Governor Pence and the Road to Discrimination

Hey guys!

Long time, no blog. I've been doing a lot of stuff recently. And by a lot of stuff I mean I've been stressing out and being absolutely lit pissed over things out of my control.

And one of those things is this whole RFRA (Religious Freedom Restoration Act) going on in Indiana.

Confession time:
I live in Indiana.

Its a terrible law. Its a terrible thing. There is no actual FREEDOM in this law. None. The writing is so ambiguous that you can pretty much claim Religious freedom to do anything. Technically the laws can't touch you.

Its already being used to defend against child abuse and spousal abuse charges in other states... Just fyi.

And no matter what Governor Dip-Shit (I mean, Pence) says, this was designed to enable Government Approved Discrimination. You know why?

He said that the LGBTQIA community being classified as a protected class of citizen wasn't even ON his priority list. Why? Because he is a bigot.

On Saturday I went (along with at least 3,000 other Hoosiers) to Indianapolis to protest and rally against the signing of this into Law. It was signed into law on Thursday last week.

This is reality, kiddos. This is happening. Its 2015 and the Civil Rights Movement has pretty much been trashed by a law signed IN PRIVATE (because he knew the outrage and then has the AUDACITY to say he didn't know this would negatively impact the state!) by a Bigot.

Welcome to Fucking Indiana.

I live here and I am wanting to #BoycottIndiana.

So, here's what I want you to do:
If you live in Indiana, please use your right to VOTE! This is how these things happen guys. People don't use their VOICES and they get drowned out.

Your vote DOES matter!
It DOES make a difference!
And if you aren't voting, shitty things like this happen. We didn't have enough people who voted (especially in my area) and this asshat got elected. Along with several other people in his party who specifically wrote this bill so that they could push their ANTI-GAY agenda on the state.

Not only that, but please only visit businesses that serve EVERYONE! This is another way to fight back. Don't purchase, endorse or help out businesses that refuse service based on "religious belief."

I am so ashamed to be living in a state that has legalized Bigotry. Seriously, this is fucking pathetic guys.

America was built on Religious FREEDOM for ALL. Not just a few. EVERYONE is supposed to be fucking free under that banner.

We are all created EQUAL.

And if you have to boost your ego/religious beliefs by being shitty and denying equality to someone else, then you are failing at religion.

If there is a God, I hope he isn't anything like the people that fucking follow him.

10 reasons I asked if there was another way out of Barnes & Noble

Today, while I was at Barnes and Noble with my friend Kid, I met an author. His name is "Cousin Vinny." At least, that's what he chooses to go by. He was trying very hard to get me to buy his $27 book (paperback, mind you).

He apparently used to be a Soap Opera star, now turned Christian ("I have some spirituality in me") author. He spent 20 minutes raving about how wonderful his book ("The Devil's Glove") was (read: He was raving about how wonderful HE was). He told me that this book would "change your life" and is the best book for "preventing suicide."

He bragged about how he had "NEVER had a bad review" and then proceeded to hand me all of his reviews (in small time Christian newspapers and local papers), they were laminated mind you. Not only were they laminated, but he had apparently memorized each one. He handed me a review and proceeded to recite the whole article, verbatim.

He told me that there was literally no other book with that plot anywhere (spoiler: Its about baseball and Satan). When I mentioned that it was somewhat similar to "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis, he swiftly denied it. "Those are two demons fighting over a human. This is ANGELS and demons fighting over a human. God and Satan battling for his soul." (I'm paraphrasing only a little there, this is how the guy talked)

He told me that the writing was the best I'd ever seen and that this would be my favorite book, ever. I sampled the writing while I was standing there... Let's just say it was nothing to write home about. He wrote like he spoke. Not very well.

I am saddened to say that a Pastor reviewed it as being a blend of "Paradise Lost, the Bible and Field of Dreams." Which is very disheartening for Milton and the Bible. To be compared to this is, well, its not a nice compliment in my opinion.

He emphasized that he was a "messenger" (the God part was implied) and when I asked why he didn't go by his real name (Louis Anthony Agnello Jr) he said it was his publisher's idea. It would be easier to "remember."

I told him that "Cousin Vinny" reminded me of Joe Pesci.
He said "Exactly!"
I said "I don't like Joe Pesci."
Taken aback, he said "You don't?"
I said "No. Joe Pesci does not endear me to your book."
To which he laughed, half-quoting me in disbelief.

Also, this guy has no concept of the term "personal space." (His breath isn't so great either) He kept touching me, as if I were an old friend, not a complete STRANGER. I'm not public property, get your paws off.

After I escaped him (it took about 20 minutes, mind you) I literally asked an employee if there was another way out of the store besides the front door because I didn't want to walk past him again. The employee was seriously taken aback and informed me that there was not. But also said that if I warn the front desk that I'm going make a run for it they won't think I'm stealing.

So now, I have a mission. Somewhat. I'm going to read this book, if only to write a terrible review of it. It seems only fitting that I do so, seeing as how I've reviewed the author. You're welcome, "Cousin Vinny," for the "first" bad review you've received.

The following is an open letter to "Cousin Vinny" recounting the experience.

Dear Louis Anthony "Cousin Vinny" Agnello (or "10 reasons I asked if there was another way out of Barnes & Noble"),

1. I am not public property able to be touched because I'm in your space. Just because we are inhabiting the same area does not make me less than human or give you the right to just touch when you feel like it. Did I give you permission?

