Showing posts with label snake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snake. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Snakes at Work

The other day while at work, I hear over the walkie that there is a snake.

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As in that little guy. He was trapped in our store and accidentally was killed when a fixture ran over him. Poor little snake.

May you catch a hundred mice in snake heaven.

Also, there is nothing funnier than a snake in a department store full of unsuspecting customers.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Dancing in My Chair

Sometimes, at random moments, I will passionately miss the 90's. As in the decade, the 1990's. Seriously, I don't know why. The 90's had some horrible fashion trends and some less than good music, but it was my childhood and I embrace that.

Its at these moments that I go back to the music I listened to, or discovered in the 90's. Or I watch some clips from my favorite shows. Or I sit and just dance in my chair to the music I loved (when I could listen to it that is, a certain man [who shall remain nameless] forbade the listening of certain music that wasn't Christian). I listen to 90's pop, Christian music, Michael Jackson, Celine Dion and Whitney Houston. I think about Doug, the Rugrats, All That, Wishbone, Are You Afraid of the Dark and Cousin Skeeter. I read excerpts from "Saddle Club", "The Boxcar Children" and "Goosebumps" (which I didn't read until I was in my late teens).

And sometimes, because I'm rediscovering my childhood, I discover new music and I fall in love with a decade when everything seemed so much more simple! At least to me. Do you remember when Britney was at the top of her game? Songs like "Lucky" and "Oops I did it Again"? Or "Big Butts"? We were the Nintendo players, the Mariah Carey lovers, the believers of Aliens and Y2K. We wore high tops and had crew cut hair. We were insane and believed in so much, hoped for so much.

I miss those times. I really do. I don't know why, because the 90's had its downsides too. Like any decade. Like any day. Like any life. But the 90's was my childhood. When I went swimming with my Aunt Carmen all summer. Or cleaned house with my Aunt Peggy, who would let me spend the night and watch Mork & Mindy in between homeschooling lessons.

I miss getting cappuccino for the first time and discovering how delicious it was. I miss running through the woods and pretending it was Narnia. I miss discovering "The Yellow Submarine" with my brother and all the movies my mom introduced us to. I miss falling asleep to Simon & Garfunkel at night and dancing with Hannah to Loggins & Messina. The 90's was my playground, my perfect time. My biggest worries were the boys I was crushing on and Y2K (which everyone was afraid of).

For New Year's Chris and I would stay up until midnight watching "Much Ado About Nothing" and "Henry V" with our family friend, Ivan, while eating pizza and teasing Ivan when he would cover his eyes during the bloody parts. We went to the Egyptian exhibit at the Children's Museum and rode our bikes up and down the gravel roads.

My mother taught me to read, inspired me to write, inspired a love of literature and writing, of exploring everything. She taught me that every moment is a learning moment.

I played with Hannah, my baby sister. She looked like Shirley Temple at 2. I took her outside and chased her all over the yard. At night she would kick me out of bed, even though she was 2 and I was 10. As a baby, I would feed her cheerios in her bouncy seat and sing her Simon & Garfunkel songs as lullabies. I would read books about Sacajawea and Sesame Street. She was my first experience with a baby (when I would've been old enough to understand it). And, in a way, she was my baby. I protected her, I dressed her up, I changed her diapers and fed her. I played dolls with her. And I failed her in many ways. And, in many ways, she is still my baby, even though she is 15 now.

Chris and I would race our bikes, try stupid stunts (like tying Chris to the back of my bike to help him run faster and "lose weight") and chopping wood. We chopped a lot of wood, fed and watered a lot of dogs. I forced him to play Barbie dolls with me and he drove me up a wall. We dressed up, we fought, we forgave each other and he is one of my best friends to this day.

I met my best friend, Sarah W., a friendship that has lasted us 13 years this year. We used to talk on the phone for hours and hours. We watched "Pocahontas" over the phone, because we didn't get to hang out in real life as often as we wished. We played Gordon Lightfoot as loud as possible and scream-sang along. We picked berries and ate them all, while sitting in a field of green and white. We played Legos and made up stories. We ran wild, wrote notes in our own secret language during church. She helped me fall in love with snakes. I helped her fall in love with Star Wars.

I believed in Jesus with all my heart. Believed there was some reason for all the pain, for all hard times. For all the deaths and the lies. The 1990's were beautiful to me, even though I had a step-father who abused my brother and my mother almost died on our bathroom floor. Even though I was sexually abused. Even though my grandparents died. Even though it was the last time I saw my father in person. The last I spoke to him on the phone. The last letter I received. I believed that a good and just God was going to make it all right. That He was polishing me like how a gem is polished with stones.

