10 reasons I asked if there was another way out of Barnes & Noble

Today, while I was at Barnes and Noble with my friend Kid, I met an author. His name is "Cousin Vinny." At least, that's what he chooses to go by. He was trying very hard to get me to buy his $27 book (paperback, mind you).

He apparently used to be a Soap Opera star, now turned Christian ("I have some spirituality in me") author. He spent 20 minutes raving about how wonderful his book ("The Devil's Glove") was (read: He was raving about how wonderful HE was). He told me that this book would "change your life" and is the best book for "preventing suicide."

He bragged about how he had "NEVER had a bad review" and then proceeded to hand me all of his reviews (in small time Christian newspapers and local papers), they were laminated mind you. Not only were they laminated, but he had apparently memorized each one. He handed me a review and proceeded to recite the whole article, verbatim.

He told me that there was literally no other book with that plot anywhere (spoiler: Its about baseball and Satan). When I mentioned that it was somewhat similar to "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis, he swiftly denied it. "Those are two demons fighting over a human. This is ANGELS and demons fighting over a human. God and Satan battling for his soul." (I'm paraphrasing only a little there, this is how the guy talked)

He told me that the writing was the best I'd ever seen and that this would be my favorite book, ever. I sampled the writing while I was standing there... Let's just say it was nothing to write home about. He wrote like he spoke. Not very well.

I am saddened to say that a Pastor reviewed it as being a blend of "Paradise Lost, the Bible and Field of Dreams." Which is very disheartening for Milton and the Bible. To be compared to this is, well, its not a nice compliment in my opinion.

He emphasized that he was a "messenger" (the God part was implied) and when I asked why he didn't go by his real name (Louis Anthony Agnello Jr) he said it was his publisher's idea. It would be easier to "remember."

I told him that "Cousin Vinny" reminded me of Joe Pesci.
He said "Exactly!"
I said "I don't like Joe Pesci."
Taken aback, he said "You don't?"
I said "No. Joe Pesci does not endear me to your book."
To which he laughed, half-quoting me in disbelief.

Also, this guy has no concept of the term "personal space." (His breath isn't so great either) He kept touching me, as if I were an old friend, not a complete STRANGER. I'm not public property, get your paws off.

After I escaped him (it took about 20 minutes, mind you) I literally asked an employee if there was another way out of the store besides the front door because I didn't want to walk past him again. The employee was seriously taken aback and informed me that there was not. But also said that if I warn the front desk that I'm going make a run for it they won't think I'm stealing.

So now, I have a mission. Somewhat. I'm going to read this book, if only to write a terrible review of it. It seems only fitting that I do so, seeing as how I've reviewed the author. You're welcome, "Cousin Vinny," for the "first" bad review you've received.

The following is an open letter to "Cousin Vinny" recounting the experience.

Dear Louis Anthony "Cousin Vinny" Agnello (or "10 reasons I asked if there was another way out of Barnes & Noble"),

1. I am not public property able to be touched because I'm in your space. Just because we are inhabiting the same area does not make me less than human or give you the right to just touch when you feel like it. Did I give you permission?

2. Bragging about your Stripping days in the same breath as you're bragging about how wonderful your book is does not make me want to read it. Especially when you keep saying you are a "messenger" (the "from God" being implied by your "I have some spirituality in me" comments).

3. You don't even KNOW ME, so how can you "guarantee" that YOUR book is going to be my "favorite book?"

4. You're trying really hard to get me to buy your book, but I feel like you're really just trying to explain to me why your penis is the biggest the world has ever seen. And I'm sorry, but I'm just not buying it.

5. Memorizing your laminated accolades doesn't make you seem cool, it makes you seem pathetic.

6. I am half tempted to read your book simply to give it a bad review. Seriously, you tell me how the writing is "the best" and that your story is "the most original" (fun fact: You're not original) and that the copies you are trying to hock are going to be "collector's items" because you are leaving that particular publisher, but I read a sample while I listened to you ramble and your writing style is similar to a 13 year old's. Seriously, I've seen better writing styles in Children's books. You write like you talk. Not very well.

7. You're visiting small towns in the Bible belt, of course this book is going to "sell like hot cakes."

8. Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot. You play like you're the "Devil" just for a scenario, but you're in my face telling me I'm worthless. The difference, as I told you, is that I KNOW I'm NOT worthless. My worth is more than reading your book though. Seriously, how could you possibly think that would make me want to read it? Pretending that you are the Devil and that this book is going to save me from Suicide and save my soul... Dude, you don't even know my Soul!

9. "The Devil's Glove" is a terrible name. It sounds worse than cliched. And trust me, I've read some pretty cliched books. (Usually in the genre you are in)

10. "Are you big readers?" Nope. I walked into Barnes & Noble because I like the scenery. Never read a book in my life.

I could go on and on, really. This was the worst meeting with an author I've ever had. And I didn't want to meet you in the first place! Thanks for telling me all about your schedule though, because I now know to avoid B&N until Friday when you leave for St. Louis.

Sincerely,
Sarai.

Post Script: Don't laugh at me because I said "Joe Pesci does not endear me to your book." I was being quite serious. Going by his character name really doesn't make you more likable.

Abnormal.

