J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter Eleven)

Current mood: Artistic

Chapter Eleven: Finding the Wicked Bitch of the West


After they had helped Trent feed the exotic animals, and Sarai almost got eaten by the lesbian tiger (and not in a good way mind you), Trent kept his promise and gave them food and a place to sleep. The next morning, he gave them a good meal and a map to the Bitch’s castle. Wishing them good luck he gently shoved them out the door and into the Forest of Screeching Fan-girls.


“How far does the map say the castle is from here?” whispered Pomme, clinging to Gackt’s arm.


“Um, a long ways. Dude, I don’t even friggin’ know how to read a map!” exclaimed Sarai, shoving the map at Yo.


“It says we are about 15 miles from the castle. That’s not far.”


“Oh my god, my feet are going to fall off, I swear.” Cried Pomme.


“Do you suppose the fan-girls will come out and devour our souls?” asked Miyavi, shaking a little as he aimed his shovel.


“Fan-girls don’t eat souls, silly. They’ll just kiss you until you die of dehydration. It’s a bit messy though. Dehydration that is, kissing is nice.” Replied Sarai, pushing the shovel back down to Miyavi’s side.


“They are right where I want them.” Whispered Twink to Hiroto. She looked again into the crystal triangle, then pressed her “Meat is Murder” button.


Immediately a horde of flying platypi filled the sky, robotic arms affixed to their bodies so that they could grasp and carry things. Hiroto prepared his miniature flying contraption and awaited his orders.


“Bring me the girls, do what you like with the others, but make sure the girls are brought to me alive. I need them alive so I can get the shoes off intact. Now fly, FLY!”


With a loud woosh, the horde of platypi took off, following the lead of their leader, Hiroto the flying chipmunk.


Meanwhile, the group had stopped for a break, snacking on some of the food Trent had packed for them. The sky above them began to darken as it filled with screaming platypi.


“Oh shit, not again!” screamed Pomme.


“Save Pomme, she has the shoes!” cried Sarai, pushing Gackt and Yo toward Pomme and grabbing Miyavi’s shovel. She began to swing the shovel back and forth so as to hit the platypi, but was quickly overwhelmed and swept up by big robotic arms.


“Sarai!” screamed Pomme, trying to escape the guys’ arms to try and rescue her friend.


Quickly the swarm was upon them, clawing and tearing the men off of Pomme and dragging her up into the sky. Just as quickly hordes of screaming fan-girls came rushing out of the forest to help the platypi, dragging the men to their nests buried deep in the darkness.


“No!” cried Pomme. “Guys! Oh god, I’m afraid of heights! Oh god, oh god!” And with that, she was swept away with Sarai to the Wicked Bitch’s Castle.


Once they arrived at the castle they were immediately taken into custody by the Bitch’s loyal fan-girls. They separated Sarai and Pomme, shoving Sarai into a large wicker coffin and Pomme into a dismal dungeon.


With a flash of stupidity and sexually transmitted disease, Twink appeared to Pomme.


“So, my pretty, you want to give me those shoes now?” she said, munching on some half cooked steak.


“First of all, that is disgusting. Secondly, hell no. What have you done with my Sarai?”


“Oh, she’ll be fine, as long as you give me the shoes. If you don’t, I’ll have her and her wicker coffin thrown into the river to drown. So, what will it be? Living Sarai or Dead Sarai?”


“That’s not fair!” screamed Pomme. “You can’t kill a living being over a pair of shoes!”


“Oh, but I can! And I will if you don’t hand them over.” Twink made a signal for Sarai in her wicker coffin to be brought into the room.


“Don’t do it Pomme! Don’t give her the shoes. hide told you that they were magical, don’t take them off!” screamed Sarai, fighting against the wicker.


“But she’ll kill you!” cried Pomme, fighting back tears and the urge to rip those, now, hateful shoes off of her feet. “Take the shoes, just don’t kill my Toto!”


“I AM NOT YOUR TOTO!” screamed Sarai, tearing at the wicker with her non-existent nails.


“Good, good.” Exclaimed Twink, but as she reached for the shoes a guitar chord played causing her to be flung back in shock.


“I’m sorry!” cried Pomme. “It wasn’t my fault, I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt Sarai!”


Recovering from her shock, Twink turned to the fan-girls.


“Take her and drown her in the river.”


Just as she proclaimed Sarai’s death sentence, Sarai broke through the wicker and ran. Running with all of her might she fled the castle and found her way back to the forest of screaming fan-girls.


“Gackt? Miyavi? Yo? Anyone who isn’t a psychotic fan-girl who will tear me limb from limb?” whispered Sarai. In the darkness she heard a low moan coming from under a pile of brush.


Underneath the pile was Miyavi, one straw arm dangling helplessly at his side. A few feet away was Yo, draped over a tree branch, some blood on his face and a couple of yards from them was Gackt, tied to a tree.


“Oh my god! What did they do to you?!” cried Sarai, running to help her friends.