I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to deliver babies in China, stop the abortions from happening. Protect the innocent. I wanted to be an actress and star in the movies I had seen. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a civil rights activist. I wanted to be free. Dream my dreams, live my life. I wanted to be married and have 16 children that I would home-school. I wanted to be a missionary. I wanted to be loved.

Do any of those childhood dreams still hold sway? Can they still exist now that I'm older, wiser, and I know all that I know?

For your viewing pleasure, a song from the 1990's that I used to dance to, alone in my room.

That's right, "Livin' La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin. And yes, I am that dorky.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My Bucket List

Hello Everyone!!

Today I have decided to post part (a long part) of my (so far) uncompleted Bucket List. Most of the stuff on here is fanciful, because I am a dreamer at heart, but some of it I could actually do at some point. I would love to read some bucket lists by others as well, maybe we have similar ideas! So, if you feel like sharing post a comment or send me an e-mail with your bucket list!

Now, in no particular order, My Bucket List.
- Listen to music by The Beatles with Ringo Starr.
- Visit a major city in 10 different countries. (Side note: I picked 10 as a standard number, it may vary later, but for now you will see the number 10 a lot)
- Record myself singing an a capella version of "I Need You" by George Harrison and send it to someone random as a gift.
- Swim with Dolphins.
- Visit 10 "haunted" places in Europe.
- Visit 10 "haunted" places in the United States.
- See the Pyramids and the Sphinx.
- Visit the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben and The Little Mermaid.
- Publish a book.
- Interview Wentworth Miller, Gackt and Morgan Freeman.
- Act in a movie with Anthony Hopkins.
- Kiss Gackt.
- Witness the birth of a baby.
- Kiss Keira Knightley.
- Produce a play.
- Sing a duet with Imogen Heap or Emmy Rossum.
- Read all the books on my "Must Read" list.
- Beat Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man.
- Try 10 different ethnic foods from around the world.
- Be a vegetarian for a year.
- Live in New York for a year.
- Design a Wedding Dress.
- Learn a foreign language.
- Visit the graves of Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard.
- Be on the cover a magazine.
- Meet Barack Obama.
- See Paris in Autumn.
- Weigh 130lbs.
- Sing for the King and Queen of a foreign country.
- Practice six different world religions for a year each.
- Be Scarlett O'Hara in a "Gone with the Wind" re-make.
- Star in a Movie.
- Make a touchdown.
- Be in a musical on Broadway.
- See a Broadway play.
- Kiss the Blarney Stone.
- Name a pet cat Amadeus.
- Meet the Dalai Lama.
- Have my picture taken by Leonard Nimoy.
- Go to the Salvador Dali museum.
- Meet Kermit the Frog.
- Pet a Shark.
- Make and sell a piece of jewelry.
- Name a pet snake Shakespeare.
- Visit the Winchester Mansion.
- Ride horses with Viggo Mortensen.
- Bake Cookies for the Russian Ambassador.
- Explore Africa.
- Have Moroccan tea with Judes (my Platonic Soul Mate).
- Go Mushroom Hunting (I have never actually been).
- Be on a day time talk show (e.g. Live with Regis and Kelly).
- Be on an episode of House M.D.
- Have lunch with a president.
- Make zombie cupcakes.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Anyone for a moment of Insanity?

The year is 111.
It began on a Wednesday. And born this year was Antinous, a lover of an emperor.
Here is a picture of Antinous, the most well known face of the ancient world. Oh, by the way, Antinous, is a MAN. A beautiful man, but a man none the less. So yes, he was Homosexual. And, unfortunately for him, he was 19 when he died.
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Speaking of Homosexuality (don’t you love that transition right there?), here is a song by Adam Lambert that I am kind of, sort of, in love with. Yep, I love Adam Lambert.


Admittedly I am addicted to several things. Including but not limited to:
StumbleUpon. Tis, my friend. A very, very good friend.
Randomness. It's because I'm random, you know.
Lady Gaga. Yes, sad but true. Something is very wrong with me.
Strange and interesting things. New things I didn’t know. I love learning new things
Coffee.
Chocolate.
The internet.
Books.
And Donnie. ^^

By the way, BANANA SNAKE ATTACK!!
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You didn’t see that coming now did you? I love that picture, by the way.

WARNING THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS A LITTLE INAPPROPRIATE!
http://cogitz.com/2009/08/24/the-most-bizarre-relationship-ever/
That was a pretty crazy relationship, AWESOME, by the way, but crazy nonetheless.