2. Bragging about your Stripping days in the same breath as you're bragging about how wonderful your book is does not make me want to read it. Especially when you keep saying you are a "messenger" (the "from God" being implied by your "I have some spirituality in me" comments).

3. You don't even KNOW ME, so how can you "guarantee" that YOUR book is going to be my "favorite book?"

4. You're trying really hard to get me to buy your book, but I feel like you're really just trying to explain to me why your penis is the biggest the world has ever seen. And I'm sorry, but I'm just not buying it.

5. Memorizing your laminated accolades doesn't make you seem cool, it makes you seem pathetic.

6. I am half tempted to read your book simply to give it a bad review. Seriously, you tell me how the writing is "the best" and that your story is "the most original" (fun fact: You're not original) and that the copies you are trying to hock are going to be "collector's items" because you are leaving that particular publisher, but I read a sample while I listened to you ramble and your writing style is similar to a 13 year old's. Seriously, I've seen better writing styles in Children's books. You write like you talk. Not very well.

7. You're visiting small towns in the Bible belt, of course this book is going to "sell like hot cakes."

8. Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot. You play like you're the "Devil" just for a scenario, but you're in my face telling me I'm worthless. The difference, as I told you, is that I KNOW I'm NOT worthless. My worth is more than reading your book though. Seriously, how could you possibly think that would make me want to read it? Pretending that you are the Devil and that this book is going to save me from Suicide and save my soul... Dude, you don't even know my Soul!

9. "The Devil's Glove" is a terrible name. It sounds worse than cliched. And trust me, I've read some pretty cliched books. (Usually in the genre you are in)

10. "Are you big readers?" Nope. I walked into Barnes & Noble because I like the scenery. Never read a book in my life.

I could go on and on, really. This was the worst meeting with an author I've ever had. And I didn't want to meet you in the first place! Thanks for telling me all about your schedule though, because I now know to avoid B&N until Friday when you leave for St. Louis.

Sincerely,
Sarai.

Post Script: Don't laugh at me because I said "Joe Pesci does not endear me to your book." I was being quite serious. Going by his character name really doesn't make you more likable.

Lackadaisical

I'm sorry that I've been rather lackadaisical with my posting of late. Things have been a little bit crazy on my end.

I'll skip my usual Easter/Zombie Jesus Day rant and tell you all that I am feeling like today is a new beginning, in the most Pagan of ways.

Fertility is all around us, the awakening of the earth to a new life, the everlasting cycle of Birth, Life, Death. I have to admit that I love this time of year because it just goes to show how cyclical our lives truly are.

All for now, Happy Spring to you all.

Aussie Pride

Also Jesus didn't say that... It was quoted from the Old Testament (Genesis 2:24; written by Moses) in the New Testament (Ephesians 5:31; written by Paul). Jesus, quite literally, said nothing against Homosexuality. If you are a pastor, mayhaps you should actually know what you are quoting?

Note to the Hypocritical.

I find it fascinating. Truly, I really do. Its amusing.

I always thought that the Bible said to:
* "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39)
* "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority." (Hebrews 13:17)
* "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3)
* "Love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you," (Matthew 5:20)

I find it interesting how few people actually follow those verses, while preaching them all the time. Its so convenient to preach, but so inconvenient to follow. If you are going to go so far as to call yourself something, perhaps you should actually read and follow what you claim to believe?

A HUMAN Right.

I understand that a lot of people believe that marriage should be just between a man and a woman. Okay, fine. You believe that. But how can you deny another human being the ability to be with the person they love just because they are gay? That is NOT right.

We used to believe that people who weren't the same color couldn't get married. Because it was a "sin" because it was "unnatural." The problem is we are ALL the HUMAN RACE. We are ALL HUMAN BEINGS. We ALL deserve the same rights.

A lot of people say this country was founded on God (it is pointless to argue on that, you won't believe me anyway), but we were ALSO founded on FREEDOM. We came here to have the right to religion, free speech, etc. We came here to find our own God(s) and our own ways of life. And NO ONE has the right to take that away from you. NO ONE.

Perhaps we should remember that the next time we ask a soldier to die for a country that won't let them marry the person they love.

Shocking Images

You know those pictures that say "If the picture on the left shocks you more than the one on the right..."?


I have lost my ability to be shocked by starving children in a photograph. Every day we walk past starving people and we just keep walking.
 
Everyday we walk past empty buildings and homeless people. We walk past people who have no healthcare, have nowhere to go, who are begging for the right to just be considered HUMAN. We walk past these things and we don't care, but God help you if there was a rape victim trying to have an abortion. Or a gay man trying to get married to his partner of 30 years. God help you if you so much as suggest there should be background checks on people buying weapons.
 
What kind of society is this? We fight for the lives of an unborn fetus, but then let the child starve. We don't provide the healthcare the mother needs to safely carry her child to term.
 
We whine about having to have a background check because it "won't stop criminals" but we wonder why so many people are killed when mentally unstable people get a hold of a high powered weapon.
We tell others they can't get married, but we are allowed to abuse marriage by doing it multiple times. Even if they have been in a faithful relationship for more years than you have had partners.
 
 Does nobody else see a problem with all this? Does nobody else see what I see?

The Cut

Recently I was linked to an article, posted on the website "Barrel of Oranges," about Rape. The title intrigued me, as I'm sure it would just about anyone (good on you, Barrel of Oranges!), because of the simplicity of it.

