#FreeBree

In case you haven't heard, this was a thing...



Bree Newsome, an activist, took matters into her own hands and did a beautiful, brave and AMAZING thing by taking down one of the BIGGEST symbols of racism in America. She's right, we shouldn't have to wait for some White Lawmaker to take it down. We shouldn't have to wait to take down a symbol of tyranny.

#FreeBree #FreeJames #KeepItDown

Not sure who drew this but I'd pay to have it on my wall. Today we witnessed history. #FreeBree pic.twitter.com/oDm8tw4DbO

— Bipartisan Report (@Bipartisanism) June 27, 2015

Non-POC ask often how they can be an ally. James Tyson, who stood at the base of the flag pole as @BreeNewsome climbed. THAT'S an ally.

— April (@ReignOfApril) June 27, 2015

"She needed a superhero so she became one." #FreeBree pic.twitter.com/ifh4FChDot

— Rahiel Tesfamariam (@RahielT) June 27, 2015

The Hoosier State

Today (June 25th, 2014) a Judge struck down the marriage ban in Indiana freeing hundreds of couples to marry whomever they choose, regardless of gender or sexual preferences!

This is a glorious day for all Hoosiers!

Congratulations, Indiana! Welcome to the 21st Century!

Love is Love!

Love Yourself

DOMA Defeated.

"The Defense of Marriage Act, the law barring the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages legalized by the states, is unconstitutional, the Supreme Court ruled Wednesday by a 5-4 vote." - Huffington Post.

Congratulations to all those who are in love with someone of the same gender!!

Stumble Moment

I've learned a lot from Stumble Upon (stumbleupon.com) in the past. In fact, I used to blog about some of my, more noteworthy, finds. And I'm going to start trying to do that again, at least until I figure out what it is I really want to say.

If you are feeling withdrawals from my writing you can go to one of the following:
http://theletterunsent.blogspot.com/   or
http://septembertarantella.blogspot.com/

Lemons are super foods. Examples of cool things you can do with lemons:
* "You won’t need an ocean of calamine lotion the next time poison ivy comes a-creeping. Just apply lemon juice directly to the affected area to soothe itching and alleviate the rash." (Hilariously, they were referencing "Poison Ivy" by The Coasters {https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRfRITVdz4k})
* "Lemon water can reduce phlegm; and can also help you breathe properly and aids a person suffering with asthma."
And that's just two of the 45 on the list at the following web address

http://www.trueactivist.com/45-uses-for-lemons-that-will-blow-your-socks-off/

In China there is a lovely young woman who uses trees as her canvas. This picture of her painting is my favorite.

You can find more of her special paintings at the following web address

www.quickbulletin.com/painting-on-tree-trunks/

Thugs like to cook too, god damn it. So, if you are a thug who likes to cook, maybe you should look into this website

/thugkitchen.com/post/46170289983/theres-so-much-god-damn-spinach-in-this-shit-even/

There are so many beautiful places I would like to visit!! Here are a few.


http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/places-youd-rather-be-sitting-right-now/

I hesitate to post anything here from the bastion of Hell (aka: Fox News), but this really sparked my interest. Its like the fasting cures I read about in "Starvation Heights."
http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/06/07/woman-attempting-to-live-on-nothing-but-water-and-sunlight-for-6-months/

These look absolutely FANTASTIC! Can't wait to try them out sometime!


http://picky-palate.com/2011/03/17/no-bake-chewy-cookies-and-cream-bars/

On the one hand, I think these are super cool. On the other hand I'm really sad that they carved up coins from the late 19th century/early 20th century.


twentytwowords.com/2013/05/28/whimsical-images-sawn-into-old-coins-20-pictures/

Being asthmatic, this discovery is really interesting!!
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/80beats/2010/10/25/lungs-can-taste-weird-discovery-points-to-new-asthma-treatments/#.UbTFc5ywWRI

And this is just for fun. I want a ball pit!

Things I've learned

My views, opinions and thoughts have changed a lot since I was young. Some of what I believe has changed drastically from even just five years ago. Along this crazy ride called life, I've learned a bunch of things. And I've changed. I feel like I've changed quite a bit. Let's have a look at what I've learned.

A prime example of these changes are my views and opinions on abortions, marriage equality and circumcision. If you had asked me five years ago I would've told you that abortion was a heinous thing and that it was used, primarily, as a birth control. I would've told you that I was still not sold on the idea of Marriage Equality. I would've said that circumcision was much healthier than being uncircumcised.

Those who know me, however, know that I am open to new ideas and thoughts. I am open to anything someone has to say (unless it is uselessly hateful). Which is how my opinions have come to shift. The other thing people should know is that I do my research. I'm not going to just flip-flop like certain Republican candidates (I'm looking at you Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum) because someone says I should. I'm going to look into it.

Which is why my opinions are subject to fluidity and change.

* Never accept something at face value. Something ugly can be beautiful on the inside. Sometimes you have to look past the exterior. Beauty isn't the only thing that is skin deep. Ugliness can be only skin deep.

* Always be open to listening to new music, ideas, opinions and absurdities. Even if you end up disliking it you've at least tried it. The same goes for experiences and foods. Try it before you say you don't like it.

* Sex isn't the be all, end all. It is wonderful, it is fun, it is enjoyable. Don't let it control you.

* Virginity isn't a bad thing.

* Abortions should be legal. We are not walking in each other's shoes and don't know what the other person is going through. We should not be allowed to control the life choices of another.

* We are not equal until ALL of us are equal. Equality for some isn't equality at all.

* Reading is more important than we let on. What we read in books is what we base our lives on. Christians base themselves on the Bible, the Muslims on the Qur'an, the Jews on the Torah. If we read only one thing, we aren't reading at all. We aren't allowing our minds to expand. We are restricting ourselves to one small box. Open up and expand your world.

* Circumcision is wrong; no matter if it is a boy or a girl. Why should we cut away healthy flesh from a being that has no voice in the operation? Aren't we supposed to be protectors of our children?