Normally this would be the time of year that I rant about the rampant commercialism and hypocrisy surrounding one of the biggest holidays of the year. I do that often. Rant, that is. I rant about a lot of things. A lot of the time. I can rant until I'm blue in the face, but it changes nothing. Not a single thing. I'm not even sure it changes any opinions.

I just keep talking, hoping that someone will come to their senses, but I'm not sure they do.
Its a side effect of being a Libra, if you believe in that kind of thing. I want everything to be balanced. I want intelligence to be prevalent and acceptance to be commonplace. I want everyone to be happy. That never happens.

I think I'm done with that. I can't change the world as a whole. I am just one voice. Just one verbose, opinionated, ranting, voice. I raise it, but am I really heard?

I'll keep ranting, keep talking, if only to hear myself I guess. I just am not going to pin my hopes to changing anything. I'm going to pin my hopes that I will change one mind and they will raise a voice to join mine. And maybe that will happen and maybe it won't.

I feel abnormal right now. But I'm tired and don't feel like fighting.

The Morals of Incest.

If two consenting adults engage in sexual activity should said sexual activity be, in any way, be regulated or controlled by the government?

If said consenting adults were brother and sister (brother and brother or sister and sister), should their relationship be regulated by the government?

That is the question that came into my head after I stumbled upon a video featured on the Huffington Post website about a German couple, brother and sister, who fell in love and have four children together. The brother is currently appealing his jail sentence for incest and his lawyer kept saying how he couldn't believe that in this day and age we were still having to fight over two consenting adults being allowed to engage in a sexual relationship.

This brought up so many other questions for me as well... Questions regarding sexual freedom, the meaning of consent, the choices we make, etc.

I read an article once, whether it was based on fact or fiction I don't know, about fraternal twin brothers who had fallen in love with each other. They had been trying to date other men and had been trying to stay away from each other because they believed what they were doing was wrong. But they couldn't stop being in love with each other. So they asked the question "What should we do?"

Is there morality in something like incest? Why do we even believe it is wrong? It can't be from the Bible, because many famous couples, including Abram and Sarai, were brother and sister. Incest was actually something to keep bloodlines "pure."

But then you have to ask yourself, where do we draw the lines for these things? Sexuality isn't finite. It is infinite in scope, desires, etc. Is it wrong for the government to control a couple who is in love, of age and consenting?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/12/patrick-stuebing-susan-karolewski-incest-germany_n_1420107.html

Aussie Pride

Also Jesus didn't say that... It was quoted from the Old Testament (Genesis 2:24; written by Moses) in the New Testament (Ephesians 5:31; written by Paul). Jesus, quite literally, said nothing against Homosexuality. If you are a pastor, mayhaps you should actually know what you are quoting?

A Dozen Reasons

A friend of mine on Facebook posted the following image:



This was my response.
1. Dogs aren't sentient beings who can sign a marriage certificate and the fact that we relate homosexual people to animals is wrong in every sense of the word. (And if we are going biblically, I can think of several people I know who have sexual intercourse outside of marriage, which is also a sin. And lots of politicians like to have affairs, which is also a sin. And eating pig meat/touching pigs is a sin. The list of sins goes on and on. Someone loving someone else shouldn't be up for some politician to decide on.)

2. Oil companies make millions of dollars a year off of gasoline and they pay less taxes on it than you and I do.

3. The government shouldn't be spending our money on prisons, guns and what not when they could be spending it on feeding our children, fixing our roads and providing proper healthcare and education for the future voters.

4. You DO have freedom of speech. There are consequences for EVERY action. You can say what you like, doesn't mean that you should.

5. Its not about whether or not YOU are responsible enough to own a gun; its about making it safe for everyone and still maintaining the Second Amendment, which says nothing about being able to own whatever gun you want. For example: You live near a seemingly nice individual. He has been proven to be mentally unstable and has been in and out of the hospital for increasingly terrifying paranoid episodes where he believes everyone is trying to attack him. There is no background check for his mental history. He is able to purchase a gun and then he loses it and shoots a bunch of people up. Including children. I'm sorry, I just don't feel like someone who has been proven to be mentally unhinged should be allowed to have a weapon of any kind.

6. Global Warming is brought to you by Scientists and not Weathermen, so this argument is both invalid and silly. I don't know about driving a Prius, but you don't have to be any political party to care about whether or not your planet is being taken care of.

7. I do care about babies dying. I care about the millions of little children that are starving in the United States alone. I care about a young woman who has been raped and is being forced to carry the child of said rapist simply because someone's beliefs are different. I don't hold to Abortions. I don't like them. But I believe they should be safe and legal if someone should have to have one. And no one should judge what someone else is going through unless they've been through it themselves.

8. I think everyone should be able to have free health care. Health is part of the pursuit of life, happiness and liberty. And we were all illegal immigrants way back when we got here. That is not to say that I approve of disregarding immigration laws, because I don't. But if someone comes here illegally and tries to make up for it by becoming a legitimate citizen they deserve the same treatment as a legitimate citizen.

9. Businesses should be able to profit without beggaring the people that work for them. Wal-Mart makes millions of dollars a year while the majority of their employees have to be put on Government programs to take care of themselves. $7.25/hour is not enough to survive on in this day and age. Minimum wage in other countries that can compete with ours on economic levels are upwards of $16/hour.