I wish life was a never-ending perfect circle, don’t you? Can’t you see it? I can.

All for now, but I’ll post some more later!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Mommy, I want a Mermaid!

A quote for the day.
"Thy kiss is comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake." Troilus and Cressida by Shakespeare

So, let's start with the news.

Female reporters in foreign countries don't feel like women. They feel like a "third sex". Confusing? A little, but quite understandable none the less
http://www.cbc.ca/arts/media/story/2010/03/11/female-reporters-cbc.html

In Thailand there are people who believe that tattoos give you super powers. If they are the right tattoo that is.
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/03/11/thailand.tattoos/index.html

This is hilarious, try it out! http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html

A Senior girl's Senior prom was canceled because she is a Lesbian and wanted to go with her girlfriend wearing a tux. Lawsuit pending.
http://m.clarionledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100311/NEWS/100311012/-1/WAP&template=wapart
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_lesbian_prom_date

A man breaks into a church to watch Porn. Don't believe me?
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/WaterCooler/wireStory?id=10066362

A baby elephant dies during 9 days of traumatic labor, but a live baby elephant is born. Zombie maybe?
http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=10070163

A young woman gets suspended from school for NOT taking drugs. Yep, the world just got turned upside down.
http://scienceblogs.com/dispatches/2010/03/another_dumbass_school_officia.php

And a Piano teacher is being charged with having Child Porn. He was already a sex offender.
http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/local/piano-teacher-faces-child-porn-charges-031010

And now a song. Today's song has nothing to do with my quote or the title of the blog, but I thought that the title was funny. ^^ Anyway, I am slightly addicted to this song right now, don't know why.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

I got my back baby

Current mood: Apathetic

BABY GOT BACK by Sir Mix-A-Lot!!! A blast from the past, God I loved my childhood... lol....



AND "Table be Round" by Sir Mix-A-Lot (God, I love a good parody!)



Random cuteness for your viewing pleasure!

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And now onto the news... Since I'm behind I'm going to catch you all up with ONE article from every day I've missed... maybe two if I feel like it. Ready? Set? NEWS!!

First we’ll start off with the news for today. I have four very interesting articles...

A young woman, after being attacked by a mugger, walks home. Why is this unusual? Because she had a knife lodged in her back.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2835867/Stab-victim-didnt-feel-blade.html

Nicotine Addicted Reptile for your viewing Pleasure.
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/811367-the-snake-whos-hooked-on-cigarettes

A 19 year old child porn victim seeks compensation.
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/02/03/child-porn-and-rape.html

Four women glue a cheating man’s penis to his stomach.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/women_avoid_jail_in_penis_glue_plot_tJEgBDsYQFiYN1scME6p4K

Jan. 06th.

A rescued reptile rescues his family from a house fire! Long Long the snake saves his adopted human family after a fire breaks out from an electric blanket.
http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/pets-animals/stories/pet-snake-saves-family-from-house-fire

Jan. 07th.

A falling dolphin injures one of the trainers. Who didn't see this one coming?
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/trainer-injured-by-falling-dolphin/story-e6frfku0-1225817107585

Jan. 08th.

Gorgeous pictures of the Harbin Ice and Snow Sculpture Festival in China.
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/01/harbin_ice_and_snow_sculpture.html

Men who have sex twice a week can reduce their risk for heart attacks and heart disease.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6950548/Having-sex-twice-a-week-reduces-chance-of-heart-attack-by-half.html

Jan. 09th.

A kitten found frozen in the snow survives!
http://www3.whdh.com/news/articles/local/BO133058/

Jan. 10th.

A criminal loses his fake penis in a raid. O.O
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/world/crime-lords-fake-penis-falls-off-in-raid/story-e6frfkui-1225817860385

Jan. 11 through 17.

Scary shark news… Did we cause them to kill us? (17th)
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1243355/As-swimmer-eaten-alive-Great-White-chilling-evidence-humans-blame-Have-turned-sharks-maneaters.html

A sweet place to get a treat has 860 flavors of Ice Cream! (16th)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/8460094.stm

Pat Robertson gets a letter from the devil about Haiti… (I’ll write more about THAT later) (15th)
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/01/the_devil_writes_pat_robertson.html?sc=fb&cc=fp

Woman Breastfeeds her DOG (14th)
http://www.pickmeupmagazine.co.uk/real_lives/I_breastfeed_my_dog_article_293284.html

After another Pat Robertson fuck up the White House says shut the fuck up. (well I wish) (13th)
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_haiti_pat_robertson

Donald Goerke the creator of SpaghettiOs dies at age 83 (12th)
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory?id=9553277

A sick man rapes his even sicker wife. Guess who was the real sickly one? (11th)
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stcharles/story/96370CB0C1F1E398862576AA0014CF5D?OpenDocument

All for now, I’m starting to get depressed with the news… More later!!