* The people who say spankings didn't damage them are lying. Spankings damaged us all. Some of us just show less damage than others.

* Stumble Upon is a magnificent way to learn AND waste time.

* Being beautiful is in the eye of the beholder. No matter what anyone says, you are beautiful. Never forget that.

* You aren't too damaged to be loved.

* Barack Obama rocks. :)

* Knowing your history doesn't mean it has to dictate your future.

* Never be afraid to stand up for yourself. Stand up, be heard, stop letting people trample on you. You are a human being, you deserve respect and love. No matter where you come from or who you are.

* Marijuana should be legalized and taxed.

* Rapists should get absolutely NO sympathy from anyone. They committed a horrific crime and no one deserves to be raped. We live in a rape culture and that is wrong.

* Gun control is a thing that needs to happen. No matter what. And I don't care if I'm disliked for that opinion. I've always believed in gun control. That is something that HASN'T changed.

* Being ashamed of yourself because of your past is ridiculous. You can't change the past, so if you didn't like it, change it for tomorrow!

The Golden Man.

Dear ____,

I keep telling myself that I will stop missing you, stop writing you. I tell myself that I never really loved you and you never really loved me. It doesn't make anything hurt less, it doesn't change how I feel. No matter what I do, I keep thinking about you. I miss you. I wish things had been different.

I was seventeen. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship. I had finally broken up with the Edward in my life. My home life was deteriorating. I was losing faith in God, in religion, in love. I was wilting, like a forgotten flower in a too sunny window.

And you came in to my picture. You came into the darkness and pulled me out. Or so I thought.

I had a crush on you. You were so smart, strong and funny. You were sweet and wonderful, it was easy to fall for you. I didn't even have to try. But you had a wife and I valued our friendship too much to say anything. Not that you couldn't see it written all over my face. I can say I never tried to take you from her. I am still her friend, though I still feel the shame bubbling up in my cheeks sometimes when I talk to her.

I worshiped you. I adored you. I loved you. I wrote so many poems in your honour, though I have often said I would not waste another verse on you. I say I will not waste another tear in your name.

I keep thinking back to when I told you that I had a crush on you. You said you had already known. I blushed because I couldn't believe I had been so obvious.

I told you that I wanted to have sex. You said you would ruin me for other men. I told you I wanted to be ruined. Sometimes when I think about that I know you ruined me anyway.

I can still feel your fingers tracing the soft part of my neck up to my ear and back down as I was trying to write that mythology I was creating. I had dedicated a character to you. The most beloved man created by the Gods and Goddesses of my world. I called you Zimri. How fitting that, in the Bible, Zimri is a traitor and the name itself means "my song" (Or mountain sheep, but that fits less perfectly.)

I remember how strongly I wanted to kiss you. I remember making you blush, twice, and marveling at my ability. I remember how badly I wanted you, while feeling the guilt creeping around the edges. Your wife. Your son and your daughter. Your life that I was so desperately wanting to be a part of.

I was seventeen, though, ____! You should've resisted me, should've told me no. Told me that it was inappropriate. Why didn't you? Was I Lolita, seducing you away from God and family?

I blame myself for inviting you to the prom. I blame myself for asking you to go with me. I wish I'd never gone. I wish I'd never said anything. But I wanted that experience. I wanted to experience prom, to experience a dance. It was my first dance and I was so excited to be dancing with you. I remember all the moves we created for "Beep" by the Pussycat Dolls. Sometimes, when I'm reminiscing, I play it. I dance and I think about you.

Sometimes I look at the pictures from that night. The night we stopped being friends. The night we became something more than friends, but less than lovers.

I abandoned you when you said you were leaving her. When you said you no longer believed in God. I was afraid, more than anything. And I was angry. I don't even know why I was so angry. I know I felt ashamed and betrayed for everything that happened between us. But that wasn't the reason I stopped talking to you. You had left me, now you were abandoning God and family. The whole time that I knew it could never be, even when I was hoping it would be, I prayed you would stay married. I prayed you would stay with your wife. I prayed I would forget you.

My prayers were for nothing. I still lost you.

The wound still aches every now and then. It still throbs. I still dream about you. I still miss you. I still love you. The truth of the matter is that I always will.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I had to remove you from my life. I wish I hadn't, now. But where would we be? You wouldn't have come back to me. You wouldn't have fulfilled my dream. You couldn't. We couldn't

Some days, I admit, I still want you. I am comfortable admitting that. I wouldn't do anything now, because I am happily married, but I still wonder.

I think my problem is that I wonder if you still think about me. I just want to know that you miss me too. And I don't know why I want to know that. Do you ever think about me? Do you ever miss me? Do you ever want me still? I wish you would message me. Just once, let me know that you still love me like you said you always would. Even though we still can't be. Even though I shouldn't let you back in.

Darling, I miss you, but this is another in a series of confessions I've written on my way to letting you go. I won't e-mail you. I won't message you on Facebook. I won't try, though I want to sometimes. I will eventually come to terms with this.

In the meantime, I hope you are doing well. I hope you are happy and healthy. I hope all sorts of beautiful hopes for you.

Love,
Sarai

A Church for Saints.

The other night I went to church with one of my girlfriends. This particular friend is a very devout Christian, which I respect, and I have been with her to her church numerous times. I think she is hoping that one of these times I'll receive the Holy Ghost and be saved from myself. Which I also admire. It means she hasn't given up on me. But she also knows me very well and knows that my distance with God has been because of church, not a lack thereof.

I've known this particular friend for almost ten years. We met when I was fourteen and a freshman in high school. At first we didn't really like each other. I thought she was mean. Now I know that she was just teasing to be silly, not mean.

Because I've known her so long I've obviously been to church with her NUMEROUS times. As in, I've been going to this church off and on for almost ten years now.

So it bothers me whenever I go there and almost no one recognizes me. People ask if it's my first time. Or they assume it's my first time, which is even worse! The other thing is that people assume that I've never been to church ever. Which annoys the shit out of me.