"Teaching my 2 year old how not to rape" is what it said. I was intrigued because of the idea behind it. The idea that we have to teach our children not to harm others. The idea that if we don't teach them not to harm, someone else will to teach them how to harm. The idea kind of blindsided me and I realized I had to read the article.

If you are interested in reading it for yourself here is the link:
http://barreloforanges.com/2013/03/24/teaching-my-2-year-old-how-not-to-rape/

Surprisingly, however, it wasn't her views on rape that astounded me. It was what I read about circumcision. She doesn't hide her opinion on the matter. Its right there in the first paragraph. It jolted me a bit, because I've never really thought about circumcision. At least, not as in depth as I did after reading a couple of her other posts on the topic.

I grew up in church. The majority of the people that know me (or have read a few of my rants) know this. I was taught that circumcision (of male genitalia) is required by God. I don't know why, actually. I never really understood why it mattered whether or not the foreskin was cut off of a man's junk. In fact, for the longest time I had NO idea what a foreskin even was. I had never seen an uncircumcised penis, actually. Not that I had seen very many penises at that time anyway.

But the Bible is FULL of verses on Circumcision and how men are to be circumcised. Even Abraham got circumcised at the ripe old age of ninety-nine (Genesis 17:24). What I do know is that God believed it was a valid part of a covenant between himself and Abraham (its been a while since I picked up my Bible). He even says so in Genesis. If you want specifics, chapter 17:10-11.

I've also always believed that circumcision was healthier for a man than remaining uncircumcised. Something that I discovered, upon researching, isn't entirely true. I thought that a man received more sexual pleasure if he was circumcised versus uncircumcised. However, circumcision comes down to aesthetics more than health and sexual pleasure. And, often times, it can be botched.

Now, if you had asked me about female circumcision I would've told you that it was genital mutilation. There is no aesthetic or enhanced sexual pleasure to female circumcision. It is purely to mutilate to the point that a woman no longer feels enjoyment or pleasure from sex, keeping her faithful to her husband. It is also so that a man remains "undisturbed" by the natural shape of a female sex, or her being "over-sexed." I remember being horrified as a kid reading an article on the topic by Waris Dirie, a Somalian actress and model, who had been "circumcised" at the tender age of five.

But the post by Barrel of Oranges made me think. It made me consider a few things.

Recently my god-daughter, who is 3, got a hold of a pair of scissors and cut off a decent portion of her hair (think Sinead O'Connor). Obviously, her mom was freaking out. This beautiful child, however, was not upset and told her mother that it was "perfect." I didn't "fight" with her mother, but I did tell her that if the child wants to cut off all her hair that is her right. It is HER body, not her mother's. She should be able to express herself however she wants. If she thinks she is beautiful, I want her to believe that. I want her to grow up believing that no matter what she is beautiful because she LOVES how she looks and fuck anyone who doesn't think so.

The belief that it is her body and that her mother shouldn't interfere is something I had never considered when it comes to circumcision.

The absence of a "no," doesn't automatically mean "yes."

Why would I cut off healthy, living, tissue from my son's penis just because I think circumcised is more attractive? He has no way of agreeing to this and I am doing irreparable damage to his body. Circumcision is permanent. I can't go back later and let him undo it. There is NO going back from that. And I would want my child to decide what they want. Not what I want.

My husband is circumcised. And yes, I prefer the look compared to uncircumcised. After reading up on it, doing some research and thinking very carefully about body rights, I have decided that if I ever had a son, I would never circumcise him. I would let him decide when he was old enough to understand what he was doing.

I had the audacity to ask an adult male (that I had a crush on) if he was "cut" or "uncut." I remember his being appalled at the idea of being "uncut." As if that was a disgusting thing. Why is a piece of flesh disgusting?

We can argue aesthetics all day long. I don't find penises particularly attractive to begin with, so it would be easy for me to say I prefer my husband's. It would be easy to say that the only other penis I have ever found attractive was Yul Brynner's and he was uncircumcised. Either can be beautiful. Either can be perfect. It is a matter of opinion.

What isn't up for debate, at least where I am concerned, is the ethics of it. Is it ethical to remove healthy tissue from a healthy penis without the consent of the patient? No matter how young? Is it ethical to alter someone else's body without their permission, just because they won't "remember" or because we find it more "aesthetically pleasing?" I don't think it is.

Let my child remain uncut. Let them decide when they are old enough to understand it. Let them decide what to do with their body. They only receive one in this lifetime and who am I to tell them what to do with it?

My question for my male friends/readers is this:
* What are your thoughts?
* Are you circumcised? Uncircumcised?
* If you are circumcised, do you wish you hadn't been? Are you comfortable as you are?
* If you are uncircumcised, do you wish you had been? Do you prefer being "uncut?"

A Fool, A Day

I should know better than to argue with fools. Especially on the day of Fools. Does this day give them super powers or just make them EXTRA stupid? Just curious.

If being Liberal is wrong, then I willingly embrace it. Last I checked believing in the Freedom of the Individual didn't make me a Satanist or a Liberal Pig. It made me a human being!

Why do we put labels on ourselves? Why do we feel the need to do that? It makes no sense to me. We are all HUMAN. What labels are needed? What does it matter what I believe and what I don't?

I'm not sorry that I believe in Equal Rights and I don't understand how that makes me wicked.

I'm not sorry that I believe EVERYONE should have the right to Health Care, Education, Marriage, Religion, etc. And I don't understand how that can be so wrong. I don't think I'll ever understand. I don't think I WANT to understand. I want to continue believing in what I believe is right.