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter Ten)

Current mood: Awake

Chapter Ten: An Impossibly Possible Mission

Inside the Wizard’s castle it was quite dark, the hall only lit by tiny electric candles. There were very tall windows, but they were draped with heavy black curtains to block out even the tiniest light from outside the building.

“How are we going to find the wizard from here?” whispered Pomme.

“I have no clue, but we’ll find him. It couldn’t possibly be…” started Sarai.

“You know, every time you say it couldn’t possibly be that hard it turns out to be, so just be quiet.” Exclaimed Pomme.

“Sh!” complained the group.

They skipped down the hallway, trying to find a way to the wizard. At one point they stopped at the end of another excruciatingly long hallway, waiting a moment to figure everything out.

“So, what do you think you’re doing here?” asked a voice behind them. Upon hearing this voice they all jumped and turned around to discover a tall man with glasses, dressed like a guard, directly behind them.

“What are you doing here?” repeated the man.

“Um, we are here to help the Wizard.” said Pomme.

“With what? I wasn’t notified of any assistance being needed.” Replied the man.

“We are his hairstylists.” Sarai piped up.

“His hairstylists? This late? Why?”

“Well, have you seen his hair recently?” scoffed Pomme.

“What are your names?” asked the Man, trying to look very stern, but clearly getting bored.

“I’m Pomegranate, this is Sarai, Miyavi, Gackt and Yo.”

“Pomegranate? Your name is Pomegranate?” the man stifled a guffaw.

“Yes it is. You have a problem with that?”

“Nope, just laughing at your name meaning Cursed Evil Fruit. Follow me.” With a quick turn the man began to escort the group down a nearby hallway.

“What’s your name? If you don’t mind my asking?” said Sarai, catching up with the man.

“Trent.”

“Do you like working for the wizard, Trent?” asked Gackt.

“Not really. I mean I spend my entire time trying to figure out who is a guy and who is a girl that I just continuously feel like I’m getting penis wagged in my face.”

Sarai and Pomme stifled a giggle, both of them turning bright red.

“Did he just say what I think he just said?” whispered Pomme, pulling Sarai back behind the group of men.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he did.” Giggled Sarai.

After a short while, Trent led the group into the receiving room of the castle. Directing them toward some seats he quietly exited and was gone for about ten minutes before returning for the group.

“He says he will see you, though he doesn’t recall sending for you guys.” At this Trent shrugged and led the group into the throne room where he then promptly left closing the large and ornate doors loudly behind him.

“So,” a loud voice boomed. “You are not my real hairstylists. Why have you come here?”

“If it please your wizardness,” began Pomme “We were told to come to here by hide, the good witch or fairy or whatever he is of the North. At least I think it was the North.”

“Ah, so hide sent you, did he. Where is your proof?” asked the voice.

“Well, they are on my feet. Unfortunately. Do you know how much of a pain it is to try and run from flying platypi in nine inch electric blue heels?” replied Pomme.

“No, but I can imagine it would be rather hard.” Said the voice. “So you have the shoes of the Wicked Bitch of the East. Anything else?”

“Nope, that’s about it.” Said Sarai.

“What is it that you want exactly?” asked the voice.

“We want to go home,” said Pomme, pointing at herself and Sarai. “I don’t know what they want, I think they just came along for the cute factor.”

“Hmm, interesting. Well, for you to get home you need to complete a task for me.”

“What might that be?” asked Sarai, worry creeping up her spine.

“Oh nothing to big. I just need the Wicked Bitch of the West’s ‘Meat is Murder’ button.” Replied the voice.

“But to get that we would have to coming in touching distance of her!” cried an outraged Gackt. “And who in their right mind wants to do that?!”

“SILENCE!” commanded the voice, booming so loud that the room shook, knocking Pomme off her heels and onto her ass.

“You must bring me the button or else you go directly to the police. Do it and I will help you get home.” Then the voice faded and refused to answer any other questions.

“Well shit.” Said Sarai, helping Pomme back up to her feet. “What do we do now?”

“I guess we go to find the Bitch’s castle and get that button. Or else you guys will be stuck here.” Said Yoshiki, fiddling with his tail. “Truth be told guys I don’t want you to go. We could just find a nice abandoned cottage somewhere and live happily ever after. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“I’d be up for it, but who would feed Shakespeare?” said Sarai.

