really thinking about this.

No one ever calls a Porn Star brave. There are lots of things we call Porn. Scummy, disgusting, exploitative, etc. We have all these negative connotations toward Pornography, simply because it is porn. But let's take a moment to think about this.

Pornography is the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purpose of sexual arousal.

A lot of us use Pornography to masturbate. Some of us use it as a stimulant to get things moving; like a sexual version of a cup of coffee in the morning. Some of us hate that we watch it, but are helplessly addicted. Some of us don't understand the point of it. Some of us use it as a pulpit to preach on the sins of mankind and still others of us use it to preach the sexual revolution.

So let's talk about the Sexual Revolution.

Your sexuality, no matter what it is, is intrinsic to who YOU are as a person. Your turn-ons, turn-offs, preferences, orgasms, etc. That is all a part of YOU that can't be removed. So we spend the majority of our lives hiding our sexual proclivities and oddities.

Which leads me into thinking about the darker side of sexuality. Rape, incest, bestiality, necrophilia, pedophilia. I believe that sexuality is intrinsic to who you are, so what does that say about these things? What does that say about a person who chooses to do those things? Make no mistake, in the end it is a choice. Sexuality isn't a choice, ACTING on your sexuality is.

I used to think that, being a feminist, I was doing others of my gender a disservice by enjoying a pornography. I used to think that God would smite me where I stood for daring to be aroused by women, by men that weren't my husband. I used to think that something was wrong with me.

That's what today's society does to you. Not porn. Porn exists because there is a market for it. We're all in the market to be sexually aroused. Its in our NATURE. We were created to be sexual beings. Even Christians would have to agree with that because the clitoris has no biological function besides orgasm. It lends nothing to the creation of life. SOCIETY is the one that tells you that it is wrong. That sexuality is wrong. That being a sexual creature is wrong.

What's wrong with me is that I have believed I was sexually worthless because I am fat. That no one could ever possibly find me sexually attractive because of my body. Because I based all of my opinions about myself on whether or not someone found ME sexually appealing. In reality, I should've been looking inwardly and seeing if anyone found me to be more than a body in a bed.

I may not shave my legs. Or wear sexy lingerie. I may read too much. I may be fat. I may be ugly.

And those are all the feelings I felt when I saw the link for doing an amateur porn with James Deen was still active. "James shoots with ALL types of women. Confidence is key!" The thought wasn't that I was married. Or that if I decided to do a porno it would be available on the internet to people who may know me. No. The first thought was "I'm far too fat and ugly to shoot a porno with."

I. Yes, I would do a porno if I weren't married.
II. Why? Because I could say I did. Because I could break a lot of the stereotypes I hold in and about myself. Because I see nothing wrong with pornography as long as everyone is a willing participant.
III. I've rambled enough for one evening. So, here is a picture of James Deen and maybe I'll think of what it was I wanted to say originally later.

Not Writing

Hello Everyone,
Long time, no serious blogging. For this I am extremely apologetic, though I won't say that I'll do better, because I think we all know that is a dirty, dirty, lie. I have the best of intentions, but never seem to follow through.

Right this moment I am trying to breathe some new life into myself. Things have been a little... Shall we say, Nuts? Insane? Dare I say, Crazy? Yes, all of that and more.

I'm trying to find another job, write on "All of Her" (facebook.com/easiertofallapart), write on my K-drama I started ages ago, WRITE ANYTHING! Really, I'm trying to write and I'm just not doing so great. Too many ideas, too much desire, not enough drive.

Sorry, this has been kind of depressing. I promise to blog something awesome soon!

In the meantime, feel free to check out my other blogs:
septembertarantella.blogspot.com (this has all of my writing)
theletterunsent.blogspot.com (this a collection of letters to random things, people and what-nots)

much love,
Sarai

Brushing off the Dust

For anyone who is interested, I just wanted to say that I am brushing some of the dust off my story "All of Her," which I've not finished yet.

I'm hoping to rework some of it and actually get it finished, but I'll need your support!

For anyone interested in reading what I've already written (pre-edits, by the way) you can find them at:
http://septembertarantella.blogspot.com look under January of 2013. There IS a prologue, so make sure you start with that.

Feel free to comment or otherwise show support. And feel free to share my writing blog with your friends!!

This has been a self-plug announcement from Sarai, we'll return to your irregularly scheduled insanity shortly.

Decriminalize the Human Body

Dear Radio station,
Sad to say that I un-liked your page today because of comments made about Breast Feeding in public causing people to "lose" their appetite.

Would you like it if you were forced to eat your dinner in a public restroom or a hot car or under a stuffy blanket?

Breasts were intended for the feeding of children and if some people can't be adult enough to handle that a child is hungry, maybe they shouldn't be eating in public.

sincerely,
Sarai.

Response:
"We do apologize if we offended you in any way. I will have a conversation with the air talent and try to figure out a way to resolve the situation. Until then I do express my gratitude of your listernership and I hope this incident doesn't deteriorate your listening to B-- in the future. -Management" 

"Pam at B-- will be interviewing our very own Georg'ann C. and Ann Marie N. on Monday, October 7th at 11:15am. Tune in for a great conversation on breastfeeding."

When is Rape Okay?

When I was a little girl (and later, as a teenager) I was violated, sexually. Not quite the same way as rape, it never went quite that far (though there is a question about that when I was very small and have no recollection), but it was still without my consent and therefore a form of rape. Part of the problem is not knowing when to say "No" and part of the problem is that we all seem to be under this delusion that just because there wasn't a "No" means its a "Yes."

Another, far larger, part of the problem is that some of us seem to be under the impression that its okay to force someone to do something sexual; even if they say no.