See, I grew up in church. I attended church from a very, very, young age right up until I moved to OK when I was nineteen. Was my attendance stellar? No. But I was still a fairly active member in a church up until that point. I've read the Bible numerous times. I used to have huge sections memorized. I still have verses memorized.

Go ahead, ask me what Matthew 4:4 says. Go ahead. ("Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.")

Ask me about "Patience is a virtue" (which isn't actually in the Bible) or "The Lord helps those that help themselves."(That is actually from a myth. "The Gods help those that help themselves" is something that is told to Hercules during his twelve labors.) I dare you. It'll be fun!

In all seriousness though, it kind of bothers me after a bit that people are so willing to assume that I'm an idiot. I hate being underestimated. I should take it as a compliment, but it annoys me.

It especially annoys me when people who've only been in church for a few weeks talk to me like I've never read a word of the Bible. They start preaching at me and I hate it! I've been in church longer than you, I've read the Bible all the way through several times. I know my way around the Holy Scriptures and I know what I'm talking about. You've only been in church for a short time and you want to preach at ME? Really?

I'm saying all this because I'm proud of what I know. I honestly don't care if people are impressed or not. I no longer care about knowing that stuff. I know what I know, that's it. I just don't want someone coming up to me and acting like they know everything when they clearly don't.

The other thing I don't like about church (particularly my friend's church) is the looks I receive. I have rather large breasts, I can't help that. And almost everything I wear accents them, much to my chagrin. Don't look at me like I'm a whore because you can see some cleavage. I'm not a whore. I don't need saving. Thanks, keep walking.

I don't know. Sometimes it is like you have to already be a venerated Saint to be accepted in a church. Isn't the point of church and coming to God being who you are? A sinner, a wastrel? Aren't you supposed to be imperfect coming before Perfection? Isn't God's love supposed to make you pure?

What about that verse: "Judge not, lest ye be judged."? Since when are we supposed to ignore that?

Of course, we ignore most of what the Bible says anyway. We read in-between the lines looking for a meaning that suits us. We pick and choose verses to live by because they are convenient, not because God actually tells us to.

It bothers me! That's one of the reasons I don't go to church anymore. I got tired of the hypocrisy. The biggest being committed by my ex-step-father.

My sister doesn't know what Sodom and Gomorrah is. She doesn't believe that's in the Bible. Because her father doesn't even pay attention to her. That's sad. The man who forced religion down our throats when he was with us has completely neglected his OWN FLESH AND BLOOD'S religious training. Ridiculous really.

It's people that have ruined Christianity for me. It's God that has ruined God for me. And maybe, as the teacher was saying last night in Bible class, I am treating God like a harlot by running from him and coming back only when I need him. I don't really come back, though. My life has not changed since I stopped believing in Him. I'm just as miserable, just as unlucky, just as downtrodden.

Don't tell me "Rain falls on the just and unjust alike." I've had it up to HERE with that verse. Don't tell me that I am being refined by the Refiner's fire.

I am a human being who suffers, like every other human being. And my belief in God, or disbelief as the case may or may not be, hasn't changed that.

Frustrated.

There are so many things I've been wanting to say and I keep holding it in, because I'm so afraid to piss people off. I know, right? Sarai, afraid to piss someone off? You'd never know it from this blog, would you?

There is so much I hold back, however. Things I type and read over, before I delete it all. I've been doing this my whole life, censoring myself. Censoring myself because of fear, because of my longing to be accepted for who I am. But I'm not giving myself, I'm giving a version of me. A version that I don't like very much.

I don't like this coward, the one who demurely let's people run over her.
I don't like this girl that I feel I've become. I'm a lot more confrontational than I used to be, but even now I back off from a fight.

I am a Libra. I am supposed to bring balance. I am supposed to be able to see the two sides of every story. And I do see both sides. But I can't make others see what it is I am seeing. No matter what I may do. I feel unbalanced, like a scale tipping too far over.

I am a Dragon by birth. I shouldn't be afraid of anything. I should be self-confident and arrogant. This dragon has been beaten to the point of submission and I've been tamed, shamed, into being this person that I am.

It makes my stomach hurt, just thinking about it. It makes me want to throw up when I think of causing a confrontation. But it also makes me sick to censor myself any longer.

I can't even be myself in my own home. Not because of Donnie, he would let me say and do what I want really.

Haven't I hidden myself long enough?

I live in so much fear. The fear that I'll say too much, or not enough. That I am failing everyone around me. Feelings I can't explain or name. This bitterness that wells up and threatens to choke me sometimes.

And that bitterness is what I try to keep to myself outside of this blog. Outside of my bedroom, I am attempting to be happy and go-lucky. Holly Go-lightly in the Modern Age.

I am bitter.
I am imperfect.
I am what I am!

In this spirit, I suppose I should get on with the topics I was going to discuss. Including, but not limited to the following article...



http://www.theblaze.com/stories/he-got-what-he-deserved-texas-dad-beats-his-daughters-molester-to-death/

You don't even have to read the article to know what it's about, really. Since the link states the article's subject. However, I went ahead and read it. Especially since someone on my Facebook posted it. She seemed to believe that this was a perfectly okay thing to do, as did most of her friends. I disagree.

Firstly, when you read the article, you see that the father left his four-year-old daughter alone. In a horse barn. Completely unaware that anything could be happening until he heard her screaming.

Re-read that paragraph. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Who, in their right mind, leaves their four-year-old child ALONE in a public place? That is not to say that the father deserved to see his daughter being assaulted. No one deserves to be assaulted and no one should have to walk in on that. However, what the fuck was he THINKING?! Or not thinking as the case apparently is.

Also, I hate that everyone is hailing him as a hero. He isn't a hero. He is a murderer. Did the man deserve to die for trying to rape a four-year-old child? Yes. But that is up to the courts to decide, not a man who took justice into his own hands. I can understand that he was probably blinded by his rage, anyone sensible person should be. That still doesn't give him the right to murder. We have laws in this country for a reason.