“Shakespeare?” asked Gackt, Yo and Miyavi in unison.

“Her creepy snake.” Replied Pomme.

“He is NOT creepy. He is a magnificent albino king cobra that I got while visiting a cousin of mine in India.” Said Sarai, getting slightly huffy.

“Your parents let you have a COBRA?!” exclaimed Yo.

“Well, no. I don’t have any parents. And besides, I’m an adult, I can take care of myself thank you. I’ve never been bitten.” Replied Sarai.

“Okay, for your own safety I’m afraid we’ll have to either keep you here or go back with you.” Said Gackt.

“Okay, enough of this chit-chat. We have to get to the Wicked Bitch’s castle and we don’t even know where it is!” said Miyavi.

“Not only that, but I’m starving and exhausted!” said Pomme. “We haven’t slept almost since we got here, except for passing out and being trapped in the Pink Room at the Welcome center!”

“I agree with Pomme. We need to find a place to sleep and get some food.” Said Yo, being the adult of the group.

“I think I can help you with that!” said a voice. They turned around and found Trent standing by the ornate doors. “I can actually help you find the Bitch’s castle too. I have a map. I’ll give you guys some food and a place to sleep tonight if you will do me a favor.”

“What’s the favor?” asked Pomme with trepidation.

“I need someone to help me with feed the animals around here before we all go to bed.”

“Oh well that shouldn’t be…” started Sarai.

“Don’t even THINK about finishing that sentence, Sarai.” Interrupted the rest of the group.

“How many animals are there?” asked Gackt.

“Only five. One man-eating rabbit, one lesbian tiger, one de-winged flying platypi, a fire-breathing cow and a unicorn.”

“I’m not even going to ask how you got these animals.” Said Pomme.

“Can I have the tiger?!” quipped Sarai.

“Hell No!” exclaimed Yo and with that they followed Trent to the animal houses.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter One)

Current mood: Awake

Chapter One: The Storm


Once, a long time before either of us was born, there lived a young woman named Pomegranate Shiroyama. Pomegranate, or Pomme as she was more often called, lived in a fantastically tiny village in Japan with her Auntie Fawn and her Uncle Aoi, who had taken her in after her parents were killed in a terrible accident when she was three. Now, this tiny village in Japan was also home to Pomme's best friend and companion, Sarai. Sarai lived just next door all alone except for a pet snake named Shakespeare, which Pomme couldn't stand because she was afraid of snakes.


One day the radar on Auntie Fawn's computer said that a big storm was brewing and that everyone needed to stay indoors. Pomme, unfortunately, had gone out partying with a bunch of cute Korean boys who were staying in a fancy hotel in the big town next to the tiny village and did not hear about the storm coming. Auntie Fawn and Uncle Aoi searched and searched, but because Pomme had snuck out they could not even begin to guess as to where she went. Terrified for their ward, they called out into the wind and went over to Sarai's to see if she was there.


Not finding Pomme at Sarai's, they asked her to go and look for Pomme and bring her back because of the storm. When Sarai hesitated, they gave her a swift kick in the buns and sent her off with a sore bum to search for the little degenerate named Pomme.


Sarai searched everywhere, looking for her friend and, having little luck, happened to bump into a cute Korean boy who told her that Pomme and the other Korean boys were all partying in their hotel room. Quite steamed, and still having a sore bottom, Sarai stomped all over the town looking for Pomme.


By the time Sarai found her Pomegranate, the storm was already cresting the edges of the tiny village. They ran and ran, trying to find their way in the blustery wind and rain, but could not. Finally, they found their way into an empty building, where they decided to wait out the storm. It was a very rough and loud storm, raging outside and when Pomme looked out she could see all sorts of animals and people floating by on all the water and wind caused by the storm. Unfortunately, because Pomme didn't listen to Sarai and stood too close to the window, she was conked on the head by a piece of flying debris.


When Pomme finally woke up, she looked all around and realized that the storm had stopped. Sarai was passed out in a chair, her curly hair all fuzzy and frizzy from the humidity of the storm. Giggling to herself, because she is a bitch, Pomme drew a dick on Sarai's face and then woke her up.


"Sarai, the storm has stopped! Perhaps we can find our way back to Auntie Fawn's and Uncle Aoi's now." said Pomme, help her friend up from the chair. Giggling quietly to herself, Pomme went to the door and flung it open, accidentally hitting Sarai in the nose, because she wasn't paying attention, and discovered that they were not in Japan anymore.