On Monday...

Dear Aunt Peggy,
I keep expecting you to call, even though I know you're not going to. I keep expecting you to leave me a voicemail message, saying, you know, "what do you want for lunch on Monday?" And I keep thinking "what am I even going to do on Monday?"

I've had a lot of suggestions.

"Well, you could always catch up on all your reading." or...
"I'm sure you'll come up with something, you have plenty of time." and...
"What will you do on Monday?"

My answer is, I don't know.

What will I do on Monday, Aunt Peggy?

You're not going to be there and I keep thinking, "man, I kept putting off cleaning those pictures for you. And, man, I kept putting off going and seeing you there at the end. And, man, I did a lot of putting off didn't I?"

And then I keep thinking you never broke any promises to me before now. In one fell swoop, you broke several.

I don't have a picture of you. Besides the one I took on my phone when you weren't paying attention. Can't see your face.

And you broke your promise that you would live to 100, 'cause we still had seventeen more years to go.

And, you know, broken promises. I'm not angry at you. I just wish you'd been able to keep them.

But I keep thinking that you had the spaghetti and meatballs all ready. And that you were so excited we were going to have spaghetti and meatballs because we hadn't had it in a long time.

And I keep coming back to "what am I going to do on Monday?"

Because we're not going to get to share our McDonald's cup of coffee anymore.
And we're not going to get to eat goulash together anymore.
And we're not going to get to rant at Pat Robertson anymore.
And we're not going to get to do any of those things anymore.

So, what am I going to do on Monday, Aunt Peggy?

What am I going to do on Monday?

I thought maybe I'd still come and share a cup of coffee with you.
And maybe I'll bring my books and I'll bring a blanket to sit on so I don't get grass stains all over my rear.
And maybe I'll go and buy a chocolate soda.
And maybe I'll figure out how to make goulash on my own.
And maybe I'll use those potholders that you gave me.
I'll put up all the knick-knacks you gave me.
There's a lot of maybe's.

But Aunt Peggy, I'd much rather be with you. I'd much rather actually be getting to see you than wondering what it is I'm going to do.

Who am I going to watch "The Price is Right" with?
Who am I going to banter with about who pays for what?
Whose going to make me ham salad even though I don't eat pork? But I eat it anyway because you made it. The only time I ate pork for a really long time.
Whose going to worry about me while I'm off gallivanting in DC and whose going to ask me what "erectile dysfunction" means and whose going to ask me all these questions I don't know how to answer?

Its not fair, Aunt Peggy.
I love you.
I miss you.
I'm sorry I didn't come and see you at the end.
I'm sorry.

Love

I keep coming back to this one topic:

Love.
And the reason I keep coming back to it is because of how crazy it is. How crazy we are. How insane everything can be when Love is involved. And no, I'm not just writing this because I'm watching a Korean drama involving a complicated love. Though, it does help.

Once again, I'm going back to Homosexuality. Bisexuality. Transgendered. I'm going back to all the needless hate and stupidity and ignorance. I'm going back, because I just don't understand.

I, literally, cannot comprehend these prejudices. These hatreds.

I was raised a Christian. I believed that homosexuality, bisexuality, transgender were wrong. I believed for a long time that a man should not marry a man. A woman should not marry a woman. I believed that God created man and woman to be together and anything else is an abomination.

But when I was a child I also hid sexual feelings for other women. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and even seriously considered becoming a man, because I was not feminine. Newsflash, I'll never be "feminine."

The terrible thing is, when you are experiencing those feelings, you feel like you are letting God down. You feel like you are a monster because you feel a surge of attraction to someone of the same sex. Or when you imagine what it would be like to be a man and you are a woman. You imagine having sex with a woman, as a man, because then it wouldn't be wrong, right? Except it would because you were originally a woman and you changed what God intended.

Except we are all created in God's image. God doesn't make mistakes. Right?

But I'm in sin. I have sinned. Sinning is completely different. An all powerful, all knowing, God has no power over the choices you make. Except, doesn't he know everything before you do it? Why wouldn't he step in?

It was explained to me once, by my ex-step-father, that God is a "gentleman." He allows us to make our own decisions and what not, but doesn't meddle. Which is stupid. He is God. He interfered in human's lives from the very beginning. He destroyed the world with a flood because of the "sins" of the people. He demolished Sodom and Gomorrah because of their sin. Through out the Bible he is meddling.

