Crisps or Crispy?

Fawn - I don't even know how to use Twitter to be absolutely honest.

Sarai - I don't either. I just go with it. lol. Its like status updates, except smaller. So just type some shit. Make it up. lol. You have to tell me how I get all these people to follow me lol. And I bought Gackt's movie. Bunraku. haven't watched it yet. Why does he have his e-mail on his twitter?

Fawn - Hahaha really?

Sarai - Yes. lol

Fawn - Because he's a silly bastard.

Sarai - I want to e-mail him now... >.>
<.< ... >.> Its not stalking if I only e-mail him once, right?
>.>

Fawn - Yes. I know you woman rofl! It's like Pringles, you can't just stop at one...
Did I seriously just compare G to a crisp...

Sarai - That's true!! But dammit he is so fucking tasty looking...

Fawn - What the fuck rofl!

Sarai - Yes you did! HONEY MUSTARD HONEYBLADE!! :D I mean pringles lol. totally pringles

Fawn - ROFLMMFAO!

Following the Pink Gibson Road

* Mood: Passionate
* Listening to: Dwarf Fortress
* Reading: Under the Poppy - Kathe Koja
* Watching: The Glass Menagerie
* Playing: HMDSC
* Eating: Lemon Bars
* Drinking: Moon Mist

If you will recall, I wrote a story about a year and a half ago called "The J-Rock Wizard of Oz". Well, I think it is about time I published it and a few of my other stories/poems.

I haven't figured out how to do this just yet, but I'm going to do some research and see what happens. I really want to show the world what I can do and I think this is the way to do it.

So, let me know what you think.

All for now, kittens.

love,
Sarai

Another dose

I fancy a Zebra with lunch, don't you? Not to EAT of course, but I do SO enjoy looking at pictures of them whilst I eat.


For those who might not know, I have uploaded 6 videos to the YouTube, so head on over there and watch them!! Here is one for your viewing pleasure.


How could anyone eat vegetables after watching such a cute little thing like VeggiTales? Really? Of course, Bob the Tomato isn't a Vegetable, he is a Fruit.


I am random today. Quite random.

One of my favorite bands is X-Japan. Its members include Yoshiki, Toshi, Pata (I love Pata!!), Heath and hide matsumoto. Well, it used to have hide in it. We miss you hide!!

Okay, I can't keep up this crazy randomness. Need time to recoop!

LATER!!

Eat Me, Beat Me, Treat Me like your Favorite Backdoor Whore!

Current mood: Luminous

ELECTRIC CUCUMBER!!! EAT ME BEAT ME TREAT ME LIKE YOUR FAVORITE BACKDOOR WHORE!!!



Some interesting things going on in the world!

In Lima, Peru someone stole a LUNG from an exhibition on human cadavers! NO KIDDING! AND they were offering $2,000 for the return of the organ. Its okay though, it's been returned, everyone can breathe easier!
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/news/article.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=10602408

A Guy misses the birth of his child because he was too busy sexually abusing the nurse trying to deliver his baby! What a creep!
http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_13527317

And this is just funny! http://www.popbitch.com/home/2009/10/05/red-pepper-news/

Some more craziness...

Current mood: Creative

Sarai: My vagina's name is Delilah because it draws your penis in like Samson

Mrs. Wilhoit: What do you think?
Sarai: The Doctors and Nurses don't know.

Sarai: *Ice Cream Zombie Sarai moves in on the unsuspecting Chocolate Ice Cream in the Freezer, it has no idea that it is about to be CONSUMED!*

Sarai: *singing* Its raining muffins, hallelujah! Its raining muffins, AMEN. I'm going to go out and get, absolutely STUFFED AND WET!!

Chris: If it was German it would've gone through that wall.
Sarai: Yeah right, if it was German it would've stopped for CAKE!

Sarai: I dreamt the toliet paper was trying to molest me and THEN it threatened to plug me up so that I wouldn't be able to go to the bathroom ever again! So I tore it into pieces and burned it.

Donnie: They created a special exhibit just for Him in the Museum of Sodomy!
Sarai: Yeah, it teaches you how to shove your head all the way up your ass!

Sarai: You are a cat perch. I shall call you CP from now on

Sarai: I COULD BE YOUR MOM!!! HONEYBLADE!