He is going to go to jail. He murdered someone. He is going to go to jail. If he is lucky, it won't be a long sentence. If he is unlucky, he'll be put to death. First degree murder is punishable with death in Texas. Anyone who is even VAGUELY familiar with Texas knows how giddy they are when they have the opportunity to put someone to death, guilty or innocent.

The other thing that I am really upset about is all this crap about Socialism.

Newsflash:
Social Security is a product of Socialism, but we are so set on NOT losing that.
Public Schools are a product of Socialism. Heaven forbid we had to pay for private school or *gasp* homeschool!

Personally speaking, I firmly believe in this:
"The Socialist Party U.S.A. That party believes in what is called “Democratic Socialism," defined as 'a political and economic system with freedom and equality for all, so that people may develop to their fullest potential in harmony with others.' The party further states that it is 'committed to full freedom of speech, assembly, press, and religion, and to a multi-party system' and that the ownership and control of the production and distribution of goods 'should be democratically controlled public agencies, cooperatives, or other collective groups'.(http://www.u-s-history.com/pages/h1669.html)"

I don't see anything wrong with National Healthcare. It is the same as Social Security. We'd get a little more taken out of our paychecks each week to go towards healthcare. Big fucking deal! Other countries have been doing this for YEARS. This horrific practice of "socialist medicine" has worked brilliantly for several other countries. So much so that many Americans immigrate to those countries so they can afford to stay healthy. Namely, Canada.

I don't understand this belief that Obamacare is wrong because it is socialist. Many people who couldn't afford healthcare can have it now! I think that's a good thing, being one of several MILLION people who can't afford medicine that we need desperately.

I don't understand all this hatred for Obama either.

He has helped produce new jobs, he has tried to help straighten out this whole "men are still paid more than a woman in the same position," he has come out for Homosexual marriage, etc. He has done SO MANY GOOD THINGS, I don't understand how people can bitch about him so.

But maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm wrong. I always am, apparently.

Oh well, enough ranting. I'm going to go read a nice book and maybe go for a drink. I have errands to run anyway.

Welcome to the Deluge

Things have been a little crazy recently, due to work and trying to have a personal life (which is still mostly non-existent by the way). I was working a lot. Emphasis on WAS.

Today I am going to work on my resume, have lunch with my husband, watch my brother perform in the cursed Scottish play, pay my car insurance, listen to music, read and talk to Fawn. Sounds like a busy day for me!

Anywho, into the fray of this day I would like to interject this song.

I love it. The whole thing. The song, the video, the singer. It is a gorgeously done video.

Cocoon by Alpines

Another Moment

I was eleven in 1999. My brother was nine and my sister was almost four.

I don't think it was the first year that my mother let us stay up for New Year's Eve, but it was one of the first years she let us.

Y2K was everywhere. It was the new Communist scare; the newest trend in fear. We were going to be set back from the technological age.

For me it was exciting. I have always dreamed that we would be forced back in time. It is an idea that I've tried to write about too. I love history so much that it made me think that we would start dressing like we did in the 1800's again, start speaking properly and acting like we were civilized. Much to my chagrin, that isn't what would've actually happened if technology had been decimated.

On this particular New Year's Eve, on the brink of a new millenia, my brother and I were staying up for midnight. Hannah had already been put to bed, mostly against her will as she had wanted to be a big girl and stay up too. She fell asleep shortly before ten and I carried her to our shared bedroom. Chris and I hadn't fully decided what we wanted to do.

If I recall correctly, we played some records before we decided to watch a movie.

Of course our first choice was "Much Ado About Nothing."




My mother has always been very eclectic in her tastes (which is where I got it!) and her love of classical things is what influenced me in my love for the same. Shakespeare was one of my first loves. Elvis came first, though.

Anywho, this was one of our favorite films. It still is. So we watched that. That killed some time, but not enough for midnight.

It was around this time that Ivan, a dear family friend, called to wish us Happy New Year. I told him that Mom had gone to bed with a migraine and that Chris and I were watching Shakespeare movies until midnight. He offered to come over and watch movies with us. And bring pizza.

When he arrived we decided to watch "Henry V."




Which, in case you didn't know, is a war movie. It is one of the only war movies I enjoy, because it is Shakespeare in all his glory. And Kenneth Branagh. That helps too... Because it is a war movie, that automatically means that it is bloody. As in VERY bloody. Nothing like blood and pizza on the brink of what was supposed to be the Technological Apocalypse, right?

Anyway, Ivan kept covering his. He isn't fond of blood and gore. Neither am I, usually, but for this particular movie I make an exception. Did I mention Kenneth Branagh is in it? I did? Oh, well it bears repeating... Hmm.... *drools* I mean, what? Where was I? Oh right, the movie.

So, Chris and I, being terrible children, kept teasing Ivan and telling him that the blood was gone. Of course he would peep out from between his fingers and see there was still plenty of blood on the screen and cover them back up. And we would giggle like it was the funniest thing ever. Which, at the time, it was.

I don't know why, but I've been thinking about this particular memory a lot lately. Nostalgia in my old age? Who knows.

I miss those times. I miss believing that everything was going to be fine. I miss believing that we were all going to make it somehow. I miss being closer to my sister. I miss having a family.

I still have a family, but it feels different. It has changed so much from the family it used to be. We are still Debra, Sarai, Chris and Hannah. But we are different. We are much changed from the people we used to be. Sometimes I don't think we are changed for the better.

Sometimes I miss living in that little blue trailer, in the middle of nowhere. Surrounded by fields full of alfalfa and woods that held such beautiful mysteries. I miss riding my bike up and down that gravel road. I miss our dogs. I miss my knitting lessons and sneaking peeks of naughty movies while babysitting. I miss sharing a room with my baby sister, with an old and tattered poster of a Degas ballerina. I miss listening to Simon and Garfunkel on the record player. I even miss listening to old sermon tapes.

I miss the deer heads and the mounted fish. I miss fishing and playing in the snow.