“Well they thought that since I was only made of straw it wouldn’t hurt anything to tear me apart!” cried Miyavi, clumsily standing and trying to fix his arm.


“They decided that because I was only a lion I didn’t matter and they left me to be eaten by the flying platypi.” Said Yo, finding enough strength to remove himself from the tree’s woody embrace and stumble over to help Miyavi with his arm.


“They apparently decided that I would be a sacrifice to their goddess’ lusts and tied me here so I wouldn’t escape.” Said Gackt as Sarai began to untie him.


“Twink has Pomme and I don’t know what will happen if we don’t get there in time. We have to hurry.” And with great urgency the group took off toward Twink’s castle to rescue their beloved Pomegranate.

J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter Eight)

Current mood: Amused

Chapter Eight: Finding the City, Past the Poppies

“Damn them!” screamed Twink as she stared into her giant crystal triangle. “They should have died by now, but they are still going toward the city. At this rate they will find the city and meet the Wizard and it’ll be Goodbye Magical Shoes. Must come up with a plan.”

“Excuse me, your Wickedness.” Said a timid voice.

“What is it now?!” roared Twink, turning on a small, nervous chipmunk.

“Well, it’s just that I think I know what you should do.” Replied the chipmunk, shrinking back.

“What is that?”

“The field of Poppies. The one about two miles outside of the Pink Star City. You could use some of your magic on it to stop them.”

Twink pondered this a moment, then gingerly patted the chipmunk’s head.

“Good job, Hiroto. You won’t be eaten after all. Go, fetch all the flying platypi and prepare them. If this doesn’t work, I will be needing them.”

With that, the chipmunk scampered off and Twink began to prepare the spell to terrorize our young heroes.

Meanwhile, the group was exhausted, walking on very little sleep and sore feet. They finally stopped for a break about a mile away from the field of Poppies Twink and Hiroto had been discussing.

These poppies were not like the poppies we know, these poppies were J-Rock poppies, meaning that they were already magical on their own. Twink was going to twist their magic and use it against the adventurers. The field of poppies stretched for several miles in either direction, just rows and rows of beautiful bright red flowers. Within each flower was a single tear-shaped black pearl that could protect you from harm, disguising you and even turning you invisible.

After a short rest, the group began to enter into the field of poppies. As they got a little bit further in, Pomme, Sarai and Yo began to feel very ill. When they looked pieces of them were missing. Pomme could see through her stomach, Sarai was missing her legs and Yo couldn’t find his tail.

“Oh no! Sarai, what are we going to do?!” cried Pomme, feeling quite faint.

“I don’t know, Pomme! I don’t know! Oh god, Help!”

All of them began to cry out for help, though, as Gackt eventually pointed out, there was no one within miles to hear them. Pieces of Pomme, Sarai and Yo kept disappearing until they were nothing but talking heads lying amidst the flowers.

“What are we going to do Gackt? We can’t just let them disappear! We have to do something!” cried Miyavi.

“I don’t know what we can do! HELP! HELP!”

Just then a large shower of pink spider sparkles began to fall in the form of pink snowflakes. As the pink snow covered the group, Pomme, Sarai and Yo began to regain their bodies. Once they had all of their limbs they all hugged and ran as quickly as they could out of the field of Poppies.

As they emerged from the field they saw a huge city shaped like a giant pink star rising out of the earth.

“Look!” shouted Sarai. “The Pink Star City!”

“Let’s hurry!” exclaimed Pomme.

So they all took hands and began to skip toward the city.

“Damn it!” cried Twink, as she once again stared into her crystal triangle. “They’ve had help from that stupid hide matsumoto, Mr. Good Witch himself.”

Pacing back and forth, Twink began to formulate a new plan, one that couldn’t fail.

When they were about halfway to the city, Sarai looked up and noticed a large object flying just a short distance above their heads. Upon closer inspection, Sarai realized that it was something like the airplanes they had in Japan, only this one was slightly smaller and shaped more like a flying platypus.

"Um, guys..." Sarai stopped short and pointed. "What the hell is that?"

Pomme and the guys stopped and all looked up. Then they all began to run as the flying object dropped down and began to try to hit them. They all dove to the ground, as the flying machine pulled a "North by Northwest" move, flying scant inches above their prone bodies.

"Damn that was close. We better hurry or we aren't going to make it to the city alive!" cried Gackt, then he grabbed Sarai and Pomme's hands and dragged them up.

The flying machine swerved in the air, turning around to try and squish the adventurers. This time, it flew so low that one of the wings scooped up Pomme and Sarai, only picking up Sarai because she was holding on to Pomme like the world was going to end. As it tried to pull away, Miyavi, Gackt and Yo all grabbed hold of the back of the machine and pulled themselves up.

"Quick! Somebody take over the controls!" cried Yo, struggling to hold on. Pomme and Sarai found what looked like a cockpit and saw a Chipmunk, with a flying helmet on, steering.

"So, that's what she meant when she said she had flying platypi led by a flying chipmunk!" said Sarai.