10. No one is trying to re-write the constitution. However, no one seems to try to actually follow it either. Freedom of Speech, freedom of Religion, etc.

11. Actually the majority of our oil comes from here. Followed closely by Canada and Latin America. Only 12% of our oil comes from the Persian Gulf, while almost 40% comes from here.

12. I used to be a Republican. I started doing research and listening to other people's points of view. I started reading books and trying to understand where other people stood on different topics. I came away with the belief that I may never change the world, but I could change how I viewed it. Instead of being told what to believe I decided what I wanted to believe. And that's part of the reason I vote Democrat. I still vote from some Republicans, but I pay very close attention to where they stand on certain issues and I do my research, ALWAYS. I don't want to be led when I can lead.

Note to the Hypocritical.

I find it fascinating. Truly, I really do. Its amusing.

I always thought that the Bible said to:
* "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39)
* "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority." (Hebrews 13:17)
* "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3)
* "Love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you," (Matthew 5:20)

I find it interesting how few people actually follow those verses, while preaching them all the time. Its so convenient to preach, but so inconvenient to follow. If you are going to go so far as to call yourself something, perhaps you should actually read and follow what you claim to believe?

A Feminist.

Alternate title: How becoming a feminist completely turned my world upside down.

Despite all the religious stifling/brainwashing when I was growing up, I still managed to hang on to my core belief that women should be treated as equals.

In spite of all the abuse and the attempted crushing of my spirit, I have come out on top.

And I have come out a feminist.

However, something that a lot of people don't seem to realize is that, being a feminist doesn't make me a man hater. It doesn't make me a Lesbian. It doesn't change anything about me. I'm still Sarai. I've always been this way, it was just buried.

Being a feminist is about equality. Not just women's rights, but rights as a whole. Everyone's rights. The right to choose, the right to love, the right to be who YOU are. That's something a lot of women have forgotten.

We're not fighting so that our daughters will be free, though that is part of it. We are fighting to show our sons that they don't have to be threatened by a strong woman and that being strong isn't always about who is dominate.

We crush our men. We crush their emotions into a powder, because crying is too 'feminine.' We mutilate their bodies, without their permission, and then tell them to suck it up, get over it. We tell them it isn't possible for them to be raped because they aren't a woman. It isn't possible for them to be abused by a woman because that somehow degrades them. Its wrong for a man to be smart, to be intelligent, etc. Its wrong for him to express anything other than sexual desire or anger. And even anger is supposed to be suppressed.

We've created this image of a man that has to be brave, powerful, idealistically masculine. What is masculinity?

The dictionary defines masculinity as 'The quality or condition of being masculine. Something traditionally considered to be characteristic of a male.' And we, as a collective societal whole, have turned this into being tough, not crying, not saying 'I love you.' We've turned it into suppression. We've turned it into something so twisted.

But we, as women, want a man who can open up, one who can express himself. Then we turn around and tell him to "man up," "be a man," "grow a pair," etc. We are just as guilty of tearing the male gender down as the rest of the Patriarchy.

We, as women, destroy our sons, our brothers, our husbands, etc. We claim to want them to be able to "open up" and be vulnerable, but we take that vulnerability and turn it against them. I've watched my girlfriends do this to their husbands. I've listened to them brag about the verbal guttings.

There is no equality if we are still denying it to someone else.

Take a moment to read this article and watch the video. I, personally, can't wait for this movie to come out. I want to start working on building up not just my own gender, but the Male gender. I want to help our Men get back to being themselves, not the idealistic "male" we have tried to shoehorn them into being.

http://www.policymic.com/articles/54105/the-one-thing-all-men-feel-but-never-admit

A HUMAN Right.

I understand that a lot of people believe that marriage should be just between a man and a woman. Okay, fine. You believe that. But how can you deny another human being the ability to be with the person they love just because they are gay? That is NOT right.

We used to believe that people who weren't the same color couldn't get married. Because it was a "sin" because it was "unnatural." The problem is we are ALL the HUMAN RACE. We are ALL HUMAN BEINGS. We ALL deserve the same rights.

A lot of people say this country was founded on God (it is pointless to argue on that, you won't believe me anyway), but we were ALSO founded on FREEDOM. We came here to have the right to religion, free speech, etc. We came here to find our own God(s) and our own ways of life. And NO ONE has the right to take that away from you. NO ONE.

Perhaps we should remember that the next time we ask a soldier to die for a country that won't let them marry the person they love.

The Cut

Recently I was linked to an article, posted on the website "Barrel of Oranges," about Rape. The title intrigued me, as I'm sure it would just about anyone (good on you, Barrel of Oranges!), because of the simplicity of it.

"Teaching my 2 year old how not to rape" is what it said. I was intrigued because of the idea behind it. The idea that we have to teach our children not to harm others. The idea that if we don't teach them not to harm, someone else will to teach them how to harm. The idea kind of blindsided me and I realized I had to read the article.