I miss making homemade pizza with my mom. I miss playing chess with my brother. I miss reading to my mom.

What I miss most is what you can see in these pictures...










I miss what we used to be, when we were happy. Not when we were fighting, not when we were being abused, not when we were miserable. I miss those sparkling moments that linger in my memory where we were happy and we were a family.

A Dragon in the Year of the Dragon

Happy New Year Everyone!

As always, there are many regrets and sweet memories from the previous year and new resolutions for the new year. I have so many things I want to accomplish this year!

When I was younger, my friend, Kendra, and I made lists of all the firsts we did in the New Year. So here is a short list of firsts on this first day of the new year.

First Food eaten: Raspberry Mousse Whipped yogurt
First Drink (non-alcohol): Sam's Choice Cola
First Song: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri
First Phone call made: To my mother.
First kiss received: Exactly at midnight, from my wonderful husband!
First Website visited: Facebook

Super short, I know. What can I say? Its early enough! There is so much day ahead of me!

I also have a short list of resolutions:
- Be completely awesome forever (Thank you, Donnie)
- Finish writing "All of Her"
- Lose weight (always)
- New and Improved Reading Goals (which I'll expound upon in a moment)
- Focus on improving my writing
- Finally get into college!
- Get a new car
- Move (again)
- Spend more time with my sister
- Enjoy life.

New and Improved Reading Goals
All things considered, I actually did really well with my resolution to read more last year. I made it all the way to October before I completely gave up for no apparent reason. The reasoning was actually I was super busy and spaced it mostly. Though I did try to read. However, as Yoda says "Do or do not, there is no try."

The new reading goals are going to be divided by months. Each month will have specific goals to be met regarding reading. So bear with me!

January
- Read 1 book from my list.
- Read 1 book I haven't read in a while.
- Read 1 book I have had suggested to me.
Total: 3 books.

February
- Read 1 Sci-Fi novel.
- Read 1 Non-fiction.
- Read 1 Historical Fiction.
Total: 3 books.

March
- Read 2 books from my list.
- Read 1 book I haven't read in a while.
- Read 1 book that I randomly found at the library.
Total: 4 books.

April
- Read 2 books from my list.
- Read 1 book my sister suggests.
- Read 1 book my brother suggests.
Total: 4 books.

May
- Read 2 books from my list.
- Read 1 book that was turned into a movie.
- Read 1 book involving a topic I've never really explored before.
Total: 4 books.

June
- Read as many books as I want. This includes books I've already read.
Total: ?

July
- Read 2 books from my list.
- Read 1 book of Historical Non-fiction.
- Read 1 book of Historical fiction.
Total: 4 books.

August
- Read 1 book about someone I admire.
- Read 1 book that is a sequel to a book I loved.
- Read 1 book about an animal.
- Read 2 books from my list.
Total: 5 books.

September
- Read 1 book about something I would I like to do.
- Read 1 book written about someone I hate.
- Read 1 book that I found randomly.
- Read 2 books from my list.
Total: 5 books.

October
- Read 1 Romance Novel.
- Read 1 Fantasy Novel.
- Read 1 Children's Book.
- Read 2 books from my list.
Total: 5 books.

November
- Read 2 books from my list.
- Finish 1 book I haven't finished.
- Read 1 book by Ayn Rand.
- Read 1 play by Shakespeare.
Total: 5 books.

December
- Read 1 book about Holidays. Fiction or Non-fiction.
- Read 1 book written 100 years ago.
- Read 1 book by Dr. Seuss.
Total: 3 books.

Approximate Total for 2012: 45 books.

Sarai's Crazy Texts

My friends and I have some very odd conversations, text wise. Some we have in person, but they aren't always as hilarious. So, for your viewing pleasure here are some of the crazy texts my friends and I have had.

Me: Communist.
11:27PM Thu, 13 January

My Brother: Liberal :P
12:27AM Fri, 14 January

~

K: You only get married once (hypothetically) lol. If a wedding isn't something that is important to you, I say go for it. BUT!!! If even a fraction of you wants a wedding, big or small, I would wait. You could end up resenting your spouse later on, ruining your marriage and causing you to join the circus. I've seen it a hundred times. Also: I happen to be a great wedding singer. I do all Whitney Houston songs, and my rate is low.
12:23PM Thu, 14 July

Me: Well the thinking is that we get married @ the courthouse, then save for a real wedding later on. Also, joining the circus doesn't seem so bad.
12:29PM Thu, 14 July

Me: You are a wedding singer?
12:30PM

K: Ahhh well that doesn't sound too bad. Provided you're ready to be married. Never rush into a decision you have your entire life to make. Am I a wedding singer?
Inside: yes.
Professionally: no.
Your wedding would be my debut.
12:36PM

Me: Whitney Houston is your specialty? I don't think we are rushing. We will have been together 3 years by our chosen wedding date. We've been engaged a year.
12:45PM

K: Yes. I feel like Whitney really gets me. Then I say go for it! Just remember to send me an invitation!
12:48PM

Me: You're wanting to sing at the Monroe County Courthouse on September 1st? Lol.
12:51PM

K: No no.. At a real wedding.
1:03PM

Me: Lol. I know, I was teasing. I will send you an invite someday. I am sure that you will receive many invitations to sing after your debut.
1:07PM

K: Thats a given.
1:08PM

~

Phil: Hi parch i mean sarai
9:00PM Thu, 13 January

~

Me: Are you working tomorrow?
1:29PM Thu, 14 July

K: Yessum.
1:29PM

Me: I work as well. 2 - 6. POS in fact. I am taking a shift for H. Is he okay? He has been acting strangely. He seemed really down yesterday.
1:33PM

K: No idea. He was over here the other night. Maybe he's pregnant.
1:33PM

Me: That's true. He has been eating a lot of pickles and ice cream.
1:34PM

~

Phil: chicken butt sex!!! omg!
2:15PM Sat, 29 January

~

K: What is her number again?
10:09PM Wed, 10 August

Me: Why do you always lose her number?
10:55PM Wed, 10 August

K: Hahaha i just never save it.
11:13PM

Me: Silly goose.
11:14PM

K: If I am a bird, I would be an owl. Or an eagle. Or a wolf!!! Muahahaha!
11:19PM