Sarai: SPARKLES! I have sparkly AIDS. Its very sad. And I infected everyone else!

Sarai: The first book says "Guide to seduction" The middle says "Everything Tantric Sex" and the last says "Getting Pregnant"

Trent: How much sugar and caffeine have you had today?
Sarai: A LOT!!! SO MUCH!! WHIPPED CREAM!!! *bounces*

Sarai: If i spray Fawn with whipped cream, can I hide out at your house?

Sarai: No the hermaphroditic part.

Sarai: Did you hear? I'm sleeping with a french mime!

Sarai: Sucks to be you right now, stuck in that chair. its okay though, I won't hurt you or anything. you just get to be my toy, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.....................................................................................................................

Sarai: Fawn ate my boob shaped chips... *sigh*

Sarai: When Fawn plays Toshi incessantly she makes me want run into the arms of Jennifer Lopez!!!

Sarai: So Fawn is going to kill me
Trent: Because you stopped resisting.
Sarai: No, because I said I wanted to dance around the house naked to Jennifer Lopez

Sarai: I cook Your food...
Fawn: So?
Sarai: Well how do you know I didn't poison it with Jennifer Lopez?

Sarai: You know, it all comes down to that epic question: am I smarter than George W. Bush?

Trent: *looks shocked*
Sarai: You know, I actually have other interests besides cross-dressing singers.

Sarai: I'm sorry, my brain isn't inside my head... its floating about with the flies.

Trent: How many times has Fawn been adopted?
Sarai: Well, Yo and my Mom... Wow, Yo and my Mom could be married... awkward
Trent: Especially with you having the hots for him.

Sarai: No reason. I'm SG (silly girl), GG (goofy girl), PB (pedantic bitch) and CG (crazy girl). I do strange things!

Sarai: Now you're just getting fawning ridiculous

Sarai: I just got gang raped poked!!
Trent: There are things I don't need to hear.

Trent: I know because I've been there.
Sarai: Did you buy the t-shirt while you were there?

Sarai: Then how does oral work?
Trent: You know I'm not comfortable explaining that.

Sarai: She's strangling me ... and now she's touching my boobs
Trent: You probably deserve it.
Sarai: I'M BEING MOLESTED!!

Trent: So let me get this straight.
Sarai: There is nothing straight about this.

Sarai: So I've been mind-fucked 4 times today... How was your day?

Sarai: And then i decided to come down from my pedestal and talk to you people
Fawny: Oh you have a pedestal...?
Sarai: Yes, yes I do. hide lent me one to see if I liked it

Sarai: I was giving Fawn a lesson in breasts today.

Sarai: Not bothered love, just dead... I mean not dead madam, just wounded. Tis only a flesh wound.... where was I?

Sarai: DAMN STRAIGHT! or crooked... either way

Fawny: Boob-gram?
Sarai: Yes, I delievered a "boob-gram" to you

Sarai: Yes, her boobs are screen squigglies. And beautiful screen squigglies they are!

Sarai: Yep, you're undead. Thus speaketh the Fawn

Sarai (ON MIDOL): Only slightly... BARELY WORTH MENTIONING! I need Coffee... do we have any coffee? I NEED MT. FUCKING DEW!!! *dances about living room in sugar craze*

Sarai (ON MIDOL): I'm not going insane... I swear... I hit my hand... I think my head hurts... fjweorur9y4hkljk;fj]]=024up *SQUEE* I HAVE SPARKLY PANTS!! *dances*

Sarai (ON MIDOL): I cna't rememebr my name right now. Sarai? name? age? ocial ecurity? _*_ Upside down!

Sarai: I GIGGLE AT THEE!! Beware my giggling!

Sarai: (ON MIDOL): Yes, precious deep breathings

Sarai: (ON MIDOL): *whispers* i see gay people!! Like "i see dead people" except the people are of the homosexual nature

Sarai: there was a bug on me...
Trent: Did it go for shelter?
Sarai: it was crawling on me
Fawny: No it didn't go after her boobs...
Sarai: and i squealed and then knocked it off. do you suppose it died?
Trent: No, it's just plotting until you aren't looking.
Sarai: oh... maybe it will grow wings like the pink spider and fly away

Sarai: Elsewhere in the world, people are eating pygmy pies made entirely of White dental floss!