Hiroto the chipmunk looked up at the girls and squealed, jumping up from behind the steering wheel. He then jumped out of the cockpit and pulled a chord releasing his giant parachute, so that he began to float back down to the Pink Gibson Road.

"Well, that was a dick move," said Pomme. "Now what are we going to do? I don't know how to fly anything!"

Sarai took hold of the wheel and began to pull up on it, but to no avail.

"Damn, that always works in the movies." she said.

"This isn't a movie Sarai! We are about to die horribly if we don't figure something out now!"

Then Gackt came in, some blood trickling down his lip.

"I'll do it," he said. "I used to fly things like this before I got turned into a statue." He then took the wheel and the girls scampered back up to where Miyavi and Yo were.

When they got up they saw Yo and Miyavi fighting off a dozen flying platypi, diving and swooping, trying to knock the guys down. The girls looked around for something to use as a weapon, but found nothing. Then all the sudden the flying machine did a nose dive leaving the platypi in a stream of smoke. Everyone held on tightly as the plane continued to plummet to the ground.

With a loud bang, the plane and passengers crashed through a pink glass ceiling over the city and into the middle of town. Everyone stopped to stare at the strangers in the flying machine.

"Um, Hi." said Sarai, just before she and the others passed out from exhaustion.

J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter Six)

Current mood: Busy

Chapter Six: The Wicked Bitch Arrives (Again)


While on their way to the Pink Star City, the group came across a spooky forest full of mangled and mutilated trees. Hanging from the trees were huge apples shaped like baby heads. Black shadows screamed in the darkness, bodiless hands reaching out to grab them and drag them into those mangled trees.


“I don’t like this place.” Whispered Pomme.


“None of us do, but we have to keep going.” Replied Gackt, squeezing Pomme’s hand.


“Is this the part where we start chanting about lions and tigers and bears?” asked Sarai, trying to keep the mood light.


Just then, there was an explosion of bad body odor and greasy hair. Before the group stood the Wicked Bitch of the West, her hair sticking out in every direction and loaded with hair gel tested on animals. She was still wearing her “Meat is Murder” button, but had moved it to her shoulder attempting, and subsequently failing, to cover another greasy meat stain.


“So,” she said, her lips smothered with shark oil lipstick. “I see you are still trying to get to Pink Star City in my sister’s magical shoes. Why don’t you just give up now and save us both some trouble? Just hand over the shoes and I’ll let you live.”


“What are you going to do if I refuse?” said Pomme, pulling herself up to her full height.


“I’ll sic my flying platypi on you! Led by my flying chipmunk, Hiroto!”


“Platypi?” scoffed Sarai. “You’re going to sic flying platypi, led by a flying chipmunk, on us? Seriously?! That’s about as scary as my Grandma’s fake teeth!”


“What?! Their back claws are very venomous you know! And they’re a lot scarier in real life!” sputtered Twink, spitting a little as she spoke.


“Right. Well, you go ahead and do that. We’ll just keep going on our way, with your sister’s shoes. Nice seeing you again.” Replied Sarai. With that last, Sarai grabbed Pomme’s hand and began to walk away.


“You will regret this!” cried Twink. Gazing up through the disfigured trees, Twink began muttering and swaying, then she raised her hands and disappeared in a flash.


“We’ll regret what?” said Miyavi, holding onto Sarai’s arm and looking all around.


“Nothing, V. She didn’t even do anything. She is just trying to scare us into giving her the shoes. Which we aren’t going to do, because hide told us not to.” Replied Sarai.


Only, Sarai was quite wrong because Twink did do something. Out of the darkness came several low growls, growing louder and louder as they came closer to the group. Then out of the black of the forest came thousands of bodiless baby heads, growling and screaming. Throwing themselves from the trees they rolled toward the group, jagged teeth filling their mouths and venom dripping down their tiny faces. Their eyes turned completely white and they suddenly sprouted wings where their ears had been, flying at the adventurers and screaming.


“RUN!” shouted Gackt, pushing Sarai and Pomme out in front of him. Sarai jumped, still holding Pomme’s hand tightly in her own, and began to run further into the woods, trying to find an exit. Tripping behind her, Pomme attempted to run, but found herself inhibited by the magical shoes. Miyavi stumbled behind them, falling down and losing some straw.


“Come on, Miyavi! You have to get up!” cried Sarai, grabbing hold of Miyavi’s hand and dragging him to his feet. Right behind them was Gackt, trying to distract the flying heads long enough for the others to escape.


At one point Pomme tripped over her heels and tumbled to the ground. Immediately, she was swarmed by the flying baby heads, trying to eat her and poison her. Sarai, Miyavi and Gackt all kicked the heads like soccer balls and yanked Pomme to her feet, before dragging her away from the ravenous babies.


Finally, because Pomme kept falling down, Gackt and Miyavi each grabbed an arm and picked her up. Then all of them ran for their lives, further and further into the monster infested woods. Still running, they turned at a crossroad and lost the flying baby heads, only to find themselves incredibly lost in another part of the woods.