Me: Wolves are not birds!
11:20PM

K: I know.. I got carried away.
11:21PM

Me: Noticed. At least you aren't an acid spraying honey badger?
11:23PM

K: Indeed. Badgers are rude.
11:27PM

Me: Quite.
11:29PM

~

Phil: Anything exciting happening today?
2:00PM Sun, 13 February

Me: The entire state decided to divorce Illinois and move back to live with its mother Montana. Other than that no.
2:04PM Sun, 13 February

~

Fawn: The highlight of my night. Trent reading porn titles off the TV. We are laughing hysterically...
12:36AM Tue, 29 March

~

K: Twainism is a religion I would follow without hesitation.
8:31 PM Mon, 02 May

~

Zach: God, your such a tease:p
10:50PM Fri, 03 June

~

Me: K. I am drunk texting you. Lol
10:40PM Fri, 15 April

Me: I love alcohol. Tee hee
10:48PM

K: I love you.
10:54PM

~

SJ: Hows it hanging ?
9:55PM Wed, 09 March

Me: Free and happy?
9:56PM Wed, 09 March

SJ: Lol tell donny I said to put some pants on
9:56PM

It Gets Better

In April (the 13th to be specific), I posted a blog called "September's Children" (you can link to it here: http://saraicrazyblog.blogspot.com/2011/04/septembers-children.html?zx=7d1cbeb70cf8bf40) about young adults and children who killed themselves because of being tormented by their peers for being homosexual/bisexual/transgendered/etc. I also posted a song by a group called Rise Against called "Make it Stop (September's Children)". At the time there was no official video for the song, but I wanted to post it anyway because of the powerful message of the song itself.

Today I was on Facebook (a terrible addiction, by the way) and saw that Fergie (I "like" her on Facebook) had posted a link to the video, because Rise Against is her label-mate. Obviously I had to go and watch it. Unfortunately my computer is slow as hell some days (especially in the afternoon because it is a community connection through our apartment complex), so I settled for downloading it and then watching. And I was blown away.

The song is powerful all on its own. The lyrics pack a proverbial punch without any added imagery, really. For example, the line: "What God would damn a heart? What God drove us apart?" For me, the impact of these statements are staggering. Growing up in church, I was taught that Homosexuality was wrong. As a young woman, I finally admitted to my own tendencies toward Bisexuality. My attraction to women has been around for quite some time, if I admit it to myself. I have always been curious and I've always known in a way. I just never admitted it to myself. Or anyone else for that matter.

Then I saw the video and what I thought couldn't be a more powerful message astounded me by being even more powerful when packed with visual imagery, rather than mental imagery.

I started thinking about all the injustices committed against those who choose to love someone. It's like Love is a dirty word. Love isn't about "Love", it is about what looks good. Its about what makes other people happy. Its about not offending someone. It offends someone's grandmother that a beautiful boy is kissing another beautiful boy, rather than a beautiful girl. It offends some "pastor" that a young black (Asian, Arab, Indian, etc.) man wants to marry a young white girl. It gets under someone's skin that a young woman loves an older man. All the terrible names, all the murders, the suicides, all the hate, because two people can't possibly love each other. What a sin! Heaven forbid that we LOVE one another. Heaven forbid that we actually follow what the Bible says.

That is something I hate more than anything, too. Christians (and Muslims, Hindus and any other religious group) are good at picking what they agree with in the Bible (or whatever religious tome) and ignoring everything else. People like Pat Robertson (I bitch about him a lot, I know, but he gets under my skin SO MUCH) claim the verse "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." (King James Version; Leviticus chapter 18, verse 22). They also follow that verse with this one (also found in Leviticus 18, verse 29) "For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people." There are also many verses in Deuteronomy that suggest stonings and the such for people who don't follow the laws of the Lord.

Now here is where things get a little sticky. Jesus said, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." (John 13:34-35)

He also said, "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." (Matthew 22:39)

Jesus and God are the same person. Ask almost any Christian and you will be told that God is God, Jesus is God and the Holy Spirit is God. God the father, God the son and God the Holy Ghost. So, if Jesus is God and He said to "Love thy Neighbour", we should be following that right? Something my mother used to always say to me was "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Which I think sums up what Jesus was trying to say. Except one problem, God said that those who disobey Him are to be punished with death, exile, etc. So which do we follow? Well obviously we SAY that we should love our neighbours. Of course, if they are gay, black, Muslim, et cetera, then forget that.

Another thing, and this isn't a religious based question, isn't America supposed to be the land of the free? ("One Nation Under God, I feel its love like a cattle prod" That is another line from the song that comes to mind.)Isn't America supposed to be Equal? All Human Beings were made equal in the Eyes of God. Isn't that what America stands for? We are Equal, we are United. Unless, of course, you are African-American, Muslim, Homosexual, Asian, Catholic, Jewish, Women or we just don't like your face. In which case, we are NOT equal or united. United we could stand, Divided we will fall.

I spit in my brother's face because he is different and he spits in mine, is that equality? Is that what men like Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. died for? Is that what the men and women serving in Iraq have died for? Are we only free when we are white and boring? Seriously? Who wants to be a clone? Who wants everyone to be the same? Our differences are what makes us US! Who are we if not ourselves?

I am proud to be a Young, Deist, Bisexual, Varied Woman! I am proud to be who I am, in spite of what everyone says I should be. I am proud to Love whoever I choose to love, in spite of who everyone says I should. I am proud to say and do whatever I want to, not what I am told I should and should not say and do.

In that spirit, I now present the official video for "Make it Stop (September's Children)" by Rise Against. Thanks for reading my rant (or at least for watching the video, since I know that was a wall of text).