Sarai: If aliens really do exist... I'll give my brother a piggyback ride to mars!

Sarai: Things could be worse: At least you're not being rectally probed by aliens.

Fawny says:
See?
Fawny says:
Cry faced...

Sam says:
just checking
Sam says:
I mean your bowel movements are extremely important to me

A Conversation with Myself
Sarai One says:
she says no, but i'm sure this is annoying
Sarai One says:
that is why she would kill me
Sarai Two says:
or us
Sarai Two says:
whichever
Sarai One says:
or maybe she'll just kill you
Sarai One says:
and leave me be
Sarai One says:
did you ever think of that?
Sarai Two says:
no, actually i didn't

Sarai says:
so i might be talking to Zombie Yog?
Yog says:
Quite possibly.
Yog says:
I feel like a zombie.
Yog says:
But I dreamed about vampires ... so you never know.
Sarai says:
I'm so very sorry. Art thou hungry for brains?
Yog says:
No, and strangely not thirsty either.
Sarai says:
yep, you're undead. thus speaketh the fawn

The Three Little Pigs (A K-Pop Fairy Tale) (a rough draft)

Current mood: Adventurous

Once upon a time, before the world knew the brilliance of hideto matsumoto, there were three little girls. These girls were named Sarai, Pomegranate and Fawny.

One day these girls decided to build themselves houses in various parts of the world. Sarai decided to build her house out of straw in China. Pomegranate decided to build her house out of sticks in Korea. And Fawny decided to build her house out of bricks in Japan.

Shortly after the completion of her straw house, Sarai heard someone calling outside.

"Little girl, little girl let me come in!" said the sexy voice. Sarai looked out the window and saw Jaejoong, of DBSK, dressed in a wolf costume.

Giggling to herself, she called back,

"Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin. Though I don't have any, I will not let you in!"

"Then I will huff," began Jaejoong.

"Yes?" replied Sarai.

"And I will puff," continued Jaejoong.

"Uh huh!" said Sarai.

"And I'll blow your house in!"

"Well, that was a bit of a disappointment. That will never do, I worked hard on this house!" cried Sarai.

"Then let me in!" replied Jaejoong, coming closer to the door and looking particularly cute.

"No."

"Then I'll blow your house in!"

And with a huff and a puff, Jaejoong sang one pure muiscal note that blew the house in.

With her house blown to smithereens, Sarai hopped on a train and fled to Pomegranate's house in Korea.

Pomegranate and Sarai were sitting in the living room of the stick house sipping on some hot cocoa when there was a sexy voice heard outside.

"Little girls, little girls let me come in!"

Pomegranate looked out the window and then looked at Sarai.

"You ran AWAY from him? God, I'd let him blow my house in and eat me any day!" with that Pomegranate flung open the door to her house and was promptly carried away by Jaejoong. The last Sarai ever saw of her, Pomegranate was kissing her captor and apparently quite content. However, Sarai was not content and hopped a train to Japan.

When she arrived at Fawny's brick fortress in Japan, she felt quite safe and decided it was okay to let her guard down. Apparently not, for right as she was getting settled in they heard a sexy voice saying,

"Little girls, little girls, let me come in!"

Fawn peered out the window of the brick house and said,

"Not by a non-existant hair on my mother-fuckin' chin!"

"Then I'll huff," began Jaejoong.

"You know, I thought it was going to be sexier when he started saying that." said Sarai.

"And I'll puff," continued Jaejoong.

"Well, dear. Never trust a man in a wolf costume. Even if he is Asian." replied Fawny.

"And I'll blow your house in!" finished Jaejoong.

"I'd like to see you try!" called Fawny, sitting back and turning up her J-Rock.

So Jaejoong, quite perturbed as he was looking forward to seducing three girls instead of just the one, huffed and puffed and let his musical note fly. But nothing happened.

"Is that the best you have?" called Fawny, clutching her sides and laughing.

So he tried again. And failed again. After about an hour, his throat started to get sore and he decided it was all a lost cause. Though this was not a complete failure of a mission, he still had a delicious Pomegranate waiting for him at home. With that thought he loped off.