If you are interested in reading it for yourself here is the link:
http://barreloforanges.com/2013/03/24/teaching-my-2-year-old-how-not-to-rape/

Surprisingly, however, it wasn't her views on rape that astounded me. It was what I read about circumcision. She doesn't hide her opinion on the matter. Its right there in the first paragraph. It jolted me a bit, because I've never really thought about circumcision. At least, not as in depth as I did after reading a couple of her other posts on the topic.

I grew up in church. The majority of the people that know me (or have read a few of my rants) know this. I was taught that circumcision (of male genitalia) is required by God. I don't know why, actually. I never really understood why it mattered whether or not the foreskin was cut off of a man's junk. In fact, for the longest time I had NO idea what a foreskin even was. I had never seen an uncircumcised penis, actually. Not that I had seen very many penises at that time anyway.

But the Bible is FULL of verses on Circumcision and how men are to be circumcised. Even Abraham got circumcised at the ripe old age of ninety-nine (Genesis 17:24). What I do know is that God believed it was a valid part of a covenant between himself and Abraham (its been a while since I picked up my Bible). He even says so in Genesis. If you want specifics, chapter 17:10-11.

I've also always believed that circumcision was healthier for a man than remaining uncircumcised. Something that I discovered, upon researching, isn't entirely true. I thought that a man received more sexual pleasure if he was circumcised versus uncircumcised. However, circumcision comes down to aesthetics more than health and sexual pleasure. And, often times, it can be botched.

Now, if you had asked me about female circumcision I would've told you that it was genital mutilation. There is no aesthetic or enhanced sexual pleasure to female circumcision. It is purely to mutilate to the point that a woman no longer feels enjoyment or pleasure from sex, keeping her faithful to her husband. It is also so that a man remains "undisturbed" by the natural shape of a female sex, or her being "over-sexed." I remember being horrified as a kid reading an article on the topic by Waris Dirie, a Somalian actress and model, who had been "circumcised" at the tender age of five.

But the post by Barrel of Oranges made me think. It made me consider a few things.

Recently my god-daughter, who is 3, got a hold of a pair of scissors and cut off a decent portion of her hair (think Sinead O'Connor). Obviously, her mom was freaking out. This beautiful child, however, was not upset and told her mother that it was "perfect." I didn't "fight" with her mother, but I did tell her that if the child wants to cut off all her hair that is her right. It is HER body, not her mother's. She should be able to express herself however she wants. If she thinks she is beautiful, I want her to believe that. I want her to grow up believing that no matter what she is beautiful because she LOVES how she looks and fuck anyone who doesn't think so.

The belief that it is her body and that her mother shouldn't interfere is something I had never considered when it comes to circumcision.

The absence of a "no," doesn't automatically mean "yes."

Why would I cut off healthy, living, tissue from my son's penis just because I think circumcised is more attractive? He has no way of agreeing to this and I am doing irreparable damage to his body. Circumcision is permanent. I can't go back later and let him undo it. There is NO going back from that. And I would want my child to decide what they want. Not what I want.

My husband is circumcised. And yes, I prefer the look compared to uncircumcised. After reading up on it, doing some research and thinking very carefully about body rights, I have decided that if I ever had a son, I would never circumcise him. I would let him decide when he was old enough to understand what he was doing.

I had the audacity to ask an adult male (that I had a crush on) if he was "cut" or "uncut." I remember his being appalled at the idea of being "uncut." As if that was a disgusting thing. Why is a piece of flesh disgusting?

We can argue aesthetics all day long. I don't find penises particularly attractive to begin with, so it would be easy for me to say I prefer my husband's. It would be easy to say that the only other penis I have ever found attractive was Yul Brynner's and he was uncircumcised. Either can be beautiful. Either can be perfect. It is a matter of opinion.

What isn't up for debate, at least where I am concerned, is the ethics of it. Is it ethical to remove healthy tissue from a healthy penis without the consent of the patient? No matter how young? Is it ethical to alter someone else's body without their permission, just because they won't "remember" or because we find it more "aesthetically pleasing?" I don't think it is.

Let my child remain uncut. Let them decide when they are old enough to understand it. Let them decide what to do with their body. They only receive one in this lifetime and who am I to tell them what to do with it?

My question for my male friends/readers is this:
* What are your thoughts?
* Are you circumcised? Uncircumcised?
* If you are circumcised, do you wish you hadn't been? Are you comfortable as you are?
* If you are uncircumcised, do you wish you had been? Do you prefer being "uncut?"

A Fool, A Day

I should know better than to argue with fools. Especially on the day of Fools. Does this day give them super powers or just make them EXTRA stupid? Just curious.

If being Liberal is wrong, then I willingly embrace it. Last I checked believing in the Freedom of the Individual didn't make me a Satanist or a Liberal Pig. It made me a human being!

Why do we put labels on ourselves? Why do we feel the need to do that? It makes no sense to me. We are all HUMAN. What labels are needed? What does it matter what I believe and what I don't?

I'm not sorry that I believe in Equal Rights and I don't understand how that makes me wicked.

I'm not sorry that I believe EVERYONE should have the right to Health Care, Education, Marriage, Religion, etc. And I don't understand how that can be so wrong. I don't think I'll ever understand. I don't think I WANT to understand. I want to continue believing in what I believe is right.