What are we teaching our children about Rape? Are we talking about how wrong it is? Are we saying it is NEVER okay? That just because she didn't say no, doesn't mean she said yes? Apparently we aren't saying enough because below are the answers Teenagers are giving in response to my question. Not just teenage boys, either. Teenage girls are saying this too! Are we really existing in a time when 31% of our daughters believe they deserve to be raped if they were going have sex with their partner, but changed their minds?

The Morals of Incest.

If two consenting adults engage in sexual activity should said sexual activity be, in any way, be regulated or controlled by the government?

If said consenting adults were brother and sister (brother and brother or sister and sister), should their relationship be regulated by the government?

That is the question that came into my head after I stumbled upon a video featured on the Huffington Post website about a German couple, brother and sister, who fell in love and have four children together. The brother is currently appealing his jail sentence for incest and his lawyer kept saying how he couldn't believe that in this day and age we were still having to fight over two consenting adults being allowed to engage in a sexual relationship.

This brought up so many other questions for me as well... Questions regarding sexual freedom, the meaning of consent, the choices we make, etc.

I read an article once, whether it was based on fact or fiction I don't know, about fraternal twin brothers who had fallen in love with each other. They had been trying to date other men and had been trying to stay away from each other because they believed what they were doing was wrong. But they couldn't stop being in love with each other. So they asked the question "What should we do?"

Is there morality in something like incest? Why do we even believe it is wrong? It can't be from the Bible, because many famous couples, including Abram and Sarai, were brother and sister. Incest was actually something to keep bloodlines "pure."

But then you have to ask yourself, where do we draw the lines for these things? Sexuality isn't finite. It is infinite in scope, desires, etc. Is it wrong for the government to control a couple who is in love, of age and consenting?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/12/patrick-stuebing-susan-karolewski-incest-germany_n_1420107.html

On Monday...

Dear Aunt Peggy,
I keep expecting you to call, even though I know you're not going to. I keep expecting you to leave me a voicemail message, saying, you know, "what do you want for lunch on Monday?" And I keep thinking "what am I even going to do on Monday?"

I've had a lot of suggestions.

"Well, you could always catch up on all your reading." or...
"I'm sure you'll come up with something, you have plenty of time." and...
"What will you do on Monday?"

My answer is, I don't know.

What will I do on Monday, Aunt Peggy?

You're not going to be there and I keep thinking, "man, I kept putting off cleaning those pictures for you. And, man, I kept putting off going and seeing you there at the end. And, man, I did a lot of putting off didn't I?"

And then I keep thinking you never broke any promises to me before now. In one fell swoop, you broke several.

I don't have a picture of you. Besides the one I took on my phone when you weren't paying attention. Can't see your face.

And you broke your promise that you would live to 100, 'cause we still had seventeen more years to go.

And, you know, broken promises. I'm not angry at you. I just wish you'd been able to keep them.

But I keep thinking that you had the spaghetti and meatballs all ready. And that you were so excited we were going to have spaghetti and meatballs because we hadn't had it in a long time.

And I keep coming back to "what am I going to do on Monday?"

Because we're not going to get to share our McDonald's cup of coffee anymore.
And we're not going to get to eat goulash together anymore.
And we're not going to get to rant at Pat Robertson anymore.
And we're not going to get to do any of those things anymore.

So, what am I going to do on Monday, Aunt Peggy?

What am I going to do on Monday?

I thought maybe I'd still come and share a cup of coffee with you.
And maybe I'll bring my books and I'll bring a blanket to sit on so I don't get grass stains all over my rear.
And maybe I'll go and buy a chocolate soda.
And maybe I'll figure out how to make goulash on my own.
And maybe I'll use those potholders that you gave me.
I'll put up all the knick-knacks you gave me.
There's a lot of maybe's.

But Aunt Peggy, I'd much rather be with you. I'd much rather actually be getting to see you than wondering what it is I'm going to do.

Who am I going to watch "The Price is Right" with?
Who am I going to banter with about who pays for what?
Whose going to make me ham salad even though I don't eat pork? But I eat it anyway because you made it. The only time I ate pork for a really long time.
Whose going to worry about me while I'm off gallivanting in DC and whose going to ask me what "erectile dysfunction" means and whose going to ask me all these questions I don't know how to answer?

Its not fair, Aunt Peggy.
I love you.
I miss you.
I'm sorry I didn't come and see you at the end.
I'm sorry.

The past has teeth

The best line, as far as I am concerned, in this piece is:
"Hate is a strong word, but it is the only strength I have left. How am I to forgive the men that severed the trunk of my family tree and used its timber in the fireplaces of their own homes?"

Old for my Age

Chronological age is the reason we have such a thing as "Statutory Rape." No matter how "old" she was, she was not old enough to consent to sexual intercourse. This was RAPE and it was just as cruel, if not more so, because this was a man who should have been teaching her, not violating her and her rights.
 
A lovely young woman has lost her life and in death has not only received even more injustice, but has lost any chance of true justice as Double Jeopardy would now be in effect.


http://www.xojane.com/issues/stacey-rambold-cherice-morales

Aussie Pride

Also Jesus didn't say that... It was quoted from the Old Testament (Genesis 2:24; written by Moses) in the New Testament (Ephesians 5:31; written by Paul). Jesus, quite literally, said nothing against Homosexuality. If you are a pastor, mayhaps you should actually know what you are quoting?

Endless Oceans of Time.

Two years ago I said "Sure, why not?" (no, really, we said that) when asked if I would take a certain man to be my lawfully wedded husband.

We've been together for five years, married for two. He is still my best friend. He still drives me crazy. He still makes me angry. He still makes me look at the world differently. He still makes me want to scream and rant and sometimes want to give up. But he still makes me want to hang on and work through it and realize that I've never loved anyone the way I love him. Even when he makes me angry. Even when I want to give up. Even when I think "I can't possibly take anymore."