But then you get into the downward spiral of "free will" and whether or not we have it.

I believe, if we are created in the image of God and God makes no mistakes, we are the way he created us. Which leads to a few messed up avenues, which we won't delve into tonight.

I was raised that we are to love the sinner and hate the sin.

I was raised in a family whose Homosexuality to Heterosexuality ratio was 1 in 3. I have two Uncles who are (were, as one of them has sadly passed on) homosexual and two Aunts that are (were, as one of them has also passed on) lesbians. I am bisexual, my brother is bisexual.

I was raised confused.

An all loving, all knowing, God hates. These feelings I am experiencing are wrong. They are a sin. I am doing everything wrong. I'm not being the obedient, submissive woman I should be. I am too opinionated. Too well-read. Too stubborn. I am trying to be in love with a God that hates me. Or does he distinguish between sin and sinner?

You can blame my feelings on being molested many times as a child/young adult. You can blame my feelings on sin. You can blame it on my discovery of pornography (of the Lesbian variety) as a young woman. You can blame it on what you want or do not.

But it doesn't change that I am who I am. I love who I love.

I have had sex with a woman and I enjoyed it. The feelings were pure. The desire to be together, physically, with someone that you are attracted to is perfectly normal. Unless its towards the same sex, in which case it is a hideous thing. It can't be love. It can't be anything but disgusting. Love isn't love if it is for someone of the same sex.

What God damns a heart?

What if, and bear with me here (Donnie, you aren't allowed to comment, because I already know your opinion on it). What if, the roles were reversed? What if it was heterosexuals who were the weird ones? What if being straight was abnormal? Would we still feel the same way? Would we still say that homosexuals don't deserve the same rights? Would it be different if it was the other way around?

I think I might write a story about that. About the possibilities of that kind of society. It isn't that strange. The Amazons were said to only be with a man to procreate and then they killed him. It was considered weak to be with a man. It was considered a betrayal. How different that must be.

Of course, in today's world the Amazons wouldn't have to even associate with a man. In today's world we don't even have to have sex to have a child. One can be created for us. One could be created with just a little sperm and a viable egg. No penis has to enter a vagina. No sexual intercourse has to be utilized to reproduce now.

Maybe I am rambling now. I just have so many thoughts running around in this head of mine that sometimes I lose track of where I was going with what.

All I know is that I don't understand it. If you wanted to get married and the law wouldn't let you, would you let that stand in your way? No. You would fight for it. If you desperately loved that person you would fight until your dying breath.

Don't people like my Aunt and her partner deserve to have a LEGAL marriage? They've been together longer than I've been alive. If anyone deserves to get married its her. Don't they deserve the same rights allotted to every other married couple? Its not like a piece of fucking paper is going to change their feelings for one another. But shouldn't they have the choice?

Divorce is high already. Without legal marriage for homosexuals. But Homosexuality is what is ruining the country. Ruining the world.

It doesn't matter that children in these households consistently do better in school. It doesn't matter that people like Pat Robertson are what is destroying this country. No. What matters is that some man is fucking another man. Heaven forbid they be in love with one another. Willingly giving themselves to each other and deeply in love.

Heaven forbid we love our neighbors as ourselves. That we give them the same basic rights as we would want to have. Because you know, that is just too damn easy to do. Its too easy to admit that its wrong to prevent a human being from having the rights that you want for yourself. Its too easy to admit, which is why we don't.

We refuse our brothers and sisters, our fathers and mothers, our sons and daughters, aunts and uncles, the basic human right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness because they happen to want someone of the same sex. We refuse for the same reasons we refused (and still do in some places) interracial marriage. Because it offends the senses of some hoity toity bitch or dick.

And we'll continue to hide behind false religion until we are eventually killed by it or true revolution is attained.

It Gets Better

In April (the 13th to be specific), I posted a blog called "September's Children" (you can link to it here: http://saraicrazyblog.blogspot.com/2011/04/septembers-children.html?zx=7d1cbeb70cf8bf40) about young adults and children who killed themselves because of being tormented by their peers for being homosexual/bisexual/transgendered/etc. I also posted a song by a group called Rise Against called "Make it Stop (September's Children)". At the time there was no official video for the song, but I wanted to post it anyway because of the powerful message of the song itself.

Today I was on Facebook (a terrible addiction, by the way) and saw that Fergie (I "like" her on Facebook) had posted a link to the video, because Rise Against is her label-mate. Obviously I had to go and watch it. Unfortunately my computer is slow as hell some days (especially in the afternoon because it is a community connection through our apartment complex), so I settled for downloading it and then watching. And I was blown away.