I see nothing wrong with being who you are in the supposed "Land of the Free." You know, the one that says I have the right to LIFE, LIBERTY and the Pursuit of HAPPINESS?

Never Ceasing.

Human stupidity and arrogance never ceases to amaze (and annoy) me.

We are all human. Therefore, when we say "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal..." shouldn't that mean EVERYONE? Since, "all men" is the equivalent of "mankind" which means EVERYONE.

Am I the only one who thinks that makes sense? Am I the only one who thinks about how we escaped from England because there was no separation of church and state? How often Religion blinds us, because we never follow it the way it is supposed to be followed?

I'm sorry, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe when Jesus said to "love thy neighbor as thyself" he was talking about killing people for being different and denying them the right to marry and denying them food and healthcare. I'm sorry, I missed that part of that verse.

I must've misinterpreted the portions where Jesus spoke of feeding the hungry and clothing the naked. And treating "the least of these." I thought Jesus fed people, with no payment. I thought Jesus healed people, without payment.

I thought God was supposed to be loving. Did I miss something? Are we living in an Old Testament scenario? God in the Old Testament; Jealous, cruel, homophobic, racist (Racism is funny coming from God, because God is the one who created us...), etc. Do we really want to worship someone who orders small children and women to be enslaved or murdered?

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be offensive, but it irritates me.

And I keep hearing Simon and Garfunkel in my head singing about Freedom Riders, and thinking about Civil Rights and how we just keep killing because we don't know how to love and we don't know how to accept.

I keep hearing my marriage vows and wondering why some are denied the right while others abuse it.

A Choice

I've stopped wearing the hijab. I won't attempt to "try out" any other religions. At least not in the near future. It isn't so much the giving up, as it is the emotional upheaval that bothers me.

I want so desperately to believe in something, but I don't. And wanting to believe in something and actually believing in something aren't the same thing. In the end it felt like a lie. A desperate attempt on my part to be something more than I am. Maybe I was never meant to be a religious person. Maybe I was never meant to defend or protect or change anything. Maybe I was just meant to be me.

I was torn. Torn between my defiance in the face of adversity and my heartbreak in discovering that I couldn't put my faith in something I can't see. Not again. Even though I fiercely defended it with everything I had in me. I would still defend it. I will defend any religion (except Scientology, but that is because it is not a "real" religion), to the death if necessary. I will defend anyone who wishes to practice those religions. I have a great appreciation for them. A deep love for the thoughts and the practices and the motions. I just can't do them myself.

I may still wear the hijab in private. Just between myself and whatever god or goddess may exist out there. Maybe the all exist. Sekhmet, Jesus, Krishna, Allah, Athena, etc. Maybe they all exist and that is why the world is so insane. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

I have learned a lot, which is what I originally stepped out of my shell to do. I force myself into the open to learn, to take it all in. To force a change in myself that I feel needs to happen. And I have walked away with a thought.

I never knew prejudice before now.

Oh, I understood it. On a level that most people do. It was abhorrent and wrong. But it is different when you step over the line and see what it is like to be on the side actually living with it. Living under it.

I lost track of how many times someone asked "Where are you from?" and they didn't mean what state. I had people refuse to let me wait on them. I had people call me all sorts of names. My life was threatened at one point. It was that that made me want to continue, even when I knew I had lost the heart of it. I didn't want to give up and let them win. Let them be the reason I was giving up. I haven't given up, though. It wasn't them. It was my inability to continue lying to myself. I have accomplished part of what I set out to do. I saw what it was like.

Shams (a Muslim friend who moved to the states from Bangladesh) told me once that I couldn't understand what he went through. And I will never fully understand what he goes through, because his experiences will be different from mine, but I have had a taste.

I've rambled now. It's the migraine that keeps coming back. I just keep circling the same thoughts over and over.

Stuck in the Caverns of my Head

A sad tale, to be sure, I am currently being plagued by a severe case of writer's block and depression. No, I don't know why I'm depressed, I just am. I've been thinking a lot lately and I think I just think too much.

I feel like such a disappoint me sometimes. I've tried so hard to accomplish something, something to make my parents proud, make my grandparents proud, hell, make ME proud. I have yet to feel like I've done that. Though my mother and my step-father tell me all the time how proud they are of me.

One of the few things I don't like about my recent conversion to Islam is not showing my hair. I kind of miss doing cute things with my hair where people other than my husband can see it. I know wearing hijab isn't required to be a practicing Muslim, but I kind of enjoy wearing it. I feel more secure in it, even though I miss showing my hair.

I am surprised by how passionate I've become about Islam. I have always had a deeper desire to learn about it. A deeper desire to explore. I just didn't realize how much I would love my experiences with it. Even the bad ones. They have made me something more than I was. And I am okay with that. I feel like in some ways I have become better. In other ways I know I still need growing and maturing. Its a funny thing discovering that you are never as mature as you think you are. I still have so much growing up to do, in spite of all the growing I thought I had already done.

I have been thinking about guns, wars, hates and gods. I've been thinking about this world with all the people in it, all the beautiful things we could learn, and we still can't love each other. It hurts. I'm not sure why, but it does.

I have been dreaming about death and sadness. I wonder if it is an omen of things to come or a representation of my current surroundings.

A prevailing thought is that I have to be brave in the face of what I don't know. I have to keeping going forward because I am so close to something, even though I don't know what it is. I am standing on a precipice and all I hear is "I'm not going to fall, I can't."

