Dream State

I had the coolest/weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that:

Bette Davis was Wonder Woman, except she had a better costume and a cooler weapon. Instead of the lasso of truth, she had an electrical whip. She was AMAZING.


Her outfit kind of looked like this except it had more gold, a darker red, no blue and it had sleeves. Plus she wore a golden headband in her blonde hair. She was SO pretty.


She had teamed up with Batman, who was played by Errol Flynn in this dream, to save these lovely young women from the Penguin. I can't remember who played the Penguin, but it was very interesting.


So Bette Davis/Wonder Woman is whipping at the bad guys with her electrical whip until one of them suddenly knocks her down and takes it. Then, while she and Batman/Errol Flynn are being whipped Spiderman shows up and shoots a compound web into the ocean (did I mention this was a Mountain Cave hideout overlooking the ocean? No? Well, that's where they were) and sets the lovely ladies on it like a zipline to safety. That is until they hit the water. Being stupid, apparently, they just keep riding the compound web down to the ocean floor, where they almost drown.

I'm super sad that there is no way this could be made into a movie, because Errol Flynn as Batman and Bette Davis as Wonder Woman is the BEST. THING. EVER!

It sucks not being able to record one's dreams!

The Hungry Ghost

I stood alone. Drifting, dreamily sleeping, careening.
A hungry ghost asked me to dance, taking my hand in his.
He kissed me. Softly, hungrily tasting, touching.
A hungry ghost asked for my heart, touching my chest.
I gasped. A pretty face, twirling in a crowded place.
A hungry ghost asked me to love him, enchanting me.
He kissed me. Longingly, slowly taking, everything.
I did not deny him. I let him in. I gave what I could to him.
A hungry ghost devoured me, so lovingly and with care.
And so I became a hungry ghost, caught in sweet oblivion.

The Ship of Dreams

One hundred years ago, at 2:20AM on April 15th, 1912, RMS Titanic broke in half and sank into the depths of the North Atlantic Ocean. Only approximately 700 people were saved out of the 2,214 on board. It is considered one of the greatest non-conflict tragedies of the past century.

As many of you know "Titanic," the movie by James Cameron, celebrated the one hundredth anniversary of the famed ship's sinking by re-releasing the movie to theatres, this time in 3D.

On a whim, I decided it would be an experience to see "Titanic" at approximately the same time RMS Titanic was sinking a century ago. I had never seen the movie in theatres (as I mentioned in my last blog involving Titanic) so that would be an experience as well. For this whim, I recruited Kid, whom I take on many adventures with me.

The experience is one I will never forget, nor would I wish to change it for anything in the world.

It is hard to explain what an impact this experience had on me, really, but I shall try to explain.

Firstly, having had time to think about it since I decided to do it, I should've had this on my bucket list before now. So, after the fact, I christen that one of my bucket list items, now fulfilled. *Cheers and balloons*

My "Titanic" experiences began with the tickets. I purchased the tickets online and we picked them up when we arrived at the theatre. With our tickets was an "official" boarding pass. Pictorial evidence below.




Being the history buff/nerd that I am, the boarding pass really solidified the experience for me. I am in the movie, a part of the history. That's how it feels for me anyway.

Which brings me to the 3D part. Because the movie wasn't originally 3D it obviously didn't quite translate. It didn't "pop" quite like a 3D movie is supposed to, but it gave the whole thing a little more depth, a little more realism. That is one of the few things I like about 3D, is the feeling of being a part of the movie. I feel like it not quite "popping" out (like any other 3D movie) made it more substantial. Personal opinion of course.

During the movie there were shots of the skylight ceiling in the First Class portion of the ship. I have stood under a smaller reproduction of this skylight in the National Museum of History in Washington DC. In fact, pictorial evidence follows of that as well! It is a small reproduction, but a reproduction nonetheless!



That was a startling feeling, almost surreal. Thinking "Wow, I stood under something almost exactly like that." Not quite as earth shattering as seeing a face eerily similar to my own in the Holocaust Museum, but pretty damn close. Its one of those moments where you are so close to history you can almost reach out and touch it. And I love those moments!

I was in awe throughout the movie. So much so that I was too entranced to cry during parts that have always choked me up before. Granted, there were a few tears shed, but so few that I was surprised.

The "love" that Jack and Rose have for each other is really quite powerful, with a lot more substance than other movies with "love at first sight" type gimmicks. Jack understands Rose, he is attracted to her (of course, who wouldn't be?), but he doesn't try to take advantage of that. At least, not in my personal view. The person trying to take advantage of Rose is Cal. It's even strongly hinted that they are already occupying the marriage bed, even though they haven't been officially married.

Beside the point entirely. I just really like the romance of this movie, even though I don't generally like romantic movies. Exceptions being anything with Cary Grant or Clark Gable (or any other old movie star hotness).