The song is powerful all on its own. The lyrics pack a proverbial punch without any added imagery, really. For example, the line: "What God would damn a heart? What God drove us apart?" For me, the impact of these statements are staggering. Growing up in church, I was taught that Homosexuality was wrong. As a young woman, I finally admitted to my own tendencies toward Bisexuality. My attraction to women has been around for quite some time, if I admit it to myself. I have always been curious and I've always known in a way. I just never admitted it to myself. Or anyone else for that matter.

Then I saw the video and what I thought couldn't be a more powerful message astounded me by being even more powerful when packed with visual imagery, rather than mental imagery.

I started thinking about all the injustices committed against those who choose to love someone. It's like Love is a dirty word. Love isn't about "Love", it is about what looks good. Its about what makes other people happy. Its about not offending someone. It offends someone's grandmother that a beautiful boy is kissing another beautiful boy, rather than a beautiful girl. It offends some "pastor" that a young black (Asian, Arab, Indian, etc.) man wants to marry a young white girl. It gets under someone's skin that a young woman loves an older man. All the terrible names, all the murders, the suicides, all the hate, because two people can't possibly love each other. What a sin! Heaven forbid that we LOVE one another. Heaven forbid that we actually follow what the Bible says.

That is something I hate more than anything, too. Christians (and Muslims, Hindus and any other religious group) are good at picking what they agree with in the Bible (or whatever religious tome) and ignoring everything else. People like Pat Robertson (I bitch about him a lot, I know, but he gets under my skin SO MUCH) claim the verse "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." (King James Version; Leviticus chapter 18, verse 22). They also follow that verse with this one (also found in Leviticus 18, verse 29) "For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people." There are also many verses in Deuteronomy that suggest stonings and the such for people who don't follow the laws of the Lord.

Now here is where things get a little sticky. Jesus said, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." (John 13:34-35)

He also said, "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." (Matthew 22:39)

Jesus and God are the same person. Ask almost any Christian and you will be told that God is God, Jesus is God and the Holy Spirit is God. God the father, God the son and God the Holy Ghost. So, if Jesus is God and He said to "Love thy Neighbour", we should be following that right? Something my mother used to always say to me was "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Which I think sums up what Jesus was trying to say. Except one problem, God said that those who disobey Him are to be punished with death, exile, etc. So which do we follow? Well obviously we SAY that we should love our neighbours. Of course, if they are gay, black, Muslim, et cetera, then forget that.

Another thing, and this isn't a religious based question, isn't America supposed to be the land of the free? ("One Nation Under God, I feel its love like a cattle prod" That is another line from the song that comes to mind.)Isn't America supposed to be Equal? All Human Beings were made equal in the Eyes of God. Isn't that what America stands for? We are Equal, we are United. Unless, of course, you are African-American, Muslim, Homosexual, Asian, Catholic, Jewish, Women or we just don't like your face. In which case, we are NOT equal or united. United we could stand, Divided we will fall.

I spit in my brother's face because he is different and he spits in mine, is that equality? Is that what men like Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. died for? Is that what the men and women serving in Iraq have died for? Are we only free when we are white and boring? Seriously? Who wants to be a clone? Who wants everyone to be the same? Our differences are what makes us US! Who are we if not ourselves?

I am proud to be a Young, Deist, Bisexual, Varied Woman! I am proud to be who I am, in spite of what everyone says I should be. I am proud to Love whoever I choose to love, in spite of who everyone says I should. I am proud to say and do whatever I want to, not what I am told I should and should not say and do.

In that spirit, I now present the official video for "Make it Stop (September's Children)" by Rise Against. Thanks for reading my rant (or at least for watching the video, since I know that was a wall of text).

September's Children

September's Children is the name currently given to several young men who committed suicide last September because of anti-gay bullying.

The youngest of these was Seth Walsh, 13. He was bullied relentlessly by fellow students who continously called him a fag, a queer, a homo. He tried to commit suicide by hanging in his backyard. The attempt was unsuccessful and he was discovered. However, enough damage had been done that he lived just 9 days on life support, before finally passing away.

Another was Tyler Clementi, 18. He jumped from the George Washington Bridge after his roommate and another "hallmate" at his school released two videos of him in sexual encounters with other men. His body was found a week later.