I see nothing wrong with being who you are in the supposed "Land of the Free." You know, the one that says I have the right to LIFE, LIBERTY and the Pursuit of HAPPINESS?

Never Ceasing.

Human stupidity and arrogance never ceases to amaze (and annoy) me.

We are all human. Therefore, when we say "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal..." shouldn't that mean EVERYONE? Since, "all men" is the equivalent of "mankind" which means EVERYONE.

Am I the only one who thinks that makes sense? Am I the only one who thinks about how we escaped from England because there was no separation of church and state? How often Religion blinds us, because we never follow it the way it is supposed to be followed?

I'm sorry, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe when Jesus said to "love thy neighbor as thyself" he was talking about killing people for being different and denying them the right to marry and denying them food and healthcare. I'm sorry, I missed that part of that verse.

I must've misinterpreted the portions where Jesus spoke of feeding the hungry and clothing the naked. And treating "the least of these." I thought Jesus fed people, with no payment. I thought Jesus healed people, without payment.

I thought God was supposed to be loving. Did I miss something? Are we living in an Old Testament scenario? God in the Old Testament; Jealous, cruel, homophobic, racist (Racism is funny coming from God, because God is the one who created us...), etc. Do we really want to worship someone who orders small children and women to be enslaved or murdered?

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be offensive, but it irritates me.

And I keep hearing Simon and Garfunkel in my head singing about Freedom Riders, and thinking about Civil Rights and how we just keep killing because we don't know how to love and we don't know how to accept.

I keep hearing my marriage vows and wondering why some are denied the right while others abuse it.

A Choice

I've stopped wearing the hijab. I won't attempt to "try out" any other religions. At least not in the near future. It isn't so much the giving up, as it is the emotional upheaval that bothers me.

I want so desperately to believe in something, but I don't. And wanting to believe in something and actually believing in something aren't the same thing. In the end it felt like a lie. A desperate attempt on my part to be something more than I am. Maybe I was never meant to be a religious person. Maybe I was never meant to defend or protect or change anything. Maybe I was just meant to be me.

I was torn. Torn between my defiance in the face of adversity and my heartbreak in discovering that I couldn't put my faith in something I can't see. Not again. Even though I fiercely defended it with everything I had in me. I would still defend it. I will defend any religion (except Scientology, but that is because it is not a "real" religion), to the death if necessary. I will defend anyone who wishes to practice those religions. I have a great appreciation for them. A deep love for the thoughts and the practices and the motions. I just can't do them myself.

I may still wear the hijab in private. Just between myself and whatever god or goddess may exist out there. Maybe the all exist. Sekhmet, Jesus, Krishna, Allah, Athena, etc. Maybe they all exist and that is why the world is so insane. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

I have learned a lot, which is what I originally stepped out of my shell to do. I force myself into the open to learn, to take it all in. To force a change in myself that I feel needs to happen. And I have walked away with a thought.

I never knew prejudice before now.

Oh, I understood it. On a level that most people do. It was abhorrent and wrong. But it is different when you step over the line and see what it is like to be on the side actually living with it. Living under it.

I lost track of how many times someone asked "Where are you from?" and they didn't mean what state. I had people refuse to let me wait on them. I had people call me all sorts of names. My life was threatened at one point. It was that that made me want to continue, even when I knew I had lost the heart of it. I didn't want to give up and let them win. Let them be the reason I was giving up. I haven't given up, though. It wasn't them. It was my inability to continue lying to myself. I have accomplished part of what I set out to do. I saw what it was like.

Shams (a Muslim friend who moved to the states from Bangladesh) told me once that I couldn't understand what he went through. And I will never fully understand what he goes through, because his experiences will be different from mine, but I have had a taste.

I've rambled now. It's the migraine that keeps coming back. I just keep circling the same thoughts over and over.

The Case for the Second Amendment.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States.

My personal opinion on the Second Amendment is this:

I, as a normal person, don't need an automatic weapon. It isn't needed for hunting and I'm not planning on killing anyone. Should military have these guns, yes. Should police have these guns, yes. But they have a different job than I do.

I like guns. They are fun to shoot. They are good to have around sometimes. But I don't need an automatic one. I don't feel like anyone should have an automatic weapon. They are dangerous and completely unnecessary to everyday life. My husband and I disagree on this point. He believes we should be allowed to have whatever weapons we want.

The reason I bring this up is because today (this first day of my shiny New Year) has been spent arguing with people about my choices in Religion and my choices in Politics (hopefully this day hasn't set the tone for the rest of the year).

One of my "friends" on Facebook (he is no longer a friend, as I have deleted him) posted the following on his wall, we'll call him Gunner since he is definitely for guns of all sorts.

Gunner: Bitch needs a home invasion... cunt'll change her tune with a quickness.