And they ALL lived happily ever after. ^^


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After note by the author:

This story is in no way meant for little children. EVER! lol. I would also like to point out that, with the exception of Fawny, I think we all wouldn't mind if Jaejoong just showed up to blow down the house and eat us. Well, all the females anyway... Another thing, I don't know if I like how this turned out, but I will re-write it and trim it up and then do it again. But this is to keep you occupied until that time! ^^

Random Obsessions...

Current mood: Chipper

You may often think to yourself (when you are watching the show), What the hell is wrong with us... Well here are a few other things you might wonder about:

What is up with Sarai's obsession with the Platypus? She brings it up quite often...

Sarai's Response?

How can you resist something that fucking cute?!




Seriously?! Just look at those cute little bills and those adorable little claws and that funny little tail and you should know why Sarai is a lover of them.

Besides, her love is pure, kind of like Shawn Spencer's love of Pineapples on the show Psych.
And who can blame him, Pineapples are pretty frickin' amazing.


Then of course there is Pomegranate's obsession with K-Pop. Once again we would like to point out the following:





















We dare you to find someone cuter!! Okay, well there are some that are cuter, well not really cute but HOT! That brings us to the obsession with J-Rock... Well, We just can't help that.











And, for the record, Sarai would like to say that she DOES not HAVE an ADDICTION to KOREAN DRAMAS. None whatsoever.

So, from a purple cloud somewhere in the south-eastern-northern hemisphere of St. Johnny's (Depp that is) mind, we of the Crazy Show are OVER AND OUT!!

J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter Thirteen)

Current mood: Crazy

Chapter Thirteen: Getting back Home Again


“So, I hear you have brought me the Button.” Said the booming voice.


“Yes, we killed her with tofu. Who knew something so delicious could be so deadly.” Said Sarai, shrugging her shoulders. The rest of the group looked at her as if she had lost her marbles, then focused their attention back on the wizard’s voice.


“Good. Well, come back in a few weeks and I’ll let you know if I’ll help you.”


“What?!” cried Pomme. “We went through all that trouble and you aren’t even going to help us?! You bastard.”


Just then Sarai noticed a curtain. Behind this curtain stood a shadow. A shadow with very eccentric hair, sticking out at all angles. Tip-toeing over she pulled back the curtain to reveal a short man, well obviously he was taller than Sarai, but shorter than everyone else in the room.


“Who are you?” demanded the group in unison.


“Why, I’m the wizard.” Replied the man.


“You don’t look like a wizard to me. Well, you do have the crazy hair down I suppose. Though, are wizards supposed to have that shade of orange in their hair?” said Pomme.


“What’s wrong with Orange?” asked the man indignantly.


“Nothing. Who are?” replied Sarai hastily.


“I’m Ruki. The wizard of J-Rock.”


“And you aren’t going to help us get home even though we just almost got eaten by a psycho bitch obsessed with shoes?” asked Sarai.


“No. I’m not. Because I don’t know how. You see, I lied. I’m not really the Wizard of J-Rock. I just pretend that I am. So far nobody has disputed my claim to the Wizard-hood, so I’m fine. I can’t help you get home at all. I’m a terrible person.” With this Ruki hung his head in shame and scuffed his shoes on the floor.


“Well if you aren’t the Wizard who is? And why did you want Twink’s button? And how the hell are we supposed to get home?” asked Pomme.


“Actually, you’ve already met the wizard. The wizard is hide. I wanted Twink’s button because it controls the flying platypi and, seriously, who doesn’t want an army of flying platypi at their disposal? And as to how you are to get home you will have to ask hide. I have no answers.” With this Ruki took the button and disappeared leaving the group alone to contemplate what he had said.


“Now, we’ll never get home.” Cried Pomme, slumping down against a wall.


“It’s okay Pomme, we’ll figure something out. Maybe we can find where hide has band practice and make him tell us how to get home.” Replied Sarai, leaning over to hug Pomme.


As the guys all slumped against the wall to hug the girls a bright pink bubble appeared in the middle of the room. With a burst of pink light hide appeared.


“So, I heard you still haven’t figured out how to use the magic in the shoes. I thought you were smart enough, but apparently not.” hide crouched down in front of Pomme, lighting a cigarette. “Don’t cry. I’ll tell you how to get home. You’ll need to stand up though.”


“Are you kidding? I don’t know if I can get up!” said Pomme, using Sarai and Gackt to boost her upward. “Okay, what do I do to get home?”