And in the midst of all this, I hear Josh Groban singing "Brave." And I know those lyrics fit me somehow, but my puzzle is incomplete.

The Case for the Second Amendment.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States.

My personal opinion on the Second Amendment is this:

I, as a normal person, don't need an automatic weapon. It isn't needed for hunting and I'm not planning on killing anyone. Should military have these guns, yes. Should police have these guns, yes. But they have a different job than I do.

I like guns. They are fun to shoot. They are good to have around sometimes. But I don't need an automatic one. I don't feel like anyone should have an automatic weapon. They are dangerous and completely unnecessary to everyday life. My husband and I disagree on this point. He believes we should be allowed to have whatever weapons we want.

The reason I bring this up is because today (this first day of my shiny New Year) has been spent arguing with people about my choices in Religion and my choices in Politics (hopefully this day hasn't set the tone for the rest of the year).

One of my "friends" on Facebook (he is no longer a friend, as I have deleted him) posted the following on his wall, we'll call him Gunner since he is definitely for guns of all sorts.

Gunner: Bitch needs a home invasion... cunt'll change her tune with a quickness.


Me: First of all, I really don't understand the need for a normal human being, like myself, to own semi-automatic weapons. When am I going to need that for hunting? When am I going to need to kill several hundred people at one time?
Secondly, I don't think that registering your weapons is a bad thing. Why wouldn't you want to know who has guns? I mean, if the crazy person next door has guns, wouldn't you like to know about it?
Thirdly, the fingerprinting, I agree with. I had to be fingerprinted for my job, what is wrong with someone getting fingerprinted for purchasing a weapon? However, I think fingerprinting should be enough in that situation, so I do disagree with the photography. People's appearances change, fingerprints don't. Unless you do something on purpose to change them.
Lastly, why would you say that? You've been posting verses, I've seen them. Why would you be quoting scripture and then turning around and calling someone a "b***h" and a "c**t"? Doesn't the Bible say "Judge not lest ye be judged"? And "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you"? And "Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him."?
You may disagree with what she says, but are you really being a good example by behaving in this manner? No. You are actually making an irrational and awful statement about attacking someone so that they will do things your way. Last I checked, that wasn't the American way (America is the land of the Free. Freedom to express personal views. Last I checked, that was the 1st amendment. Granted, that doesn't mean there aren't repercussions to saying what you want to, but she has the same basic rights everyone else does.) or the Godly way ("Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen").
Not trying to start a fight, just trying to show a different point of view.

MA (one of his friends): I wish I could have said it that well, Sarai. Thank you!

AB (one of his friends): My only issue with the whole thing is "like common criminals" Otherwise, there should not be any reason for anyone to have a problem with this. I own a gun and have no problem doing any of this because I am NOT a "common criminal."

Gunner: First and foremost either of you ever been hunting? No. Didnt think so. I just went yesterday. I took an automatic shotgun. ever had soemone blow your window out with a shotgun? nope. I have. I reacted with a semi auto weapon. and im alive today and a criminal is not. as for my religion, lets not go there. I post verse because it strikes m interest. I get pissed off, I speak. The bitch is trying to take my rights away. i think she needs a lesson on why we Do need automatic weapons. criminals can still get them even if I cant. MA you should damned well know how difficult that gunfight would be if you were the one without an automatic weapon. you'd be fuckin dead. i think people need to wake the fuck up and quit living in their dream world of "oh everythings ok except the war maybe if we ban guns all the bad stuff will go away and the government can take care of me" um no. the government A lies to you habitually B. doesnt care about you at all C. wants to run your life further than even the most repulsive liberal would want. I have registered weapons i have no problem with that but seriously people, dont tell me what kind of weapons i can and cant have. im not a criminal so ill listen but guess what the criminals wont. when they start kickin your door in on your family come talk to me and then tell me how you feel. If its at any doubt at all, yes you pissed me the fuck off. God Bless America.

Me: I'm sorry to have upset you, Gunner. Apparently you have changed more than I originally thought. I am sorry that you seem to be under the impression that because you have had bad things happen to you in your life that you should be allowed to force your opinions on others.
I'm also sorry that you seem to find Liberals "repulsive" as I am a liberal. I believe in equal rights for everyone, I believe in gun control because it is right, not because it will actually stop anyone. Will there always be criminals? Absolutely. Will there always be evil? Absolutely. However, I don't understand your reasoning behind this. No rights are actually being infringed upon. Nowhere in the second amendment does it say that you have the right to semi-automatic or fully automatic weapons.
The second amendment is still very important to me, no matter what. I believe that we have the right to bear arms. I believe that guns are important to the safety of anyone. My great-aunt has a rifle she keeps in her closet in case someone tries to break in. She has been fingerprinted for it and registered it with the State Police. Has she ever had to use it? No. But I'm grateful she has the right to have it.
I'm not living in a dream world. I know the government lies to me. I know everyone around me has two faces. There is the side the public sees and the side that the private world sees. I'm saddened by this, but it is a fact of life.
I'm also saddened by the fact that not that long ago you commented on something I had posted (as said by Eisenhower). He also said "A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." And that is all I'm going to say on the matter. [At this point I made the semi-painful decision to delete him from my friend's list. This is a friend I haven't seen in 10 years that I finally found after really searching. It was a disappointment to discover just how different he is now from the person I remembered.]