Love isn't perfect. Love is not always kind. Love is not always gentle. Love is not always blind.

Sometimes love is cleaning up vomit. Sometimes love is fighting and clashing and still holding each other after you're done saying what you need to say. Sometimes love isn't love at all, but crosses over that ever so thin line of hate and then crosses back over, shaken by what it found on the other side of that boundary. Sometimes love is saying you are sorry, over and over and over again.

And it is all worth it, even if it doesn't always last. It is always worth all the effort you put into it. I have not regretted marrying you, Donnie. Sometimes I question "Why?" But I have never regretted it.

I regret that there are only so many days in a single lifetime to spend with you. I regret that eventually we'll be separated by this thing called Death.

I love you, dear one. Despite everything else. Despite ourselves. I love you.

A Dozen Reasons

A friend of mine on Facebook posted the following image:



This was my response.
1. Dogs aren't sentient beings who can sign a marriage certificate and the fact that we relate homosexual people to animals is wrong in every sense of the word. (And if we are going biblically, I can think of several people I know who have sexual intercourse outside of marriage, which is also a sin. And lots of politicians like to have affairs, which is also a sin. And eating pig meat/touching pigs is a sin. The list of sins goes on and on. Someone loving someone else shouldn't be up for some politician to decide on.)

2. Oil companies make millions of dollars a year off of gasoline and they pay less taxes on it than you and I do.

3. The government shouldn't be spending our money on prisons, guns and what not when they could be spending it on feeding our children, fixing our roads and providing proper healthcare and education for the future voters.

4. You DO have freedom of speech. There are consequences for EVERY action. You can say what you like, doesn't mean that you should.

5. Its not about whether or not YOU are responsible enough to own a gun; its about making it safe for everyone and still maintaining the Second Amendment, which says nothing about being able to own whatever gun you want. For example: You live near a seemingly nice individual. He has been proven to be mentally unstable and has been in and out of the hospital for increasingly terrifying paranoid episodes where he believes everyone is trying to attack him. There is no background check for his mental history. He is able to purchase a gun and then he loses it and shoots a bunch of people up. Including children. I'm sorry, I just don't feel like someone who has been proven to be mentally unhinged should be allowed to have a weapon of any kind.

6. Global Warming is brought to you by Scientists and not Weathermen, so this argument is both invalid and silly. I don't know about driving a Prius, but you don't have to be any political party to care about whether or not your planet is being taken care of.

7. I do care about babies dying. I care about the millions of little children that are starving in the United States alone. I care about a young woman who has been raped and is being forced to carry the child of said rapist simply because someone's beliefs are different. I don't hold to Abortions. I don't like them. But I believe they should be safe and legal if someone should have to have one. And no one should judge what someone else is going through unless they've been through it themselves.

8. I think everyone should be able to have free health care. Health is part of the pursuit of life, happiness and liberty. And we were all illegal immigrants way back when we got here. That is not to say that I approve of disregarding immigration laws, because I don't. But if someone comes here illegally and tries to make up for it by becoming a legitimate citizen they deserve the same treatment as a legitimate citizen.

9. Businesses should be able to profit without beggaring the people that work for them. Wal-Mart makes millions of dollars a year while the majority of their employees have to be put on Government programs to take care of themselves. $7.25/hour is not enough to survive on in this day and age. Minimum wage in other countries that can compete with ours on economic levels are upwards of $16/hour.

10. No one is trying to re-write the constitution. However, no one seems to try to actually follow it either. Freedom of Speech, freedom of Religion, etc.

11. Actually the majority of our oil comes from here. Followed closely by Canada and Latin America. Only 12% of our oil comes from the Persian Gulf, while almost 40% comes from here.

12. I used to be a Republican. I started doing research and listening to other people's points of view. I started reading books and trying to understand where other people stood on different topics. I came away with the belief that I may never change the world, but I could change how I viewed it. Instead of being told what to believe I decided what I wanted to believe. And that's part of the reason I vote Democrat. I still vote from some Republicans, but I pay very close attention to where they stand on certain issues and I do my research, ALWAYS. I don't want to be led when I can lead.

Barbara.

A lot of stuff has been happening recently, so I've been more than a little absent. This is only one small slice of the greater issues, but it is still an important piece.

On Saturday night my Aunt Barbara passed away after a long battle with Alzheimer's, a disease that also claimed my grandmother in 2011 and my great-grandmother years ago.

My Aunt Barbara was an amazing woman and I already miss her like crazy.

Today at the funeral I just kept thinking of all the wonderful memories, a little cache I have from my childhood that I keep for rainy days. And I want to share a few with you.

When I was a little girl, my Aunt Barbara gave me books about Princess Diana. Why? Because after I heard about Princess Di's death on the radio I wanted to know more about her. She gave me three or four books that I read and re-read, for years.

There were many times that Chris, Hannah and I would be at Aunt Barb's house and we would play with her dogs and watch "Free Willy." It was one of my favorite movies for a long time because of watching it at her house.

One time she recorded Chris and I singing Judy Garland songs (we were obsessed with her and sang her songs ALL the time, poorly I might add). She saved those videos and gave them to me a few years later.
She always smiled. I don't remember ever seeing her frown. Even when I knew she was sad. She was an amazing lady and I am so sad to have lost her.

The good news is I will always have these beautiful memories to pull out when I'm sad and miss her.

Rest in Peace Aunt Barb. Tell Grandma and Grandpa I said hi.

A Dreamer

What would happen if we all shook hands with the "enemy?"

The "enemy" is us.

With love to Russia.