Me: First of all, I really don't understand the need for a normal human being, like myself, to own semi-automatic weapons. When am I going to need that for hunting? When am I going to need to kill several hundred people at one time?
Secondly, I don't think that registering your weapons is a bad thing. Why wouldn't you want to know who has guns? I mean, if the crazy person next door has guns, wouldn't you like to know about it?
Thirdly, the fingerprinting, I agree with. I had to be fingerprinted for my job, what is wrong with someone getting fingerprinted for purchasing a weapon? However, I think fingerprinting should be enough in that situation, so I do disagree with the photography. People's appearances change, fingerprints don't. Unless you do something on purpose to change them.
Lastly, why would you say that? You've been posting verses, I've seen them. Why would you be quoting scripture and then turning around and calling someone a "b***h" and a "c**t"? Doesn't the Bible say "Judge not lest ye be judged"? And "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you"? And "Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him."?
You may disagree with what she says, but are you really being a good example by behaving in this manner? No. You are actually making an irrational and awful statement about attacking someone so that they will do things your way. Last I checked, that wasn't the American way (America is the land of the Free. Freedom to express personal views. Last I checked, that was the 1st amendment. Granted, that doesn't mean there aren't repercussions to saying what you want to, but she has the same basic rights everyone else does.) or the Godly way ("Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen").
Not trying to start a fight, just trying to show a different point of view.

MA (one of his friends): I wish I could have said it that well, Sarai. Thank you!

AB (one of his friends): My only issue with the whole thing is "like common criminals" Otherwise, there should not be any reason for anyone to have a problem with this. I own a gun and have no problem doing any of this because I am NOT a "common criminal."

Gunner: First and foremost either of you ever been hunting? No. Didnt think so. I just went yesterday. I took an automatic shotgun. ever had soemone blow your window out with a shotgun? nope. I have. I reacted with a semi auto weapon. and im alive today and a criminal is not. as for my religion, lets not go there. I post verse because it strikes m interest. I get pissed off, I speak. The bitch is trying to take my rights away. i think she needs a lesson on why we Do need automatic weapons. criminals can still get them even if I cant. MA you should damned well know how difficult that gunfight would be if you were the one without an automatic weapon. you'd be fuckin dead. i think people need to wake the fuck up and quit living in their dream world of "oh everythings ok except the war maybe if we ban guns all the bad stuff will go away and the government can take care of me" um no. the government A lies to you habitually B. doesnt care about you at all C. wants to run your life further than even the most repulsive liberal would want. I have registered weapons i have no problem with that but seriously people, dont tell me what kind of weapons i can and cant have. im not a criminal so ill listen but guess what the criminals wont. when they start kickin your door in on your family come talk to me and then tell me how you feel. If its at any doubt at all, yes you pissed me the fuck off. God Bless America.

Me: I'm sorry to have upset you, Gunner. Apparently you have changed more than I originally thought. I am sorry that you seem to be under the impression that because you have had bad things happen to you in your life that you should be allowed to force your opinions on others.
I'm also sorry that you seem to find Liberals "repulsive" as I am a liberal. I believe in equal rights for everyone, I believe in gun control because it is right, not because it will actually stop anyone. Will there always be criminals? Absolutely. Will there always be evil? Absolutely. However, I don't understand your reasoning behind this. No rights are actually being infringed upon. Nowhere in the second amendment does it say that you have the right to semi-automatic or fully automatic weapons.
The second amendment is still very important to me, no matter what. I believe that we have the right to bear arms. I believe that guns are important to the safety of anyone. My great-aunt has a rifle she keeps in her closet in case someone tries to break in. She has been fingerprinted for it and registered it with the State Police. Has she ever had to use it? No. But I'm grateful she has the right to have it.
I'm not living in a dream world. I know the government lies to me. I know everyone around me has two faces. There is the side the public sees and the side that the private world sees. I'm saddened by this, but it is a fact of life.
I'm also saddened by the fact that not that long ago you commented on something I had posted (as said by Eisenhower). He also said "A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." And that is all I'm going to say on the matter. [At this point I made the semi-painful decision to delete him from my friend's list. This is a friend I haven't seen in 10 years that I finally found after really searching. It was a disappointment to discover just how different he is now from the person I remembered.]

TB (one of his friends): ok i have read enugh bullshit gunner i have been in your life for 14 years and in all that time you have never shot a gun at a person. you can lie to these people on here and build your self up but lieing about shooting and killing them is a out and out lie

MA: You ever been to war? No, didn't think do. You were either too scared, or too stupid to join the military. Don't tell me about fire fights. Don't tell me what bombs are like. If you are going to live your life by your "messiah's" scriptures you might want to read what he said again.

So far this is all there has been to the argument. Because I commented on it before I deleted him I can still see the posts. I just can't comment any longer.

I've decided to keep this argument for posterity, as it shows a complete lack of understanding on some people's parts. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that my opinion was accepted amongst his friends, whereas I was afraid I would be attacked by them. I think the saddest part is that I thought we were on the same wavelength regarding gun control. The reason for that is the quote I posted at the very beginning of this post (which I also vaguely referred to in my reply to him, but I got distracted and forgot to finish the thought).

When I posted that quote this is the conversation we had:
Gunner: Im very very very pro gun (obviously) but he had a point to be understood. Well posted hon.

Me: I am also pro-guns, but I am also pro-regulation of said guns. The 2nd amendment even calls for a well-regulated militia, not an unregulated populace. Also, Eisenhower was a good president.
And I'm glad you think it was well posted

Gunner: Likewise, Every gun I own I gladly went through the due process of. Without one single complaint and Id gladly do it again. and yes he was.