TB (one of his friends): ok i have read enugh bullshit gunner i have been in your life for 14 years and in all that time you have never shot a gun at a person. you can lie to these people on here and build your self up but lieing about shooting and killing them is a out and out lie

MA: You ever been to war? No, didn't think do. You were either too scared, or too stupid to join the military. Don't tell me about fire fights. Don't tell me what bombs are like. If you are going to live your life by your "messiah's" scriptures you might want to read what he said again.

So far this is all there has been to the argument. Because I commented on it before I deleted him I can still see the posts. I just can't comment any longer.

I've decided to keep this argument for posterity, as it shows a complete lack of understanding on some people's parts. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that my opinion was accepted amongst his friends, whereas I was afraid I would be attacked by them. I think the saddest part is that I thought we were on the same wavelength regarding gun control. The reason for that is the quote I posted at the very beginning of this post (which I also vaguely referred to in my reply to him, but I got distracted and forgot to finish the thought).

When I posted that quote this is the conversation we had:
Gunner: Im very very very pro gun (obviously) but he had a point to be understood. Well posted hon.

Me: I am also pro-guns, but I am also pro-regulation of said guns. The 2nd amendment even calls for a well-regulated militia, not an unregulated populace. Also, Eisenhower was a good president.
And I'm glad you think it was well posted

Gunner: Likewise, Every gun I own I gladly went through the due process of. Without one single complaint and Id gladly do it again. and yes he was.

Am I sad that I deleted him? Yes. Because I really had been looking for him this whole time. We were close until he moved and I was so excited when I found out he had moved back and I ran into him. So my heart is a little broken right now. It hurts losing friends. It hurts fighting with people on my very first day of the New Year. 

Would I delete him again? Yes. Because I'm not going to be treated negatively for having a different opinion and I'm not going to allow people to bring hatred into my life. I'm determined to be positive now. Its time for this Shiny New Year to really SHINE.

Let the Christmas Rants begin

I am so sick of people who try to force "Merry Christmas" down my throat.

I don't celebrate "Christmas," never really have. I have always believed that "Christmas" was a pagan holiday (partially because I do my research) dressed up as a "Christian" holy day to convert more pagans to Christianity during the early days of our history.

Newsflash, Jesus wasn't born on Christmas. In fact, we'll never know exactly when Jesus was born. Since Israel has roughly the same climate as the state of Indiana (in the USA), I'm going to say it definitely was NOT December, as no shepherd in his right mind is going to be out in the middle of winter with sheep that could freeze to death (or starve as there would be nothing for them to graze on) thus depriving him of his flock.

It offends me when people try to force me to say something I don't believe in. I'm not going to tell you Merry Christmas if I don't believe in it or feel like it. Please respect that wish. Also, think about what you are doing when you try to force your beliefs down other people's throats. Are you really being Christ-like?

I am all for people being Christians or Muslims or Jews or Hindus or Buddhists. But we need to learn that there is a difference between being an example and being a jerk. You can be a good *insert religious preference here* and not badger people about converting.

*End Rant*

The Guy next door

I found out yesterday that someone that I almost dated (ick, I hate saying that in retrospect), someone I went to church with, someone who stalked me, someone who used to be a friend, was arrested for possession of Child Pornography. Yes, a Christian man that I used to go to church with was arrested yesterday for viewing and downloading child porn to his flashdrive at the Public Library.

I can't even begin to explain how I feel right now. I feel disgusted and dumbfounded. I'm seriously gobsmacked (as Pomme would say) right now. I knew he was creepy and strange. I knew he had issues, which is why we didn't end up dating, but Child Porn?!

I am naive. I know this. However, it is things like being called a "damn towel-head" and finding out someone I used to consider a friend has been arrested for possession of something so heinous that causes me to shake my head in disbelief. I can't even imagine what would make someone do that! Especially at a PUBLIC LIBRARY!

Most disturbing part about this?

"D. told police that because he does not have Internet access at his home, he has been resorting to the library computers to manage the child porn collection and transfer the content to a flash drive so he may view it on his personal computer."

This wasn't a one time incident. He had a COLLECTION on his home computer! I'm so disgusted and disturbed by this that I can't even form cognitive sentences on the subject.

I went to school with this guy. I had a terrible crush on him when we were in High School. That is until he converted to Christianity. He was much more attractive when he was a Goth kid who said he would bite my tongue and make me like it. Which in retrospect is even more CREEPY. I was his friend for a long time. We went to church together on several occasions. He just got creepy after his conversion however. And then I find this out.

I can't explain what I feel right now. I'm still in shock. It hasn't fully sunk in.

The Girl in the Head Scarf

Up until now I have been keeping this to myself, but a few things recently have really made me think and when I think I have to write. So here it is.

I have recently converted to Islam. Or, at the very least, attempted to. I'm not very good at it, in my personal opinion. Of course, I've always been a little too independent for religion to begin with. I don't think I was a very good Christian either. So far, in my religious experiences I seem to have made a much better Atheist. Beside the point of course.

The biggest part of my conversion is my searching for something to believe in. I may be a Muslim forever, I may revert back to Atheism. I may decide to practice Judaism. Allah alone knows the answer to that. And I truly believe He knows the answer.

Does this seem very odd? I'm sure it does. With all the times I have ranted against God it seems silly to have this "eleventh hour" conversion. I'll admit that it seems odd to me as well, considering that I truly believe God and Allah are the same being. I refuse to attempt to explain it really. I have just decided this is the path I'm going to try and I'm going with it.