My darling Russia,
next to the United States you have been my biggest supporter on my blog(s). And, truly, it isn't your fault that Vladimir Putin is such a jerk-face that he has now relegated Homosexual/Bisexual/Transgendered people into a myth that Christians tell to frighten their children into submission.

Be brave, sweetheart. The world is changing. We are the ocean and we are shifting. Take heart in that there are those of us who believe in LOVE, no matter WHO you love or WHY. Be brave because one day there will be people, like Mr. Putin, who are no longer taken seriously and are merely ignored. I don't know when that day will come, but it WILL.

In the meantime, I still love you, dear Russia. And I still can't wait to visit you someday.

with much love,
Sarai

Strip down or Ship out.

I read a lot. And I mean, A LOT. I read articles, books, posts, etc. I read just about anything I can get my hands on. Which explains a few of my posts and a few of the changes in opinion I've had over time. And, once again, it is reading that has brought up what I'm about to say.

One of the pages I follow on Facebook posted the link to an article about Mackenzie Rosman.


If you are unfamiliar with the child star, she was in the WB tv show "7th Heaven," which was a Christian/family program that began in the mid-90's. On the show she played "Ruthie," not the youngest child, but almost. The show ended in 2007 and, officially, the only actor/actress to come out of it with a career was Jessica Biel.

Now it seems that Ms. Rosman has decided she wants a jump-start to her career. This decision has led to stripping down in the leading rag/mag "Maxim."

http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/when-former-child-stars-strip-for-another-chance-at-fame-20130804-2r75e.html

I am all for women being naked... or mostly naked. I love the expression of self that often comes with nudity. What I don't like is that so many women feel they HAVE to get naked to be famous or to jump-start a career. You are never going to be appreciated for what you can do if all anyone sees is your nakedness. And I'm not saying that to be cruel, but its true. With women especially!

If you strip down, men will only see you have a great body and women only see you as being a whore. Which is awful, but how society sees things.

It isn't just the patriarchy that keeps women down. Other women keep their sisters down.

Mackenzie, you are beautiful, you don't have to be naked to prove it. I'm sad that she chose this step.

Note to the Hypocritical.

I find it fascinating. Truly, I really do. Its amusing.

I always thought that the Bible said to:
* "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39)
* "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority." (Hebrews 13:17)
* "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3)
* "Love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you," (Matthew 5:20)

I find it interesting how few people actually follow those verses, while preaching them all the time. Its so convenient to preach, but so inconvenient to follow. If you are going to go so far as to call yourself something, perhaps you should actually read and follow what you claim to believe?

And the cries of the children were silenced.

I was going to hold off on writing about George Zimmerman and the conviction he should've received for the death of Trayvon Martin, but I can't.

I can't help but believe that Trayvon has become our modern day Emmett Till. And I'm not the only one who believes this. (Look up Emmett Till and you'll see what I'm talking about.)

From day one people tried to tear down Trayvon's image. Who cares if he wasn't perfect? Does that make it okay to kill someone? Does that suddenly mean that George Zimmerman is a hero rather than a criminal?

If Trayvon had been a white boy and George Zimmerman a black man, would he still be walking away scott free?

A Feminist.

Alternate title: How becoming a feminist completely turned my world upside down.

Despite all the religious stifling/brainwashing when I was growing up, I still managed to hang on to my core belief that women should be treated as equals.

In spite of all the abuse and the attempted crushing of my spirit, I have come out on top.

And I have come out a feminist.

However, something that a lot of people don't seem to realize is that, being a feminist doesn't make me a man hater. It doesn't make me a Lesbian. It doesn't change anything about me. I'm still Sarai. I've always been this way, it was just buried.

Being a feminist is about equality. Not just women's rights, but rights as a whole. Everyone's rights. The right to choose, the right to love, the right to be who YOU are. That's something a lot of women have forgotten.

We're not fighting so that our daughters will be free, though that is part of it. We are fighting to show our sons that they don't have to be threatened by a strong woman and that being strong isn't always about who is dominate.

We crush our men. We crush their emotions into a powder, because crying is too 'feminine.' We mutilate their bodies, without their permission, and then tell them to suck it up, get over it. We tell them it isn't possible for them to be raped because they aren't a woman. It isn't possible for them to be abused by a woman because that somehow degrades them. Its wrong for a man to be smart, to be intelligent, etc. Its wrong for him to express anything other than sexual desire or anger. And even anger is supposed to be suppressed.

We've created this image of a man that has to be brave, powerful, idealistically masculine. What is masculinity?

The dictionary defines masculinity as 'The quality or condition of being masculine. Something traditionally considered to be characteristic of a male.' And we, as a collective societal whole, have turned this into being tough, not crying, not saying 'I love you.' We've turned it into suppression. We've turned it into something so twisted.

But we, as women, want a man who can open up, one who can express himself. Then we turn around and tell him to "man up," "be a man," "grow a pair," etc. We are just as guilty of tearing the male gender down as the rest of the Patriarchy.

We, as women, destroy our sons, our brothers, our husbands, etc. We claim to want them to be able to "open up" and be vulnerable, but we take that vulnerability and turn it against them. I've watched my girlfriends do this to their husbands. I've listened to them brag about the verbal guttings.

There is no equality if we are still denying it to someone else.

Take a moment to read this article and watch the video. I, personally, can't wait for this movie to come out. I want to start working on building up not just my own gender, but the Male gender. I want to help our Men get back to being themselves, not the idealistic "male" we have tried to shoehorn them into being.

http://www.policymic.com/articles/54105/the-one-thing-all-men-feel-but-never-admit

Belief

Note:
This list is in no particular order.

1. Circumcision is wrong, no matter your gender, simply because it takes away YOUR right as a human being to decide what is done to your body, even if you are infant.