This is for the Insane Birds

Here are ten ways to know that you are insane:

1. You use your boyfriend's penis as a microphone, while singing to a really weepy break up song.

2. You suggest taking lung into your air, rather than air into your lungs.

3. You laugh like an idiot for a few minutes before realizing that you don't even remember why you were laughing.

4. You get so trashed that you don't even care when you fall down and your "friends" roll you down the parking lot.

5. You pick out random Robert Frost poetic references during a song that is played incessantly at work.

6. You get excited when a video game character references a Harrison Ford movie.

7. You actually contemplate making up a Facebook page for a video game character so you can be friends.

8. Your boyfriend catches you rocking out to "The Safety Dance"... in your underwear.

9. You get so upset when your skinned hound dies in "Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion" that you not only cry, but you refuse to play the game for a week or so.

10. For some absurd reason you actually believe in Mermaids and Unicorns and/or you have celebrated Zombie Appreciation Month.

Well, I think there was no doubt before this post, but I'm pretty sure I'm insane. Partially because I come up with lists that prove that I'm insane. Also, its fun to rock out to "The Safety Dance" in your underwear, until you get caught. Then its just awkward. O.O

And suddenly, I don't know why, but I have the line "This shit is bananas, B A NA NA S!" by Gwen Stefani...

Past Living

The idea of Reincarnation and Past lives is not knew in this world of crazy ideas. And, to be fair, out of all the crazy ideas it certainly isn't the craziest. Several high-profile religions follow the belief that we are reincarnated after death, including Hinduism and Buddhism. Even some Christians believe in Reincarnation, though the Bible clearly states: "And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:" (Hebrews 9:27)

I like the idea of reincarnation because in some small way it is a piece of me living on. I like that idea, like anyone else I'm sure. We all want to live forever in some shape or form. So why not as another person or an animal? Or even as plants? I would love to be a weeping willow tree, I think. Or a red maple. They are both very beautiful trees. Or maybe a rose? I would want to be a white rose.

Going back to past lives though, many people believe that they were someone else in a past life. However, according to an article I read on MSNBC's website this is due to memory errors which creates "false memories". This is also attributed to a sense of deja vu, or the feeling of having been somewhere before. Also, it pointed out that most people only claim to have been famous people once. Past lives are never boring.

To be fair, who wants to say "I was a child who died of *insert any disease here* during the 1800's" (which was very common) or "I was a housewife who had three children and lived to the ripe old age of 82 before passing away in my sleep" or "I was a total nobody who never did anything exciting and died a boring/normal death" or even "I was a greyhound bus who couldn't go below 50mph (miles per hour) or I would blow up, along with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock". Oh wait, that last one might be too exciting for a past life.

It is much more exciting to say "I was Sarah Winchester and I was so haunted by spirits that I built an ever changing house to escape and confuse them" or "I was Catherine de Medici and I was madly in love with my husband who never actually loved me back" or "I was Anne Boleyn and I didn't sleep with my brother, but lost my damn head anyway" or "I was the Eiffel Tower".

Personally, I can understand why people would want to be somebody famous in a past life. Everyone wants some kind of adventure. Why not say they were adventurous in a past life? Personally, I think it would have been nice to just be a young Jewish girl who got married to someone I truly loved and then had a few children who grew up and had children of their own. Doesn't that sound ideal to anyone else? No? Just me? Okay, well then, moving on.

Seriously though, I have thought about this quite a bit. I firmly believe in the supernatural so I guess it comes naturally (ha, pun) to believe in reincarnation or ghosts or that life goes on after we are gone. I mean, we all want to believe in something right? That is why we have heroes and gods/goddesses. So we have something we can turn to when times are rough. Reincarnation/Past Lives are kind of the same thing I guess.

If you were to have lived a past life who/what would you want to be? Would you want to be someone famous and exciting? As for me, I think I will stick to being a Weeping Willow or the Eiffel Tower.

A Safety Dance

Today has been my day for being nostalgic. Of course I'm nostalgic for times in which I wasn't even alive. Or maybe I was... *shrug* See that is for a completely other blog, which I will probably post next. Anyway, so today I felt like cheering up my mom, which is always fun, so I played this song.

For those of you who don't know, this song is called "The Safety Dance" and it is by Men Without Hats. A strange name for an awesome band that really only had one great hit in the states. However, it remains one of my favorites of crazy 80's videos that really don't make any kind of sense (i.e. "Turning Japanese" by The Vapors, "Down Under" by Men at Work, etc...). Enjoy!


To quote one commentor on this video "Cocaine is one hell of a drug."

Don't Bother

Thanks to a certain Phil, I have been on an interesting music kick, one I've never been on before. Because of this it was very difficult to pick just one video to post. The reason I picked the one I ended up picking was because I think she looks like a goddess while playing the guitar, plus this video gives a full range of her unique voice.

Of course I'm speaking of Shakira! And the video I am presenting to you today is "Don't Bother" one of my favorite songs by her. Did I mention she looks like a goddess while she plays the guitar in this video?



I am sure that in the near future I will post some more by this fabulous woman, but for now, please enjoy!

A Fashionable Affair

As promised here is another blog on Fashion and the Fashionable. Today we're going to look at clothing for women, particularly dresses and swim suits. Partially because the trends hardly ever change for men and partially because I am a woman.

First up on women's fashion is this "classic" knit dress by Mark Fast. I'm not sure what the classic part means. Mr. Fast, I would just like to say has not created anything spectacular with this piece, at least in this blogger's opinion. I could also make something like this, being a knitter. It would take time and the materials, but would roughly cost you $30 to $40. That would cover the materials used and, unless I charged you by the hour, my time spent making it. This piece will cost you £1,285.00. That is how much it would cost you in Euros, in United States Dollars (USD) it will cost you more, because the dollar isn't exactly up right now. Total cost in US currency is $1,572.05.


Next up we have a beautiful bathing suit (as Summer has finally arrived). I don't know who designed it, but I think it is one of the most beautiful pieces I've seen. I especially like the side piece connecting the top and bottom. As far as swimsuits go this is my favorite. If you know who designed this particular piece feel free to leave me a comment.