“Click your heels and whisper ‘There’s no place like Japan, There’s no place like Japan’ and you’ll be home. Oh and you sprinkle this pink spider glitter on yourselves.”


“And you couldn’t tell us that at the beginning why?!” cried Sarai.


“Well that wouldn’t have been any fun now would it? I knew you guys would make it, it was just fun to watch. I have a big screen crystal square and it gets great reception on you guys.”


“Wow. That was kind of a dick move, dude.” Said Pomme. She turned toward Sarai and the guys and gave a half smile. “Well, I guess it’s time to say our good-byes.”


First she hugged Yo, then Miyavi and finally Gackt.


“I think I’ll miss you most of all.” She whispered.


“What was that?” asked Yo and Miyavi.


“Nothing. Innocent, I’m innocent!” giggled Pomme, giving everyone another hug. After her second hug, Pomme flung some of the glitter into the air so that it settled on her and Sarai.


“AH!” exclaimed Yo. “You got some in my fur! Do you know how hard it is to glitter out of fur?! Fuck!”


“Oops. Sorry Yo!” said Pomme, trying to stifle a giggle. “Well Sarai, hug everyone so we can get out of here. I have had enough of these shoes!”


“Fine, fine.” Said Sarai. She then proceeded to hug Gackt, Miyavi and lastly Yo.


“You know, I was thinking. Maybe if I kissed you, you would turn back into a prince.” With that Sarai kissed Yo’s cheek. Lo and behold the magic worked and Yoshiki was turned back into a handsome prince.


“Thank You.” He said. “We will never ever forget you.”


With a few tears and a few more hugs, the girls held each other’s hands, closed their eyes, clicked their heels and whispered.


“Um, aren’t you forgetting the glitter?” said hide.


“We just did the glitter!” said Pomme.


“Well you need more of it! God, got to do everything myself.” Replied hide, snatching the glitter he flung it all over the girls.


When they opened their eyes, they were in the abandoned house they had ridden to the world of J-Rock, unharmed and full of wonder at their adventures.


When they finally made their way back to Auntie Fawn’s they were both given a severe scolding and several hugs.


“Oh, Auntie Fawn,” said Pomme. “I had the most wonderful dream and met the most wonderful people. And now I know, there is no place like Japan.”


THE END

J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter Eight)

Current mood: Amused

Chapter Eight: Finding the City, Past the Poppies

“Damn them!” screamed Twink as she stared into her giant crystal triangle. “They should have died by now, but they are still going toward the city. At this rate they will find the city and meet the Wizard and it’ll be Goodbye Magical Shoes. Must come up with a plan.”

“Excuse me, your Wickedness.” Said a timid voice.

“What is it now?!” roared Twink, turning on a small, nervous chipmunk.

“Well, it’s just that I think I know what you should do.” Replied the chipmunk, shrinking back.

“What is that?”

“The field of Poppies. The one about two miles outside of the Pink Star City. You could use some of your magic on it to stop them.”

Twink pondered this a moment, then gingerly patted the chipmunk’s head.

“Good job, Hiroto. You won’t be eaten after all. Go, fetch all the flying platypi and prepare them. If this doesn’t work, I will be needing them.”

With that, the chipmunk scampered off and Twink began to prepare the spell to terrorize our young heroes.

Meanwhile, the group was exhausted, walking on very little sleep and sore feet. They finally stopped for a break about a mile away from the field of Poppies Twink and Hiroto had been discussing.

These poppies were not like the poppies we know, these poppies were J-Rock poppies, meaning that they were already magical on their own. Twink was going to twist their magic and use it against the adventurers. The field of poppies stretched for several miles in either direction, just rows and rows of beautiful bright red flowers. Within each flower was a single tear-shaped black pearl that could protect you from harm, disguising you and even turning you invisible.

After a short rest, the group began to enter into the field of poppies. As they got a little bit further in, Pomme, Sarai and Yo began to feel very ill. When they looked pieces of them were missing. Pomme could see through her stomach, Sarai was missing her legs and Yo couldn’t find his tail.

“Oh no! Sarai, what are we going to do?!” cried Pomme, feeling quite faint.

“I don’t know, Pomme! I don’t know! Oh god, Help!”