I have come to appreciate this movie more as I've gotten older. When I was younger I always avoided romantic movies because they depressed me. I was alone and I hated everyone for being in love. I hated romance, I hated sex (because I wasn't having any), I hated love, I hated it all. Now that I am settled into my own committed relationship I can watch those movies and be happy for the character. That kind of unselfish happiness that comes when you already have it yourself.

The other thing I have come to appreciate is Leonardo DiCaprio. He is so handsome! How did I not think he was hot when I was younger? Of course, it helps that I now know his acting prowess... It took some time (because I am ALWAYS behind the trends), but I am a Leo fan! So seeing this as a Leo fan changed my perspective too.

Seeing the Titanic going down, knowing that One hundred years before it was going down, was the most powerful feeling. It was like being there. As close to reality as I can get. And it was amazing.

All in all, I had so much fun. I wondered if I might have some supernatural experiences, but if I did they were internalized. It was enough to be there. Enough to say I did it. To mark it off my bucket list as I put it there.

To all the people who were lost Rest in Peace, may you be as Rose was in the end of the movie. Happy and re-united with those you love.

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,
Is it wrong that I feel the way that I do? Is it so wrong that I still feel this way, after years. I've tried to wipe it out with hate and anguish. The anguish remains, but I'm too tired to hate anymore. I'm just sadly angry and angrily sad. Is it fair to feel this way? Should I try to squash it?

Do you know what I want most for Christmas, Santa? I want a family again. I want my grandfather, Memere, Pepere, grandma Bobbi, my dad, I even want Wes and his family back. Just to feel like we were a family again. Just to feel the illusion of love, even for a few moments. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to want even the illusion of it again?

But if Wes wanted to be a father, he should've tried harder. If he wanted to be a part of my life he should've tried. I shouldn't have to go to him to make things work. He should've acted like an adult.

I am my mother's daughter first. I am his daughter second.
I am my brother's sister first. I am his daughter second.
If he couldn't love my mother any longer, couldn't tolerate my brother any longer than he no longer loved or tolerated me. They are a part of me and I am a part of them. I really did love him at one point.

If Carolyn wanted to be my grandmother she should've tried to love my mother, love my brother. She should've tried harder, but I suppose she didn't know how. But that isn't my fault.

I am my mother's daughter first. I am her granddaughter second.
I am my brother's sister first. I am her granddaughter second.
If she can't accept and love them, then she can't accept and love me. And the saddest thing is that I really did love her. Looked up to her. But I can't tolerate her talking shit about my mother. I won't stand for anyone to talk shit about my mother or my brother or my sister.

Mom, Chris and Hannah are almost all I have really. I have several other relatives, but none that I see on a regular basis. And my mother's husband, Mark, is a nice enough man, but he isn't my father. He never will be. He will always be a nice man that my mother is married to. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with him just being a friend.

I want acceptance for Christmas. I want to believe that Wes actually cared once. Or maybe I don't, because then I'll just blame myself for him not caring any longer.

I'd like to not be so pathetic that I can't sleep because I'm thinking about everything that is wrong. I'd like to not be so hung up on missing people that don't care about me. People who don't even think about me, even though I can't stop thinking about them.

I really just want peace on earth, I guess.

But you aren't any more real than the unicorns and mermaids I claim to believe in. You can't solve my problems anymore than I can. And if there is a God, he has long since stopped listening to me. I suppose this is where I should end this then. What's the point, Santa?

If I say I've been a really good girl this year, will that make any difference?

If I say that I've really tried this year, will that make any difference?

I hate you. I truly do. I hate you for not being real. I hate you for being a childhood principality that can't exist in this world. I hate that this is how everything has worked out.

I am too tired to hate you. I'm too tired to hate anyone, anymore.

Sarai.

Lullaby for a Myth

I love this song. It is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard and it involves mythology. Always a plus for me.

For those of you who might not keep up to date on different mythologies, this song is about Arthurian legend and Mordred, the illegitimate son of King Arthur and his half-sister, Morgause (often confused with Morgan Le Fay). Mordred is considered one of the biggest villians in Arthurian legend, as he is a traitor and attempts to kill Arthur.

In this haunting lullaby, as sung by Heather Dale, Morgause is singing to her infant son about how he will be her weapon of revenge. How his loyalty to her will ultimately lead to his own death and the mortal wounds of King Arthur, "My Brother the traitor." She prophecies to her infant all that will happen in his story.

As a huge fan of mythology and legends in general, this song is both awesome in its theme and delightful in its sound. The Celtic feel lends credence to the theme and adds a touch of haunting beauty to the song.

I Need You

Today's video is "I Need You" by The Beatles (as written and performed by George Harrison). The video is taken from their movie "Help!", one of my all time favorite movies, actually.