Also in fashion right now is this lovely piece that people are calling a "suspender vest". I actually am looking into making one for myself. I've been seeing a lot of girls wearing this around where I live. I love the simple cut of it and how it accentuates the bust line. I also love the blouse that they chose to pair this with. It looks perfect for the office or a night out with friends. Plus it can be paired with either a nice pair of slacks or a pencil skirt.


This is one of my favorite dresses. I love the neckline, I like the hemming and I love the particular shade that they chose for it. I love the length, though I personally wouldn't wear it that short(I'm self-conscious) and I love the way it hangs on the mannequin. Mini dresses are in this season and they are quite cute, in my opinion.


Up next is a black dress by Carla Zampatti. This is another of my favorite dresses, not just because it is black, but because of the simplicity. If you haven't noticed by now, I love simplicity in my clothing and shoes. The ruffles at the top serve to accentuate the simplicity of the rest of the dress, but still add a decent amount of flair to the piece. I'm not quite sure if this is an A-line or an Empire waisted dress because of the model's stance, but it is lovely nonetheless. I would prefer this dress to the fabled "little black dress".


This next picture is of another bathing suit. This particular bathing suit is a Julisha Cut Out Bathing suit. Firstly, I hate the color scheme. It is too loud and the colors do not match well. Secondly, I don't like the way it is designed. It appears to be too complex to even attempt to put on, let alone be comfortable in. This type of swimsuit is bound to bunch up on you if you try to lay on your stomach and provide some very unappealing tan lines if you lie on your back. And did I mention that I hate the color scheme?


Lastly, we have a Hervé Léger piece as worn by singer, Kelly Rowland. I love the designs that are found all over the front and sides of this particular dress. Especially the right side with the lace up pattern. It gives a great sense of a corset on the sides, while still keeping the flow of the rest of the dress. I also love the length of the sleeves. They fit perfectly with the short hem of the dress itself and keep everything balanced.


Look forward to more dresses, shoes, men's clothing, women's clothing and other such fashion trends in the next blog. ^^

Peace and Elbow Grease,
Sarai.

The Subtle Art of Fashion

I am always the first person to admit that I am NOT fashionable. Not in any way, shape or form. I don't like dresses, I abhor shoes and I detest being confined to what is in and what is out. However, this doesn't mean that I don't like things that ARE fashionable. I love looking at beautiful clothes and shoes. I like knowing what is in fashion and what isn't. I like watching the trends while I do my own thing.

Anyway, this is a blog about different things going on in the fashion world. Some of them are strange, some gorgeous and some just what the fuck? Some of them I even like! So let's begin the tour shall we?

For this particular blog let's start with Shoes. Shoes are the bane of my existence. I love being barefoot. Though, admittedly I love the way some shoes look. I also like the way my feet look in some shoes. I think if I had smaller feet I'd like them better. Unfortunately, for myself, I have size 11 feet (10 in men's) and they just don't make enough cute shoes for my size.

2010 is definitely the year for new and innovative shoes. I'm pretty sure that Lady Gaga has helped with this as the shoes she often wears in her videos are very strange and painful looking. And as I'm sure most people know fashion trends often follow celebrity.

The first picture I would like to show is of a shoe imitating a red rose. I think it is one of the most gorgeously designed shoes I've ever seen. I love roses, being one of my favorite flowers, and this particular shoe captures all the beauty of a rose with the simplicity of heels. The curves of the petals are especially beautiful. Delicate and simple, but they add a touch of class to this already classy shoe.


Next we have the Mink Shoe. This shoe is supposedly lined with genuine mink fur. I do not particularly like this shoe, completely putting aside the fact that it is lined with mink. It isn't a very well designed shoe, in my opinion. Also, the particular pairing of reptilian skin and mink fur does not seem very logical to me. Whilst both can create a beautiful piece of fashion, I do not think that the two together is a good combination. Also, the reptilian pattern changes in four different instances, making the unevenness unappealing to say the least.
Follow the link to see where the fur comes from: http://wildlifemysteries.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/american-mink2.jpg


Next on our list of shoes is the Manolo Blahnik Pepe Sandal. I prefer the closed toe version of these sandals, but was unable to find a good picture of them. I must admit that Manolo Blahnik's shoes are beautiful. I really do like them. If I was into spending hundreds of dollars on shoes that will be out of fashion by the fall, I would buy his shoes. I think what I like about these particular shoes is the simplicity. These shoes don't have to be extravagant or crazy to be beautiful. They are simplistically classy and elegant all on their own.


This next shoe is just for shits and giggles as far as shoes go. Whilst it would definitely be a good anti-rape tool, it is also quite pretty if you look past the spikes. I am a fan of simplicity when it comes to shoes. The simpler the better. Often people think they have to have elaborate hair, costumes and shoes to be beautiful, but beauty is often found in simplicity. Such is the case with this shoe. Remove the spikes and you have a beautiful, simple, shoe.


Our next picture is of a shoe designed by Catherine Malandrino. I love the color of it, but not so much a fan of the heel. It is an interesting design and with the right outfit would kick some major ass, but personally speaking I wouldn't wear them. These would, however, offer more support than the average spiked heel.


Our last shoe for today is another Manolo Blahnik shoe. I do not know the exact name of this particular shoe, but love it. Well, except the point. I am not that big a fan of pointed toe shoes. I like rounded toe shoes, because it offers more comfort for the wearer. However, many women don't care and will go to great lengths to be fashionable. Such is the case with the pointed toe wonder that is this particular creation by Manolo Blahnik. I love the beading and the design on the shoe itself. It is a simple enough shoe, but the beading and various patterning really brings it out.


Well, that is all for now. I plan on posting some more on the topic of fashion relatively soon. Look forward to Wedding fashion, some more shoe fashion and other such fashionable things.

In the mean time,
Peace and Elbow Grease,
Sarai.