Billy Lucas, 15, also committed suicide because of anti-gay bullying at his school. He hung himself in his family's barn in Indiana. He had been told that he was nothing and that he should just kill himself.

There are many, too many, young men and women who have been lost to us because they were Homosexual or Bisexual or Transgendered and were bullied. Or bashed. Not all of them have been lost to suicide. Some have been lost to murder or have simply disappeared.

How many children and young adults must turn to suicide before something is done to help? How many of our future leaders, doctors, scientists, actors and liberators have to die before their time for us to realize that we have a real problem?

And who is teaching our children to hate? Who is showing them that violence is the right thing to do? Adults who have no respect for life, who are prejudiced and full of venom. Adults who claim that homosexuals who get married is what will destroy the constitution of marriage. And those same adults who say that are marrying and divorcing and fucking around with people that they aren't married to. But somehow, homosexuality is going to destroy the institution of marriage! Christians, like Pat Robertson, who speak for intolerance and practically preach murder when they speak of homosexuality.

How are they supposed to learn any different? Hate is taught. Hate is learned. We do not come into this world with hate, though we leave this world with it raging through our veins.

In honor of all those who have died during the struggle to be counted as equals.

I got my back baby

Current mood: Apathetic

BABY GOT BACK by Sir Mix-A-Lot!!! A blast from the past, God I loved my childhood... lol....



AND "Table be Round" by Sir Mix-A-Lot (God, I love a good parody!)



Random cuteness for your viewing pleasure!



And now onto the news... Since I'm behind I'm going to catch you all up with ONE article from every day I've missed... maybe two if I feel like it. Ready? Set? NEWS!!

First we’ll start off with the news for today. I have four very interesting articles...

A young woman, after being attacked by a mugger, walks home. Why is this unusual? Because she had a knife lodged in her back.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2835867/Stab-victim-didnt-feel-blade.html

Nicotine Addicted Reptile for your viewing Pleasure.
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/811367-the-snake-whos-hooked-on-cigarettes

A 19 year old child porn victim seeks compensation.
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/02/03/child-porn-and-rape.html

Four women glue a cheating man’s penis to his stomach.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/women_avoid_jail_in_penis_glue_plot_tJEgBDsYQFiYN1scME6p4K

Jan. 06th.

A rescued reptile rescues his family from a house fire! Long Long the snake saves his adopted human family after a fire breaks out from an electric blanket.
http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/pets-animals/stories/pet-snake-saves-family-from-house-fire

Jan. 07th.

A falling dolphin injures one of the trainers. Who didn't see this one coming?
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/trainer-injured-by-falling-dolphin/story-e6frfku0-1225817107585

Jan. 08th.

Gorgeous pictures of the Harbin Ice and Snow Sculpture Festival in China.
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/01/harbin_ice_and_snow_sculpture.html

Men who have sex twice a week can reduce their risk for heart attacks and heart disease.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6950548/Having-sex-twice-a-week-reduces-chance-of-heart-attack-by-half.html

Jan. 09th.

A kitten found frozen in the snow survives!
http://www3.whdh.com/news/articles/local/BO133058/

Jan. 10th.

A criminal loses his fake penis in a raid. O.O
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/world/crime-lords-fake-penis-falls-off-in-raid/story-e6frfkui-1225817860385

Jan. 11 through 17.

Scary shark news… Did we cause them to kill us? (17th)
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1243355/As-swimmer-eaten-alive-Great-White-chilling-evidence-humans-blame-Have-turned-sharks-maneaters.html

A sweet place to get a treat has 860 flavors of Ice Cream! (16th)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/8460094.stm

Pat Robertson gets a letter from the devil about Haiti… (I’ll write more about THAT later) (15th)
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/01/the_devil_writes_pat_robertson.html?sc=fb&cc=fp

Woman Breastfeeds her DOG (14th)
http://www.pickmeupmagazine.co.uk/real_lives/I_breastfeed_my_dog_article_293284.html

After another Pat Robertson fuck up the White House says shut the fuck up. (well I wish) (13th)
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_haiti_pat_robertson

Donald Goerke the creator of SpaghettiOs dies at age 83 (12th)
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory?id=9553277

A sick man rapes his even sicker wife. Guess who was the real sickly one? (11th)
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stcharles/story/96370CB0C1F1E398862576AA0014CF5D?OpenDocument

All for now, I’m starting to get depressed with the news… More later!!