All of them began to cry out for help, though, as Gackt eventually pointed out, there was no one within miles to hear them. Pieces of Pomme, Sarai and Yo kept disappearing until they were nothing but talking heads lying amidst the flowers.

“What are we going to do Gackt? We can’t just let them disappear! We have to do something!” cried Miyavi.

“I don’t know what we can do! HELP! HELP!”

Just then a large shower of pink spider sparkles began to fall in the form of pink snowflakes. As the pink snow covered the group, Pomme, Sarai and Yo began to regain their bodies. Once they had all of their limbs they all hugged and ran as quickly as they could out of the field of Poppies.

As they emerged from the field they saw a huge city shaped like a giant pink star rising out of the earth.

“Look!” shouted Sarai. “The Pink Star City!”

“Let’s hurry!” exclaimed Pomme.

So they all took hands and began to skip toward the city.

“Damn it!” cried Twink, as she once again stared into her crystal triangle. “They’ve had help from that stupid hide matsumoto, Mr. Good Witch himself.”

Pacing back and forth, Twink began to formulate a new plan, one that couldn’t fail.

When they were about halfway to the city, Sarai looked up and noticed a large object flying just a short distance above their heads. Upon closer inspection, Sarai realized that it was something like the airplanes they had in Japan, only this one was slightly smaller and shaped more like a flying platypus.

"Um, guys..." Sarai stopped short and pointed. "What the hell is that?"

Pomme and the guys stopped and all looked up. Then they all began to run as the flying object dropped down and began to try to hit them. They all dove to the ground, as the flying machine pulled a "North by Northwest" move, flying scant inches above their prone bodies.

"Damn that was close. We better hurry or we aren't going to make it to the city alive!" cried Gackt, then he grabbed Sarai and Pomme's hands and dragged them up.

The flying machine swerved in the air, turning around to try and squish the adventurers. This time, it flew so low that one of the wings scooped up Pomme and Sarai, only picking up Sarai because she was holding on to Pomme like the world was going to end. As it tried to pull away, Miyavi, Gackt and Yo all grabbed hold of the back of the machine and pulled themselves up.

"Quick! Somebody take over the controls!" cried Yo, struggling to hold on. Pomme and Sarai found what looked like a cockpit and saw a Chipmunk, with a flying helmet on, steering.

"So, that's what she meant when she said she had flying platypi led by a flying chipmunk!" said Sarai.

Hiroto the chipmunk looked up at the girls and squealed, jumping up from behind the steering wheel. He then jumped out of the cockpit and pulled a chord releasing his giant parachute, so that he began to float back down to the Pink Gibson Road.

"Well, that was a dick move," said Pomme. "Now what are we going to do? I don't know how to fly anything!"

Sarai took hold of the wheel and began to pull up on it, but to no avail.

"Damn, that always works in the movies." she said.

"This isn't a movie Sarai! We are about to die horribly if we don't figure something out now!"

Then Gackt came in, some blood trickling down his lip.

"I'll do it," he said. "I used to fly things like this before I got turned into a statue." He then took the wheel and the girls scampered back up to where Miyavi and Yo were.

When they got up they saw Yo and Miyavi fighting off a dozen flying platypi, diving and swooping, trying to knock the guys down. The girls looked around for something to use as a weapon, but found nothing. Then all the sudden the flying machine did a nose dive leaving the platypi in a stream of smoke. Everyone held on tightly as the plane continued to plummet to the ground.

With a loud bang, the plane and passengers crashed through a pink glass ceiling over the city and into the middle of town. Everyone stopped to stare at the strangers in the flying machine.

"Um, Hi." said Sarai, just before she and the others passed out from exhaustion.

J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter Three)

Current mood: Bitchy

Chapter Three: The Wicked Bitch Arrives


Just then there was a big explosion of horrible fashion, hypocrisy and too much perfume and in front of hide stood a woman. You could tell that this woman had been pretty, once. Now she was just a glob of out of date fashion, scented with way too much perfume and a fading "Meat is Murder" button attached to her left boob, which was so full of silicon that she could've created an entire Barbie Doll army. On her right boob was a grease stain from the hamburger that was still stuck in her teeth and her hair was a rainbow of colors that should never EVER exist.