This song is my favorite by The Beatles. When I was younger (and we lived in the country) I would wander through the woods singing it to myself, imagining I was a lovely ghost. Silly, I know, but my imagination has always wandered. I would sing to the trees, stopping to wrap my arms around some of them (just because that is picturesque, don't you know?). The trees have always been my friends. When I was still a Christian, I used to take my battered Bible and preach sermons to them. All very strange, and totally off topic.

I Need You by George Harrison, as performed by The Beatles.

Past Living

The idea of Reincarnation and Past lives is not knew in this world of crazy ideas. And, to be fair, out of all the crazy ideas it certainly isn't the craziest. Several high-profile religions follow the belief that we are reincarnated after death, including Hinduism and Buddhism. Even some Christians believe in Reincarnation, though the Bible clearly states: "And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:" (Hebrews 9:27)

I like the idea of reincarnation because in some small way it is a piece of me living on. I like that idea, like anyone else I'm sure. We all want to live forever in some shape or form. So why not as another person or an animal? Or even as plants? I would love to be a weeping willow tree, I think. Or a red maple. They are both very beautiful trees. Or maybe a rose? I would want to be a white rose.

Going back to past lives though, many people believe that they were someone else in a past life. However, according to an article I read on MSNBC's website this is due to memory errors which creates "false memories". This is also attributed to a sense of deja vu, or the feeling of having been somewhere before. Also, it pointed out that most people only claim to have been famous people once. Past lives are never boring.

To be fair, who wants to say "I was a child who died of *insert any disease here* during the 1800's" (which was very common) or "I was a housewife who had three children and lived to the ripe old age of 82 before passing away in my sleep" or "I was a total nobody who never did anything exciting and died a boring/normal death" or even "I was a greyhound bus who couldn't go below 50mph (miles per hour) or I would blow up, along with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock". Oh wait, that last one might be too exciting for a past life.

It is much more exciting to say "I was Sarah Winchester and I was so haunted by spirits that I built an ever changing house to escape and confuse them" or "I was Catherine de Medici and I was madly in love with my husband who never actually loved me back" or "I was Anne Boleyn and I didn't sleep with my brother, but lost my damn head anyway" or "I was the Eiffel Tower".

Personally, I can understand why people would want to be somebody famous in a past life. Everyone wants some kind of adventure. Why not say they were adventurous in a past life? Personally, I think it would have been nice to just be a young Jewish girl who got married to someone I truly loved and then had a few children who grew up and had children of their own. Doesn't that sound ideal to anyone else? No? Just me? Okay, well then, moving on.

Seriously though, I have thought about this quite a bit. I firmly believe in the supernatural so I guess it comes naturally (ha, pun) to believe in reincarnation or ghosts or that life goes on after we are gone. I mean, we all want to believe in something right? That is why we have heroes and gods/goddesses. So we have something we can turn to when times are rough. Reincarnation/Past Lives are kind of the same thing I guess.

If you were to have lived a past life who/what would you want to be? Would you want to be someone famous and exciting? As for me, I think I will stick to being a Weeping Willow or the Eiffel Tower.

Just Like a Ghost

So most recently I have been on a huge Fefe Dobson kick. This coming about after I found out that Fefe Dobson wrote and, originally, performed one of my favorite Jordin Sparks' songs. (Which is "Don't let it go to your head", by the way)

In honor of this kick I have decided to post one of my favorite Fefe Dobson songs, entitled "Ghost". You may be asking why "Ghost" when I just said that I really loved "Don't let it go to your head". The reasoning is this:
- In "Ghost" she acts more genuine and into her own song.
- In "Don't let it go to your head" she is trying way to hard to be dark and punk, at least in my opinion. I love the way she sings it though. Truthfully speaking.
- Also, I'm going to post both videos anyway, so HA! (giggle)

Ready, set, GO!

Ghost


Don't Let it Go to Your Head


Don't you think she looks a little too stiff in that last video? Like she is trying really hard to act like she doesn't care, but she really does? I like her a lot, but don't like the video for that last song.

Anyway, that's all for now, just thought I'd pop in with a song or two of the day. Enjoy!

The Palm Reader

My friend, Kid, and I went to see a Palm Reader/Tarot Reader/Psychic yesterday. It was very amusing. Though, entirely TOO expensive for my tastes.

I don't know if I believe in that kind of thing, though I think it is fun to think about. I enjoyed it, at any rate.

We also went to an antiques store and two book stores. I love Book stores!! :D I will post a couple of picks from the antique store later on today.

Anyway, Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there. I hope it is a fantastic day for you. For those of you who are just normal people with no children or you are a girl, so this doesn't fit you, have a happy Day o' the Sun. :D