Am I sad that I deleted him? Yes. Because I really had been looking for him this whole time. We were close until he moved and I was so excited when I found out he had moved back and I ran into him. So my heart is a little broken right now. It hurts losing friends. It hurts fighting with people on my very first day of the New Year. 

Would I delete him again? Yes. Because I'm not going to be treated negatively for having a different opinion and I'm not going to allow people to bring hatred into my life. I'm determined to be positive now. Its time for this Shiny New Year to really SHINE.

Let the Christmas Rants begin

I am so sick of people who try to force "Merry Christmas" down my throat.

I don't celebrate "Christmas," never really have. I have always believed that "Christmas" was a pagan holiday (partially because I do my research) dressed up as a "Christian" holy day to convert more pagans to Christianity during the early days of our history.

Newsflash, Jesus wasn't born on Christmas. In fact, we'll never know exactly when Jesus was born. Since Israel has roughly the same climate as the state of Indiana (in the USA), I'm going to say it definitely was NOT December, as no shepherd in his right mind is going to be out in the middle of winter with sheep that could freeze to death (or starve as there would be nothing for them to graze on) thus depriving him of his flock.

It offends me when people try to force me to say something I don't believe in. I'm not going to tell you Merry Christmas if I don't believe in it or feel like it. Please respect that wish. Also, think about what you are doing when you try to force your beliefs down other people's throats. Are you really being Christ-like?

I am all for people being Christians or Muslims or Jews or Hindus or Buddhists. But we need to learn that there is a difference between being an example and being a jerk. You can be a good *insert religious preference here* and not badger people about converting.

*End Rant*

The Guy next door

I found out yesterday that someone that I almost dated (ick, I hate saying that in retrospect), someone I went to church with, someone who stalked me, someone who used to be a friend, was arrested for possession of Child Pornography. Yes, a Christian man that I used to go to church with was arrested yesterday for viewing and downloading child porn to his flashdrive at the Public Library.

I can't even begin to explain how I feel right now. I feel disgusted and dumbfounded. I'm seriously gobsmacked (as Pomme would say) right now. I knew he was creepy and strange. I knew he had issues, which is why we didn't end up dating, but Child Porn?!

I am naive. I know this. However, it is things like being called a "damn towel-head" and finding out someone I used to consider a friend has been arrested for possession of something so heinous that causes me to shake my head in disbelief. I can't even imagine what would make someone do that! Especially at a PUBLIC LIBRARY!

Most disturbing part about this?

"D. told police that because he does not have Internet access at his home, he has been resorting to the library computers to manage the child porn collection and transfer the content to a flash drive so he may view it on his personal computer."

This wasn't a one time incident. He had a COLLECTION on his home computer! I'm so disgusted and disturbed by this that I can't even form cognitive sentences on the subject.

I went to school with this guy. I had a terrible crush on him when we were in High School. That is until he converted to Christianity. He was much more attractive when he was a Goth kid who said he would bite my tongue and make me like it. Which in retrospect is even more CREEPY. I was his friend for a long time. We went to church together on several occasions. He just got creepy after his conversion however. And then I find this out.

I can't explain what I feel right now. I'm still in shock. It hasn't fully sunk in.

The Girl in the Head Scarf

Up until now I have been keeping this to myself, but a few things recently have really made me think and when I think I have to write. So here it is.

I have recently converted to Islam. Or, at the very least, attempted to. I'm not very good at it, in my personal opinion. Of course, I've always been a little too independent for religion to begin with. I don't think I was a very good Christian either. So far, in my religious experiences I seem to have made a much better Atheist. Beside the point of course.

The biggest part of my conversion is my searching for something to believe in. I may be a Muslim forever, I may revert back to Atheism. I may decide to practice Judaism. Allah alone knows the answer to that. And I truly believe He knows the answer.

Does this seem very odd? I'm sure it does. With all the times I have ranted against God it seems silly to have this "eleventh hour" conversion. I'll admit that it seems odd to me as well, considering that I truly believe God and Allah are the same being. I refuse to attempt to explain it really. I have just decided this is the path I'm going to try and I'm going with it.

This also explains why I have been posting a few different things about racism recently. Because this is something I've been experience since I started wearing the hijab. Yes, I am wearing the hijab as part of my conversion. And something strange happened when I started doing that. I felt more comfortable as myself and everyone around me became more uncomfortable.

Former co-workers have threatened to run me over with their cars, men in Mexican restaurants say not so nice things about my "turban," and, most recently, random strangers drive past me shouting at me that I am a "damn towel-head." Former co-workers have embraced this newest me (as I am constantly evolving), offered to protect me, random strangers have invited me to come and speak with them at Mosque and there has been encouragement. In truth, it has been a bit of a polarizing experience.

I knew there would be resistance. This isn't the first time I have donned the hijab. Though the first time was in high school, in solidarity with a Muslim friend who was run out of town, and as a social experiment. And part of this is a social experiment. Life is a social experiment. Beside the point of course.

I knew that I would find out who my real friends were. Though it has been a bit painful. Some of the people I thought I cared about turned out to be the enemy. But I'm still here. And I am still wearing my hijab.