2. Abortions should be legal for everyone. I may not always agree with it, but I have not stood in that woman's shoes and should not be allowed to make decisions for her. Regardless of my personal views.

3. Gay marriage should just be Marriage. And MARRIAGE is a human right that should be available to anyone. (If you are one of those people who likes to quote the bible, but you are living in "sin" with your boyfriend, keep walking. Hypocrisy doesn't further your viewpoint.)

4. All Human Beings were created EQUAL.

5. Marijuana should be legal. It should be controlled, like alcohol and cigarettes, but it should be available for consumption instead of crowding up our prisons.

6. Equal pay for Equal work. How hard is this concept?!

7. Healthcare should be free.

8. Rapists should be punished, not the victim.

9. Freedom of Religion means freedom for ALL religions, not just yours.

10. If you don't vote you have no right to bitch.

Respect for the Enemy.

 Can someone explain to me two very important things:
1. Why is Guantanamo Bay still open?
and
2. Why do we keep our prisoners there?

Last I checked Cuba and the USA were not the best of friends, so can someone explain to me why we would keep our political prisoners there?

The following video is hard to watch. It is difficult, but it is relevant. I am sad that Mos Def went through this situation, though I am proud of him for bringing this issue to a forefront.



"If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner."
- Nelson Mandela.

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
- Mark Twain

"It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business."
- Mahatma Ghandi

"In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior."
- Francis Bacon


"Racism is a refuge for the ignorant. It seeks to divide and to destroy. It is the enemy of freedom, and deserves to be met head-on and stamped out."
- Pierre Berton

DOMA Defeated.

"The Defense of Marriage Act, the law barring the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages legalized by the states, is unconstitutional, the Supreme Court ruled Wednesday by a 5-4 vote." - Huffington Post.

Congratulations to all those who are in love with someone of the same gender!!

The One and Only

Has anyone seen the newest Cheerio commercial? It is one of the most precious commercials I've ever seen. It features a beautiful little girl (with the most amazing hair!) and her mom talking about the heart health of Cheerios. The little girl then runs off and dumps a bunch on her father's chest, because she wants his heart to be healthy.



Now, did you see anything wrong with that commercial?

No?

Neither did I. But apparently a bunch of people did.

I get really tired of blogging about how ignorant and racist people are. I get really tired of seeing it all over my computer screen. I get tired of hearing about the evils of immigration and the evils of gay sex and the evils of interracial relationships.

You know what I see when I watch that commercial? A little girl that loves her Daddy so much she wants him to be healthy. I don't see color, I don't see who her parents are. I see a child who loves their parent.

Its exhausting, sometimes. Standing up when everyone seems to have glued themselves to their seats. Seriously, this is 2013! GROW UP! We're not our ancestors, trapped in the muck and mire of hatred and ignorance. We are the NEW AGE. We are the FUTURE.

Its sad times when a Hispanic kid is told to "#gohome" simply because he is Hispanic. No one seems to care that he was born HERE and raised HERE. We see his skin and say "He's illegal."

We have a black president and everyone is up in arms about every little thing he does, even though the presidents before him did the same damn thing. You know why? Because he's Black and Bush was white. And even though the majority of people I know HATED Bush, they say Obama is awful and Bush was better and blah blah fucking blah!

I'm OVER it.

GROW THE FUCK UP PEOPLE!

A HUMAN Right.

I understand that a lot of people believe that marriage should be just between a man and a woman. Okay, fine. You believe that. But how can you deny another human being the ability to be with the person they love just because they are gay? That is NOT right.

We used to believe that people who weren't the same color couldn't get married. Because it was a "sin" because it was "unnatural." The problem is we are ALL the HUMAN RACE. We are ALL HUMAN BEINGS. We ALL deserve the same rights.

A lot of people say this country was founded on God (it is pointless to argue on that, you won't believe me anyway), but we were ALSO founded on FREEDOM. We came here to have the right to religion, free speech, etc. We came here to find our own God(s) and our own ways of life. And NO ONE has the right to take that away from you. NO ONE.

Perhaps we should remember that the next time we ask a soldier to die for a country that won't let them marry the person they love.

Stumble Moment

I've learned a lot from Stumble Upon (stumbleupon.com) in the past. In fact, I used to blog about some of my, more noteworthy, finds. And I'm going to start trying to do that again, at least until I figure out what it is I really want to say.

If you are feeling withdrawals from my writing you can go to one of the following:
http://theletterunsent.blogspot.com/   or
http://septembertarantella.blogspot.com/

Lemons are super foods. Examples of cool things you can do with lemons:
* "You won’t need an ocean of calamine lotion the next time poison ivy comes a-creeping. Just apply lemon juice directly to the affected area to soothe itching and alleviate the rash." (Hilariously, they were referencing "Poison Ivy" by The Coasters {https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRfRITVdz4k})
* "Lemon water can reduce phlegm; and can also help you breathe properly and aids a person suffering with asthma."
And that's just two of the 45 on the list at the following web address

http://www.trueactivist.com/45-uses-for-lemons-that-will-blow-your-socks-off/

In China there is a lovely young woman who uses trees as her canvas. This picture of her painting is my favorite.

