There are so many things I've been wanting to say and I keep holding it in, because I'm so afraid to piss people off. I know, right? Sarai, afraid to piss someone off? You'd never know it from this blog, would you?
There is so much I hold back, however. Things I type and read over, before I delete it all. I've been doing this my whole life, censoring myself. Censoring myself because of fear, because of my longing to be accepted for who I am. But I'm not giving myself, I'm giving a version of me. A version that I don't like very much.
I don't like this coward, the one who demurely let's people run over her.
I don't like this girl that I feel I've become. I'm a lot more confrontational than I used to be, but even now I back off from a fight.
I am a Libra. I am supposed to bring balance. I am supposed to be able to see the two sides of every story. And I do see both sides. But I can't make others see what it is I am seeing. No matter what I may do. I feel unbalanced, like a scale tipping too far over.
I am a Dragon by birth. I shouldn't be afraid of anything. I should be self-confident and arrogant. This dragon has been beaten to the point of submission and I've been tamed, shamed, into being this person that I am.
It makes my stomach hurt, just thinking about it. It makes me want to throw up when I think of causing a confrontation. But it also makes me sick to censor myself any longer.
I can't even be myself in my own home. Not because of Donnie, he would let me say and do what I want really.
Haven't I hidden myself long enough?
I live in so much fear. The fear that I'll say too much, or not enough. That I am failing everyone around me. Feelings I can't explain or name. This bitterness that wells up and threatens to choke me sometimes.
And that bitterness is what I try to keep to myself outside of this blog. Outside of my bedroom, I am attempting to be happy and go-lucky. Holly Go-lightly in the Modern Age.
I am bitter.
I am imperfect.
I am what I am!
In this spirit, I suppose I should get on with the topics I was going to discuss. Including, but not limited to the following article...
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/he-got-what-he-deserved-texas-dad-beats-his-daughters-molester-to-death/
You don't even have to read the article to know what it's about, really. Since the link states the article's subject. However, I went ahead and read it. Especially since someone on my Facebook posted it. She seemed to believe that this was a perfectly okay thing to do, as did most of her friends. I disagree.
Firstly, when you read the article, you see that the father left his four-year-old daughter alone. In a horse barn. Completely unaware that anything could be happening until he heard her screaming.
Re-read that paragraph. Go ahead, I'll wait.
Who, in their right mind, leaves their four-year-old child ALONE in a public place? That is not to say that the father deserved to see his daughter being assaulted. No one deserves to be assaulted and no one should have to walk in on that. However, what the fuck was he THINKING?! Or not thinking as the case apparently is.
Also, I hate that everyone is hailing him as a hero. He isn't a hero. He is a murderer. Did the man deserve to die for trying to rape a four-year-old child? Yes. But that is up to the courts to decide, not a man who took justice into his own hands. I can understand that he was probably blinded by his rage, anyone sensible person should be. That still doesn't give him the right to murder. We have laws in this country for a reason.
He is going to go to jail. He murdered someone. He is going to go to jail. If he is lucky, it won't be a long sentence. If he is unlucky, he'll be put to death. First degree murder is punishable with death in Texas. Anyone who is even VAGUELY familiar with Texas knows how giddy they are when they have the opportunity to put someone to death, guilty or innocent.
The other thing that I am really upset about is all this crap about Socialism.
Newsflash:
Social Security is a product of Socialism, but we are so set on NOT losing that.
Public Schools are a product of Socialism. Heaven forbid we had to pay for private school or *gasp* homeschool!
Personally speaking, I firmly believe in this:
"The Socialist Party U.S.A. That party believes in what is called “Democratic Socialism," defined as 'a political and economic system with freedom and equality for all, so that people may develop to their fullest potential in harmony with others.' The party further states that it is 'committed to full freedom of speech, assembly, press, and religion, and to a multi-party system' and that the ownership and control of the production and distribution of goods 'should be democratically controlled public agencies, cooperatives, or other collective groups'.(http://www.u-s-history.com/pages/h1669.html)"
I don't see anything wrong with National Healthcare. It is the same as Social Security. We'd get a little more taken out of our paychecks each week to go towards healthcare. Big fucking deal! Other countries have been doing this for YEARS. This horrific practice of "socialist medicine" has worked brilliantly for several other countries. So much so that many Americans immigrate to those countries so they can afford to stay healthy. Namely, Canada.
I don't understand this belief that Obamacare is wrong because it is socialist. Many people who couldn't afford healthcare can have it now! I think that's a good thing, being one of several MILLION people who can't afford medicine that we need desperately.
I don't understand all this hatred for Obama either.
He has helped produce new jobs, he has tried to help straighten out this whole "men are still paid more than a woman in the same position," he has come out for Homosexual marriage, etc. He has done SO MANY GOOD THINGS, I don't understand how people can bitch about him so.
But maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm wrong. I always am, apparently.
Oh well, enough ranting. I'm going to go read a nice book and maybe go for a drink. I have errands to run anyway.
There is so much I hold back, however. Things I type and read over, before I delete it all. I've been doing this my whole life, censoring myself. Censoring myself because of fear, because of my longing to be accepted for who I am. But I'm not giving myself, I'm giving a version of me. A version that I don't like very much.
I don't like this coward, the one who demurely let's people run over her.
I don't like this girl that I feel I've become. I'm a lot more confrontational than I used to be, but even now I back off from a fight.
I am a Libra. I am supposed to bring balance. I am supposed to be able to see the two sides of every story. And I do see both sides. But I can't make others see what it is I am seeing. No matter what I may do. I feel unbalanced, like a scale tipping too far over.
I am a Dragon by birth. I shouldn't be afraid of anything. I should be self-confident and arrogant. This dragon has been beaten to the point of submission and I've been tamed, shamed, into being this person that I am.
It makes my stomach hurt, just thinking about it. It makes me want to throw up when I think of causing a confrontation. But it also makes me sick to censor myself any longer.
I can't even be myself in my own home. Not because of Donnie, he would let me say and do what I want really.
Haven't I hidden myself long enough?
I live in so much fear. The fear that I'll say too much, or not enough. That I am failing everyone around me. Feelings I can't explain or name. This bitterness that wells up and threatens to choke me sometimes.
And that bitterness is what I try to keep to myself outside of this blog. Outside of my bedroom, I am attempting to be happy and go-lucky. Holly Go-lightly in the Modern Age.
I am bitter.
I am imperfect.
I am what I am!
In this spirit, I suppose I should get on with the topics I was going to discuss. Including, but not limited to the following article...
You don't even have to read the article to know what it's about, really. Since the link states the article's subject. However, I went ahead and read it. Especially since someone on my Facebook posted it. She seemed to believe that this was a perfectly okay thing to do, as did most of her friends. I disagree.
Firstly, when you read the article, you see that the father left his four-year-old daughter alone. In a horse barn. Completely unaware that anything could be happening until he heard her screaming.
Re-read that paragraph. Go ahead, I'll wait.
Who, in their right mind, leaves their four-year-old child ALONE in a public place? That is not to say that the father deserved to see his daughter being assaulted. No one deserves to be assaulted and no one should have to walk in on that. However, what the fuck was he THINKING?! Or not thinking as the case apparently is.
Also, I hate that everyone is hailing him as a hero. He isn't a hero. He is a murderer. Did the man deserve to die for trying to rape a four-year-old child? Yes. But that is up to the courts to decide, not a man who took justice into his own hands. I can understand that he was probably blinded by his rage, anyone sensible person should be. That still doesn't give him the right to murder. We have laws in this country for a reason.
He is going to go to jail. He murdered someone. He is going to go to jail. If he is lucky, it won't be a long sentence. If he is unlucky, he'll be put to death. First degree murder is punishable with death in Texas. Anyone who is even VAGUELY familiar with Texas knows how giddy they are when they have the opportunity to put someone to death, guilty or innocent.
The other thing that I am really upset about is all this crap about Socialism.
Newsflash:
Social Security is a product of Socialism, but we are so set on NOT losing that.
Public Schools are a product of Socialism. Heaven forbid we had to pay for private school or *gasp* homeschool!
Personally speaking, I firmly believe in this:
"The Socialist Party U.S.A. That party believes in what is called “Democratic Socialism," defined as 'a political and economic system with freedom and equality for all, so that people may develop to their fullest potential in harmony with others.' The party further states that it is 'committed to full freedom of speech, assembly, press, and religion, and to a multi-party system' and that the ownership and control of the production and distribution of goods 'should be democratically controlled public agencies, cooperatives, or other collective groups'.(http://www.u-s-history.com/pages/h1669.html)"
I don't see anything wrong with National Healthcare. It is the same as Social Security. We'd get a little more taken out of our paychecks each week to go towards healthcare. Big fucking deal! Other countries have been doing this for YEARS. This horrific practice of "socialist medicine" has worked brilliantly for several other countries. So much so that many Americans immigrate to those countries so they can afford to stay healthy. Namely, Canada.
I don't understand this belief that Obamacare is wrong because it is socialist. Many people who couldn't afford healthcare can have it now! I think that's a good thing, being one of several MILLION people who can't afford medicine that we need desperately.
I don't understand all this hatred for Obama either.
He has helped produce new jobs, he has tried to help straighten out this whole "men are still paid more than a woman in the same position," he has come out for Homosexual marriage, etc. He has done SO MANY GOOD THINGS, I don't understand how people can bitch about him so.
But maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm wrong. I always am, apparently.
Oh well, enough ranting. I'm going to go read a nice book and maybe go for a drink. I have errands to run anyway.
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