I've also come to the conclusion that Christians in the US (obviously if you are Christian and reside in another country this doesn't necessarily apply) have NO clue what they are talking about when they speak of "persecution." You've never been persecuted unless you've walked in someone else's shoes. Which is what I'm doing now. It is part of the refining fire, as the Bible says.

I'm scared, but I'm elated. I like pushing the boundaries, but I am afraid to go too far. Am I a freak? I suppose time alone will tell.

Racism: A Universal Language.

It has been said that Love is a universal language. A smile can be understood in any tongue. But racism is also universal. Discrimination and hatred can be understood no matter what language you speak or where you are from. The saddest thing is that even in today's "advanced society" (I use the terms "advanced" and "society" loosely [as society is defined as an organized group of persons associated together for religious, benevolent, cultural, scientific, political, patriotic, or other purposes. And advanced is defined as ahead or far or further along in progress, complexity, knowledge, skill, etc.]) there is racial dissension and hatred, solely for being different.

Despite my naivete, I have been fully aware of the hatred that so called "society" can engender in others against someone who is different. I was always a different child. I was overweight and I read a lot of books. I have always been told that I was very intelligent, intelligence can be frightening to someone who doesn't appreciate the need for education. And of course this all stems from some form of fear. Which is saddening.

When I was a child, I didn't hate things I was scared of. I was afraid of it. Often this made me want to learn more about it. When I was afraid of vampires, I researched them and discovered all the wonderful mythology Stephanie Meyer could've found if she had bothered to research for "Twilight." But that is neither here nor there. I'm afraid of spiders, but I don't hate them. Well, I might say I hate them, but I actually don't. I am just scared of them and don't want them crawling on me. I don't want any bugs crawling on me.

I'm afraid of dying, but that doesn't mean I hate death. I try to understand it. Why do we all die? Things like that.

My point is this, racism, like love, can be understood no matter who you are. And it is LEARNED. No one is born with hate. No one is born with love either. We learn these things. We learn to hate, to love, to react. And if we are still teaching our children to hate then this universal language remains vibrant and prevalent. An unfortunate disease of an "enlightened" society.

A perfect example of this universal language is the following video. This young woman was, in fact, white. But she was French. And different from the other Aussies on the bus. It's sad that just singing in French could trigger this violent attack against her. But it isn't unheard of.

Racism.

Racism is defined as a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
It is also defined as hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.
I cannot comprehend that. I can't understand how someone can hate another person or another religion so much without understanding it or knowing the person. How can you look at someone in a hijab and automatically hate her? How can you look at the color of someone's skin and already hate him? You don't even KNOW them. You don't know who they are, you don't understand their beliefs, all you know is the outside appearances.
I don't understand how we can claim to be the 'land of the free' when we still have soldiers who can't marry the person they love because they are gay, we have people calling our president the n-word, we have people threatening to run over other people with cars because they wear the hijab and we have people afraid to practice their religious and personal beliefs. That isn't a free country.

Pro-Life and Pro-Birth don't mean the same thing

Today I was browsing my Facebook (which I do often, I admit) and came across this article as posted by my friend Kami. It's about a young woman who died because she was denied an abortion.

Take a second to read the article at the following link:

http://www.michaelnugent.com/2012/11/14/tragedy-shame-and-outrage-as-pregnant-savita-dies-in-irish-hospital-because-of-catholic-dogma-and-political-cowardice/

 Now, maybe you are like me and you are reading that article and saying to yourself "That's awful! Why would anyone let that happen?" Maybe you aren't. Maybe you believe that young woman deserved to die for trying to save her own life, knowing that there was absolutely no way to save that of her child.

 I hope you don't believe that way. I hope you don't believe that one life is so much more important than another that they should both be lost to be fair.

I think that the worst part is the fact that these men and women call themselves Doctors and their first vow is to do no harm. This woman was viciously harmed, in agony and dying because she was carrying a nonviable fetus that was in the process of miscarriage as was. It makes me sick, thinking about this poor woman.

It is baffling how backwards the priorities of the Church are. We can't save the child, so we won't save the woman because it would be "murder" of the nonviable fetus that is already in the process of miscarriage? How is that holy? How is that Godly? How is that in anyway "pro-life?" Doesn't that mean life for EVERYONE? 

Electoral

As I write this Obama is behind on the Electoral votes by 30. At least according to the map I've been watching since 6pm. (You can find it at this website: http://elections.nytimes.com/2012/results/president)

I can't help but feel like my whole future is riding on this craziness. And I keep telling myself that Obama is going to win, but I know there is the chance he won't. And it's that chance that is making me sick to my stomach so that I feel like I'm going to throw up.

I know everyone always says "Oh, I'll leave the country if so and so wins." but in reality I don't have enough money to leave the country and no desire to at this point in time, but I genuinely don't want to live in an America run by a millionaire who is proud of the fact that he bullied someone into suicide and who tied his dog to the roof of his car for a trip and who doesn't pay the same taxes I do because he is a millionaire (who hides all of his money overseas so he doesn't have to pay anyway!). This is ridiculous. I have lost all my faith in the American people if we vote in Mr. Romney.

In the meantime, I guess I'll just keep playing Dragon Age: Origins and pretending like I'm not watching the map grow redder by the moment.