You can find more of her special paintings at the following web address

www.quickbulletin.com/painting-on-tree-trunks/

Thugs like to cook too, god damn it. So, if you are a thug who likes to cook, maybe you should look into this website

/thugkitchen.com/post/46170289983/theres-so-much-god-damn-spinach-in-this-shit-even/

There are so many beautiful places I would like to visit!! Here are a few.


http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/places-youd-rather-be-sitting-right-now/

I hesitate to post anything here from the bastion of Hell (aka: Fox News), but this really sparked my interest. Its like the fasting cures I read about in "Starvation Heights."
http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/06/07/woman-attempting-to-live-on-nothing-but-water-and-sunlight-for-6-months/

These look absolutely FANTASTIC! Can't wait to try them out sometime!


http://picky-palate.com/2011/03/17/no-bake-chewy-cookies-and-cream-bars/

On the one hand, I think these are super cool. On the other hand I'm really sad that they carved up coins from the late 19th century/early 20th century.


twentytwowords.com/2013/05/28/whimsical-images-sawn-into-old-coins-20-pictures/

Being asthmatic, this discovery is really interesting!!
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/80beats/2010/10/25/lungs-can-taste-weird-discovery-points-to-new-asthma-treatments/#.UbTFc5ywWRI

And this is just for fun. I want a ball pit!

Things I've learned

My views, opinions and thoughts have changed a lot since I was young. Some of what I believe has changed drastically from even just five years ago. Along this crazy ride called life, I've learned a bunch of things. And I've changed. I feel like I've changed quite a bit. Let's have a look at what I've learned.

A prime example of these changes are my views and opinions on abortions, marriage equality and circumcision. If you had asked me five years ago I would've told you that abortion was a heinous thing and that it was used, primarily, as a birth control. I would've told you that I was still not sold on the idea of Marriage Equality. I would've said that circumcision was much healthier than being uncircumcised.

Those who know me, however, know that I am open to new ideas and thoughts. I am open to anything someone has to say (unless it is uselessly hateful). Which is how my opinions have come to shift. The other thing people should know is that I do my research. I'm not going to just flip-flop like certain Republican candidates (I'm looking at you Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum) because someone says I should. I'm going to look into it.

Which is why my opinions are subject to fluidity and change.

* Never accept something at face value. Something ugly can be beautiful on the inside. Sometimes you have to look past the exterior. Beauty isn't the only thing that is skin deep. Ugliness can be only skin deep.

* Always be open to listening to new music, ideas, opinions and absurdities. Even if you end up disliking it you've at least tried it. The same goes for experiences and foods. Try it before you say you don't like it.

* Sex isn't the be all, end all. It is wonderful, it is fun, it is enjoyable. Don't let it control you.

* Virginity isn't a bad thing.

* Abortions should be legal. We are not walking in each other's shoes and don't know what the other person is going through. We should not be allowed to control the life choices of another.

* We are not equal until ALL of us are equal. Equality for some isn't equality at all.

* Reading is more important than we let on. What we read in books is what we base our lives on. Christians base themselves on the Bible, the Muslims on the Qur'an, the Jews on the Torah. If we read only one thing, we aren't reading at all. We aren't allowing our minds to expand. We are restricting ourselves to one small box. Open up and expand your world.

* Circumcision is wrong; no matter if it is a boy or a girl. Why should we cut away healthy flesh from a being that has no voice in the operation? Aren't we supposed to be protectors of our children?

* The people who say spankings didn't damage them are lying. Spankings damaged us all. Some of us just show less damage than others.

* Stumble Upon is a magnificent way to learn AND waste time.

* Being beautiful is in the eye of the beholder. No matter what anyone says, you are beautiful. Never forget that.

* You aren't too damaged to be loved.

* Barack Obama rocks. :)

* Knowing your history doesn't mean it has to dictate your future.

* Never be afraid to stand up for yourself. Stand up, be heard, stop letting people trample on you. You are a human being, you deserve respect and love. No matter where you come from or who you are.

* Marijuana should be legalized and taxed.

* Rapists should get absolutely NO sympathy from anyone. They committed a horrific crime and no one deserves to be raped. We live in a rape culture and that is wrong.

* Gun control is a thing that needs to happen. No matter what. And I don't care if I'm disliked for that opinion. I've always believed in gun control. That is something that HASN'T changed.

* Being ashamed of yourself because of your past is ridiculous. You can't change the past, so if you didn't like it, change it for tomorrow!

Slammed

THIS is what I'm talking about!

Will I ever be pretty?

I wanted to write about something meaningful. Something interesting and provocative. The reality is I rarely know what I'm going to write before I do it. So this is a conglomeration of everything running through my brain.

Recently there has been a lot of uproar over comments made by the President of Abercrombie & Fitch about why they don't provide plus sizes. For those out of the loop he said (and I quote):
"In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely."

One of the articles I read said that they were clinging to a "standard" of beauty.

The truth of the matter is, that it has only been in recent years that skinnier was seen as a "standard." In fact, it used to be that if you were smaller than a size ten something was wrong with you. That isn't to say that the "standard" hasn't fluctuated over time (it has, quite a bit). Because of this fluctuation it can't really be called a "standard." It is a variable.

Beauty is variable.


The persistent desire to be completely inside out and accepted, despite the secrets and sins, is overwhelming sometimes. Everyone wants to be seen as they are, completely exposed with nothing hidden, and be loved anyway. We all want to be beautiful, considered beautiful anyway.

As a little girl I wanted to be a man. I still wish I was, sometimes. I wanted to be a man because God would love me, even if I liked girls. I would be handsome. I could pee standing up. I wanted to be a man because men held all the power. They could be ugly, they could be fat, they could be anything they wanted and they would be catered to.

People like those who work for Abercrombie & Fitch helped with that. Men are dominant. They can be any size and still find things they want.

When I was a teenager I saw it this way:
Skinny girls - loved by fat guys and skinny guys.
Skinny guys - loved by fat girls and skinny girls.
Fat guys - loved by skinny girls and fat girls.
Fat girls - No one loves a fat girl, not even the fat girl.

I am not a standard. I am a variable. As a variable I am worthless, except in mathematics. It doesn't matter how well read I am, or how great conversations with me are. It doesn't matter if I am sweet or cute. I'm not loved because of those things. I am hated because this body is heavy.