"Well, if it isn't the other Wicked Bitch. Girls, this is Twink, Wicked Bitch of the West, Wicked Bitch of the East's little sister. You couldn't, perhaps, get back in your flying house and squish this one too could you?" asked hide.


"Pretty sure that isn't how it works hide." replied Sarai.


"Who killed my sister?! Who did it?" Twink looked at the girls and pointed a greasy, half eaten, chicken leg at them. Then, looking at what she had in her hand she tossed it into the sparkly flowers.


"They killed your sister, Twink. What are you going to do about it? Grease them up and eat them?" asked hide, lighting another cigarette.


Focusing her attention on hide, Twink seemed to forget that her sister was dead and that there were some magical shoes waiting to be taken. Typical bad guy, never pays attention.


"Silly hide, I don't eat meat. Meat is Murder, you should know that. I work with PETA, I am a vegan." said Twink in a really syrupy sweet voice.


"Really? So, what is that stuck in-between your rotting teeth? Is that... Why, yes it is! It's Cow meat. If Meat is Murder, you are a murderer!"


Twink twisted her bulging torso to face the voice that had said those words, her wrath-filled gaze falling on Pomme. Pomme gave a silly smile and then once again hid behind Sarai.


"Well," huffed Twink. "I've never been so insulted in all my life. Just give me my sister's magic shoes and I'll be on my merry little way."


"Well, you can't have them." replied hide.


"Why Not?!" screamed Twink.


"Because the rightful owner is wearing them. Just look!" with that, hide pointed at Pomme's feet which were now encased inside nine inches of electric blue heels.


At first Pomme was as stunned as anyone, then she began trying to tug them off exclaiming "EW, EW! I have a dead woman's shoes on my feet! EW! EW, EW!"


Thankfully, Sarai stopped Pomme, otherwise this would be the end of our story.


"You bitch!" exclaimed Twink. "Give me back those shoes! I bought those for her at a sale, they should come to me!" Twink reached toward the shoes, but before she could touch them hide played a chord on his magical guitar that caused the shoes to shock Twink's grubby hands.


"Be gone. They belong to her now and you have no power here. Besides, I have to get out of here soon, I have a magical band rehearsal to get to."


"Fine, I'll go," said Twink. "But keep this in mind, I'll get you..."


"My pretty, yeah I know, I know. And my pocket mom too. I know the gist." interrupted Pomme.


Then, with a flash of stale glitter, Twink was gone, leaving only the stench of her perfume and a half eaten chicken leg behind.


As soon as Twink was gone, hide turned and looked at the girls expectantly. He lit another cigarette and took a puff, waiting for someone to say something. Pomme was still worrying over having a dead woman’s shoes on her feet but Sarai was ignoring her.


“So, what are you going to do now?” asked hide.


“Um, not really sure. Maybe you could tell us how to get home?” replied Sarai.


“Well, actually, I was thinking I could just give you the general direction and leave it at that. My band practice starts in five.” A magic hot pink bubble suddenly appeared beside him and he threw away his cigarette. “If I were you, I would take the Pink Gibson Road, to Pink Star City. The Wizard of J-Rock lives there. He should be able to help you. By the way, just in case you don’t quite understand, the Pink Gibson road is the only road here and it is paved with pink Gibson guitars. Have fun! Nice meeting you, hope you survive.”


“Wait a minute! You said you would tell us how to get home!” Pomme cried, wobbling toward hide and the bubble.


“Yeah, you’re right. But I have to go. I don’t have time to explain it to you. Just follow the Pink Gibson Road. You’ll figure it out.” And with that hide got in his bubble and sped off, leaving a trail of pink spider shaped sparkles behind.


“Well, that was just fantastic. What if the munchkins come back?” asked Pomme.


“I don’t know, but looks like this is the start of the Pink Gibson Road, so let’s go.” With that, Sarai took Pomme’s hand and helped her walk along the first swirl of the Pink Gibson Road.

J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter Two)

Current mood: Chipper

Chapter Two: “Sarai, I Don’t Think We’re in Japan Anymore.”


Outside of the door were very beautiful and tall statues of very androgynous people, so very androgynous that the pair had a very hard time figuring out if they were girl statues or boy statues. Beside these statues were tall, gaudy, flowers that spat sparkles into the air every time one of them tried to pick one. Slightly frightened, Pomme turned to her friend and said,


"Sarai, I don't think we're in Japan anymore."