This also explains why I have been posting a few different things about racism recently. Because this is something I've been experience since I started wearing the hijab. Yes, I am wearing the hijab as part of my conversion. And something strange happened when I started doing that. I felt more comfortable as myself and everyone around me became more uncomfortable.

Former co-workers have threatened to run me over with their cars, men in Mexican restaurants say not so nice things about my "turban," and, most recently, random strangers drive past me shouting at me that I am a "damn towel-head." Former co-workers have embraced this newest me (as I am constantly evolving), offered to protect me, random strangers have invited me to come and speak with them at Mosque and there has been encouragement. In truth, it has been a bit of a polarizing experience.

I knew there would be resistance. This isn't the first time I have donned the hijab. Though the first time was in high school, in solidarity with a Muslim friend who was run out of town, and as a social experiment. And part of this is a social experiment. Life is a social experiment. Beside the point of course.

I knew that I would find out who my real friends were. Though it has been a bit painful. Some of the people I thought I cared about turned out to be the enemy. But I'm still here. And I am still wearing my hijab.

I've also come to the conclusion that Christians in the US (obviously if you are Christian and reside in another country this doesn't necessarily apply) have NO clue what they are talking about when they speak of "persecution." You've never been persecuted unless you've walked in someone else's shoes. Which is what I'm doing now. It is part of the refining fire, as the Bible says.

I'm scared, but I'm elated. I like pushing the boundaries, but I am afraid to go too far. Am I a freak? I suppose time alone will tell.

The Harlot's Blush

It is impossible to say how long they had been insane. The madness was a black pool in which they had, long, been drowning. It was toxic, yet it seemed to give them an almost ethereal loveliness. A tainted beauty enveloped their house and clung to them like so many flecks of ivory colored mud.

He had been a soldier. The blood stains of war could be seen beneath the slowly cracking facade. He lost himself somewhere in the torn jungles of a foreign land and between the legs of a beautiful, young, girl with soulless eyes. His infidelities, to both his wife and himself, often stirred the fires of madness to the point of a break. He would fling himself into a scalding tub of water and scream at God for just a moment of peace. When it had passed he would remind himself that God had died, with him, in those war torn jungles long ago.

She had been a victim of incestuous desires, forced to run from her home to escape an older brother. She had run as far as her twenty dollars and sixty-two cents could take her before she began hocking the only thing left to her. She married the first man that asked and lied, saying she was eighteen. She was his wife, a leash on the madness, already creeping in, until the war. Everything changed after that. While he was gone, she took a lover and began to drink. The scars building on her arms and torso were just to bleed, not to kill. There was no one there to care.

After another fifth of whatever alcohol she can find, she stumbles into his arms. He is shaking and whispering. He looks afraid, as if he were a wounded rabbit being hunted by something more sinister than a fox.

"God is dead. He died between that girl's legs in those forsaken jungles. What a waste. What a tragedy." He whispers into her tousled amber hair as he plants a small kiss on her pale earlobe. He is speaking nonsense, he always does after the nightmares begin. And they always begin this time of year.

~~~

The couple next door have finished moving in and are having a celebratory dinner. They invite their neighbors, though they feel uneasy around them. They can sense the wrongness beneath the calm, everyone can. At first the young wife pleads with her husband not to invite them. There is something there that makes her frightened. Proper etiquette and good manners win in the end.

The evening begins, quietly, with a few casual drinks and pleasantly neutral banter. It grows into a robust game of chess, unwitting pawns in the world of questions. It fades into a hulking paranoia, and resentment, as the guests are politely introduced to the door. Good nights and good byes are given and received as they part for the night.

~~~

The paranoia sits on his chest as he tosses and turns. He must have the beautiful young woman next door. She is perfect, so wonderfully fresh and new. He must have her. His wife doesn't matter, she doesn't even compare. The young woman next door is all that matters.

He watches her, day after day. He follows her as she walks home from the store. He memorizes her curves as he stalks her. He is waiting for the moment to take her, the moment where she will be his alone. He waits, patiently, for a year, writhing in the heat of his lust and the agony of his madness.

He takes her. Takes her just as he did a young girl in a foreign country years ago. He strings her up and rakes his hot hands over her body. He says he will take his time, enjoy her, but impatience is a cruel master. It drives the knife into her writhing body over and over. It is impotence and rage, tempered with insanity, that drives the knife. He can no longer satisfy his wife or himself. Not since that girl in the jungles where God died. He can no longer be a man.

~~~

She finds him in the shed in the fenced-in backyard. He is wallowing in blood and praying to his crucified Madonna. He is crying and has cut himself. She finds his severed manhood lying beside the young neighbor's wilting corpse. Gently, she lifts it from the dirt floor and places it in an empty firefly jar.

She goes to him then. She kneels beside him and takes his head into her lap, caressing his tangled hair. She pries the knife from his hand and twines her fingers with his. She bends over him to kiss his cheek, all the while murmuring words of comfort. She imagines a crown of thorns on his beautiful head as she slits his throat.

She ties him up beside the neighbor woman and begins to devolve into her own wickedness. Her eyes glitter with hatred and insanity, the madness a poisonous balm to her breaking heart. She hums an off-key melody as she lines up jars. They are mostly empty, but in her mind they are holding the parts of every man that harmed her.

She croons, softly, to his body as it, too, begins to wilt. She glances into his tear-bright eyes, still wide in shock at his sudden demise. She sings to him, as if he were a sleepy child. Brushing a stray wisp of hair from his face, she pats his cheek.

"A beautiful forest, a sea of green, nestled at the foot of the mountain. God stands within, laughing at the rotting demons strung amongst the autumn leaves. Their eyes cry out and ghosts weep, quietly. No mortal loves his life in that forest.

"You look so peaceful," she whispers, caressing his cooling face. His eyes seem to be screaming at her. "so calm and beautiful. You didn't have to take her when I would have given myself up to your knife. Was my blood not perfect for this exorcism? Was my heart not beating for you as the blade graced your throat?

"What a waste. What a tragedy. What a beautiful blush the harlot has upon her snow cheek. She fell in love with you, even as you wielded your blade against her. She parted softly with your name, a hallowed prayer, upon her bloody lips. She was a rose and you stole her petals, a goddess in flesh and you freed her from imprisonment.

"What now, my husband? What now, my love?"

She sees him stir at these last words. A strangled scream escapes her mouth as he sways toward her. His hands, once secured, now reach out to choke her, to deny her breath. She claws and gnashes her teeth, sinking into his cold flesh and tearing it. She hears him howling, like a werewolf, his screams beating against the drum of her skull. All her struggle is in vain.