That doesn't mean that I won't find sex. My grandmother Eileen once told my mother (and she shared it with me) that men will crawl on broken glass if they think they will get to have sex. Some men will have sex with heavier girls because we have low self-esteem. And how could we not? So we become a plaything. A toy to be used up and thrown away because we will never be the current definition of beautiful.

I walk into a store and all I feel is self-loathing.

I hate shopping. I hate it because fat women aren't supposed to look pretty. Everything you find is to guilt you into losing weight because you are ugly and a waste of space. I get tired of that. I try to lose weight, but it just doesn't come off. It is tiring, being told you aren't good enough and having people insist that you HAVE to be beautiful (skinny, perfect hair, big boobs, etc.) to be perfect. What about being perfectly IMPERFECT?

What about what lies at the core of us?

Beauty is only skin deep. There is truth in that saying.

All my dreams of being skinny, all my dreams of being beautiful. They all come down to a desire to be accepted. To be taken as I am. Inside out, exposed to the world and embraced in spite of the differences.

Even I am prejudiced against people with weight problems. I don't watch porn with heavy women. I am not attracted to women who are heavy. I look at a heavier woman and I feel pity for her. I feel pity for her because I feel pity for myself.

I look at women my size and I feel a modicum of hatred for them. A hatred for them because they mirror me. I hate myself. I hate the way I look. I hate who I am. I am smart. I am a decent conversationalist. I fancy myself to be a decent writer. But I am not beautiful.

I am not pretty. And even though I listen to Katie Makkai's "Pretty" I can't break out of this circle I've twisted myself in. I cry when I listen to her say "You will be PRETTY amazing, you will be PRETTY creative, You will never be merely pretty." I cry because I want to be more than merely pretty. I want to be more than a variable in a river of standards.

I want to be unafraid of being who I am. I want to believe that I could be loved by another man. I want to believe it when my husband tells me I am beautiful. I want to feel it. I want to KNOW it.

You look pretty up on Google and you get pictures of Megan Fox and Hayden Panettiere. You get women who seem impossibly skinny. Women with perfect breasts and they can count their ribs.

I will never be the definition of pretty. I'll always be a variable, even if I lost the weight. Even if I had the surgeries. Even if I made myself fit into the standard.

Something is lost in all that. The "pretty" I was is lost in the shuffle. The "me" I was is gone. And I'll never be pretty because of that.

My Heart

Gorgeous Cover of a Paramore song by a lovely young soul named Gabrielle Alpin. Enjoy!

Shocking Images

You know those pictures that say "If the picture on the left shocks you more than the one on the right..."?


I have lost my ability to be shocked by starving children in a photograph. Every day we walk past starving people and we just keep walking.
 
Everyday we walk past empty buildings and homeless people. We walk past people who have no healthcare, have nowhere to go, who are begging for the right to just be considered HUMAN. We walk past these things and we don't care, but God help you if there was a rape victim trying to have an abortion. Or a gay man trying to get married to his partner of 30 years. God help you if you so much as suggest there should be background checks on people buying weapons.
 
What kind of society is this? We fight for the lives of an unborn fetus, but then let the child starve. We don't provide the healthcare the mother needs to safely carry her child to term.
 
We whine about having to have a background check because it "won't stop criminals" but we wonder why so many people are killed when mentally unstable people get a hold of a high powered weapon.
We tell others they can't get married, but we are allowed to abuse marriage by doing it multiple times. Even if they have been in a faithful relationship for more years than you have had partners.
 
 Does nobody else see a problem with all this? Does nobody else see what I see?

Ashes to Ashes

This is one of the most beautiful poems I've ever heard. And so true of our times.

Homosexuality, Bisexuality, Transgendered, Heterosexuality, these are WORDS. They do not define us. They separate only if you build your walls with them. If you say them like a curse, they may burn, but they don't have the staying power to set the world on fire.

If you let others define you, with their words and their hates, you never learn of the beauty that can be found in the ashes. Don't let the smoldering bones of those who have fought, clawed, raged and died be for nothing.

You are beautiful, even though you come from ashes. Your name isn't a forbidden word. Say it loud. Speak, scream, shout, be HEARD. Don't let them silence you. Don't let them steal your voice. Don't let the words destroy you.

Let the words slip over you, like water off of a duck's feathers. Use only beautiful words to build. And build bridges instead of walls.

Hermaphroditus

"Sleeping Borghese Hermaphroditus" at the Louvre Museum in France.

Historical/Mythological Note: Hermaphroditus was the child of Hermes and Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love and the God of War. He/She was a symbol of Bisexuality and Effeminacy. A beautiful woman with the genitals and vigor of a man. He/She was believed to bless marriages.

"But there are some who declare that such creatures of two sexes are monstrosities,"
-Diodorus Siculus; "Bibliotheca historica"

Whilst I was arguing Circumcision and "Rape Culture" with my brother, the topic of hermaphrodites came up. He asked me what I would do in that case (since I was clearly arguing against cutting my son in anyway that was unnecessary to his health and well-being), would I choose a gender for my child?

My answer was no. I would not pick a gender for my child. I would want them to be able to grow up, learn who they are, decide who THEY want to be, not who I want them to be.

He said there would be a stigma against my child. My child would be teased, bullied, harassed, etc. I came back with children make fun of, tease, bully and harass each other, genitals really won't change that. Even so, I still wouldn't change them.

There is too much up to chance in that situation. What if my child was meant to be a man and I opted for a vagina? What if the child was meant to be a woman and I opted for a penis? How is that fair? I've doomed my child to a life of wondering... A life of "who am I really?"

What right do I have to mutilate or change or erase my child's body? Is it my body?
What right do I have to alter what has been given to me? What right do I have to change one beautiful thing about a child born to me?

Who cares if they have one genitalia or another? Who cares if they are white or black or tan? Who cares if their eyes are blue or green? Who cares as long as they are HEALTHY? Who cares as long as they are HAPPY? Who am I to dictate what they do with THEIR body? To dictate WHO and WHAT they become?

When they are grown up, I would want them to say "My mother taught me to embrace who I am, with arms wide open. My mother taught me to embrace the different, the beautiful, the odd, the old and the young. My mother taught me to LOVE myself for WHO I am, not for what BODY I have. I am MORE than a body. I am MORE than a penis or a vagina. I am MORE than the names I was called. My mother let me decide WHO and WHAT I wanted to be. I choose who I am, not my mother."

The Cut

Recently I was linked to an article, posted on the website "Barrel of Oranges," about Rape. The title intrigued me, as I'm sure it would just about anyone (good on you, Barrel of Oranges!), because of the simplicity of it.

"Teaching my 2 year old how not to rape" is what it said. I was intrigued because of the idea behind it. The idea that we have to teach our children not to harm others. The idea that if we don't teach them not to harm, someone else will to teach them how to harm. The idea kind of blindsided me and I realized I had to read the article.

If you are interested in reading it for yourself here is the link:
http://barreloforanges.com/2013/03/24/teaching-my-2-year-old-how-not-to-rape/

Surprisingly, however, it wasn't her views on rape that astounded me. It was what I read about circumcision. She doesn't hide her opinion on the matter. Its right there in the first paragraph. It jolted me a bit, because I've never really thought about circumcision. At least, not as in depth as I did after reading a couple of her other posts on the topic.

I grew up in church. The majority of the people that know me (or have read a few of my rants) know this. I was taught that circumcision (of male genitalia) is required by God. I don't know why, actually. I never really understood why it mattered whether or not the foreskin was cut off of a man's junk. In fact, for the longest time I had NO idea what a foreskin even was. I had never seen an uncircumcised penis, actually. Not that I had seen very many penises at that time anyway.

But the Bible is FULL of verses on Circumcision and how men are to be circumcised. Even Abraham got circumcised at the ripe old age of ninety-nine (Genesis 17:24). What I do know is that God believed it was a valid part of a covenant between himself and Abraham (its been a while since I picked up my Bible). He even says so in Genesis. If you want specifics, chapter 17:10-11.

I've also always believed that circumcision was healthier for a man than remaining uncircumcised. Something that I discovered, upon researching, isn't entirely true. I thought that a man received more sexual pleasure if he was circumcised versus uncircumcised. However, circumcision comes down to aesthetics more than health and sexual pleasure. And, often times, it can be botched.

Now, if you had asked me about female circumcision I would've told you that it was genital mutilation. There is no aesthetic or enhanced sexual pleasure to female circumcision. It is purely to mutilate to the point that a woman no longer feels enjoyment or pleasure from sex, keeping her faithful to her husband. It is also so that a man remains "undisturbed" by the natural shape of a female sex, or her being "over-sexed." I remember being horrified as a kid reading an article on the topic by Waris Dirie, a Somalian actress and model, who had been "circumcised" at the tender age of five.

But the post by Barrel of Oranges made me think. It made me consider a few things.

Recently my god-daughter, who is 3, got a hold of a pair of scissors and cut off a decent portion of her hair (think Sinead O'Connor). Obviously, her mom was freaking out. This beautiful child, however, was not upset and told her mother that it was "perfect." I didn't "fight" with her mother, but I did tell her that if the child wants to cut off all her hair that is her right. It is HER body, not her mother's. She should be able to express herself however she wants. If she thinks she is beautiful, I want her to believe that. I want her to grow up believing that no matter what she is beautiful because she LOVES how she looks and fuck anyone who doesn't think so.

The belief that it is her body and that her mother shouldn't interfere is something I had never considered when it comes to circumcision.

The absence of a "no," doesn't automatically mean "yes."

Why would I cut off healthy, living, tissue from my son's penis just because I think circumcised is more attractive? He has no way of agreeing to this and I am doing irreparable damage to his body. Circumcision is permanent. I can't go back later and let him undo it. There is NO going back from that. And I would want my child to decide what they want. Not what I want.

My husband is circumcised. And yes, I prefer the look compared to uncircumcised. After reading up on it, doing some research and thinking very carefully about body rights, I have decided that if I ever had a son, I would never circumcise him. I would let him decide when he was old enough to understand what he was doing.

I had the audacity to ask an adult male (that I had a crush on) if he was "cut" or "uncut." I remember his being appalled at the idea of being "uncut." As if that was a disgusting thing. Why is a piece of flesh disgusting?

We can argue aesthetics all day long. I don't find penises particularly attractive to begin with, so it would be easy for me to say I prefer my husband's. It would be easy to say that the only other penis I have ever found attractive was Yul Brynner's and he was uncircumcised. Either can be beautiful. Either can be perfect. It is a matter of opinion.

What isn't up for debate, at least where I am concerned, is the ethics of it. Is it ethical to remove healthy tissue from a healthy penis without the consent of the patient? No matter how young? Is it ethical to alter someone else's body without their permission, just because they won't "remember" or because we find it more "aesthetically pleasing?" I don't think it is.

Let my child remain uncut. Let them decide when they are old enough to understand it. Let them decide what to do with their body. They only receive one in this lifetime and who am I to tell them what to do with it?

My question for my male friends/readers is this:
* What are your thoughts?
* Are you circumcised? Uncircumcised?
* If you are circumcised, do you wish you hadn't been? Are you comfortable as you are?
* If you are uncircumcised, do you wish you had been? Do you prefer being "uncut?"