~~~

They found her with her own hands wrapped around her throat. Red teeth marks and torn flesh lay in abundance. The two bodies, hung from the rafters, seemed to be in a lover's pose. A bloody heart was drawn on the wall behind them.

When she was revived all that could be discerned from her garbled speech was "heaven." They led her away from the scene in a white coat, given to her by the nice man also in white.

What they could not understand she knew all too well.

She had tasted heaven in her final scene.

Racism: A Universal Language.

It has been said that Love is a universal language. A smile can be understood in any tongue. But racism is also universal. Discrimination and hatred can be understood no matter what language you speak or where you are from. The saddest thing is that even in today's "advanced society" (I use the terms "advanced" and "society" loosely [as society is defined as an organized group of persons associated together for religious, benevolent, cultural, scientific, political, patriotic, or other purposes. And advanced is defined as ahead or far or further along in progress, complexity, knowledge, skill, etc.]) there is racial dissension and hatred, solely for being different.

Despite my naivete, I have been fully aware of the hatred that so called "society" can engender in others against someone who is different. I was always a different child. I was overweight and I read a lot of books. I have always been told that I was very intelligent, intelligence can be frightening to someone who doesn't appreciate the need for education. And of course this all stems from some form of fear. Which is saddening.

When I was a child, I didn't hate things I was scared of. I was afraid of it. Often this made me want to learn more about it. When I was afraid of vampires, I researched them and discovered all the wonderful mythology Stephanie Meyer could've found if she had bothered to research for "Twilight." But that is neither here nor there. I'm afraid of spiders, but I don't hate them. Well, I might say I hate them, but I actually don't. I am just scared of them and don't want them crawling on me. I don't want any bugs crawling on me.

I'm afraid of dying, but that doesn't mean I hate death. I try to understand it. Why do we all die? Things like that.

My point is this, racism, like love, can be understood no matter who you are. And it is LEARNED. No one is born with hate. No one is born with love either. We learn these things. We learn to hate, to love, to react. And if we are still teaching our children to hate then this universal language remains vibrant and prevalent. An unfortunate disease of an "enlightened" society.

A perfect example of this universal language is the following video. This young woman was, in fact, white. But she was French. And different from the other Aussies on the bus. It's sad that just singing in French could trigger this violent attack against her. But it isn't unheard of.

Racism.

Racism is defined as a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
It is also defined as hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.
I cannot comprehend that. I can't understand how someone can hate another person or another religion so much without understanding it or knowing the person. How can you look at someone in a hijab and automatically hate her? How can you look at the color of someone's skin and already hate him? You don't even KNOW them. You don't know who they are, you don't understand their beliefs, all you know is the outside appearances.
I don't understand how we can claim to be the 'land of the free' when we still have soldiers who can't marry the person they love because they are gay, we have people calling our president the n-word, we have people threatening to run over other people with cars because they wear the hijab and we have people afraid to practice their religious and personal beliefs. That isn't a free country.

Pro-Life and Pro-Birth don't mean the same thing

Today I was browsing my Facebook (which I do often, I admit) and came across this article as posted by my friend Kami. It's about a young woman who died because she was denied an abortion.

Take a second to read the article at the following link:

http://www.michaelnugent.com/2012/11/14/tragedy-shame-and-outrage-as-pregnant-savita-dies-in-irish-hospital-because-of-catholic-dogma-and-political-cowardice/

 Now, maybe you are like me and you are reading that article and saying to yourself "That's awful! Why would anyone let that happen?" Maybe you aren't. Maybe you believe that young woman deserved to die for trying to save her own life, knowing that there was absolutely no way to save that of her child.

 I hope you don't believe that way. I hope you don't believe that one life is so much more important than another that they should both be lost to be fair.

I think that the worst part is the fact that these men and women call themselves Doctors and their first vow is to do no harm. This woman was viciously harmed, in agony and dying because she was carrying a nonviable fetus that was in the process of miscarriage as was. It makes me sick, thinking about this poor woman.

It is baffling how backwards the priorities of the Church are. We can't save the child, so we won't save the woman because it would be "murder" of the nonviable fetus that is already in the process of miscarriage? How is that holy? How is that Godly? How is that in anyway "pro-life?" Doesn't that mean life for EVERYONE?