Sarai calmly replied, "No shit, Sherlock! Does this look like Japan to you?!"


"No, I was trying to be Dorothy. You know, from the Wizard of Oz? I was making the line 'We aren't in Kansas anymore, Toto' fit our situation."


"Oh. Well, you are doing a crappy job, your hair isn't in braids and you aren't wearing the right outfit. I mean you don't even have a dog!"


"Yes I do! You’re my Toto!" Pomme ducked as Sarai swung at her and giggled hysterically as she ran toward a flower vomiting sparkles all over the place.


"So," said Pomme. "Where do you think we are Toto?"


"I am NOT your fucking Toto! And I have no clue."


All the sudden, the girls heard a trio of giggles coming from the sparkle spewing flowers. Pomme looked at Sarai and Sarai looked at Pomme.


"Are flowers that throw up sparkles supposed to giggle in threes?" asked Pomme.


"I don't know." replied Sarai, shrugging her shoulders.


"Why don't you go and check?" asked Pomme, coming up behind Sarai and shoving her towards the giggling vegetation.


"Scaredy cat," muttered Sarai, finding a stick and stretching to poke at one of the flowers. When she did this, a tiny person popped up from behind the flowers and smiled really big.


"Hi! I'm Yomi! And I'm a Munchkin! I'm a happy Munchkin!" It said. "You killed the Wicked Bitch of the East!"


"Okay, dude," said Sarai. "We didn't kill anyone and you can't prove it!"


"Yes I can!" replied the little person that called itself Yomi. "Come on, I will show you."


Coming out from behind the flowers, Yomi took Sarai's hand, as she was closest to its size, and took her over to where the abandoned house had landed. Peeking out just under the really crappy white trim was a pair of feet with nine inch electric blue heels on its feet.


"Well, crap. You said Wicked Bitch of the East? So that's a good thing right? Do we get a parade and cookies or something?" asked Pomme, edging closer to Sarai and Yomi.


"Actually, you must be sacrificed because the Wicked Bitch of the East was our leader. Get them boys!" just as he shouted that two other munchkins came up and grabbed Sarai and Pomme, dragging them over to some wooden poles surrounded by loads of firewood.


"Did you notice these when we first got out of the Crazy House?" whispered Pomme to Sarai.


"No. Pretty sure those weren't there before."


The Munchkins then proceeded to tie Pomme and Sarai to the wooden poles and begin to light the wood for the fire. The one that called itself Yomi smiled the biggest as the other two lit the kindling. As he smiled Sarai noticed that he had three huge fangs pointing out of his cute little mouth. One on the left of his front teeth, one on the right and one directly in-between his two front teeth. What had been an adorably androgynous munchkin had suddenly turned into one scary creature.


"Did you notice the fangs when that Munchkin first started talking to us?" asked Sarai.


"Fangs? What fangs?!" replied Pomme, panicking slightly.


"Oh, you didn't notice. Never mind."


Just then a hot pink bubble appeared and out stepped a man not much taller than the munchkins. This man was different than the Munchkins though, because on his back you could tell he had tried to sew fairy wings, it was an obviously failed attempt. This man had bright pink hair, big yellow shoes and an electric green suit, with purple fairy wings sewn haphazardly on the back. Pulling out a beautiful guitar, the man played a chord, that the munchkins apparently couldn't stand, that put out the fire and chased away the evil little midgets. It also untied the girls and made all the sacrifice equipment disappear.


Pulling out a cigarette, the man casually leaned against one of the statues and made his guitar disappear.


"Thanks a lot, mister." said the girls, in stereo.


"How did you get to this land?" asked the man, pulling a drag off of his cigarette and running a hand through his hair.


"Well, there was this really bad storm where we're from and somehow we got transported here. Have you ever seen The Wizard of Oz? Yeah, that's kind of how it happened." replied Pomme.

For a moment, the man just stared at her, and then started laughing. "Well, you did me a favor. I've been trying to get rid of that stupid bitch for YEARS! Never knew that I had to drop a house on her ass to get rid of her. So, I owe you one favor. I can tell you how to get back to where you are from, I can teach you to play a magical guitar or I can give you some candy. Your choice."


Pomme began to speak, but Sarai cut her off, saying, "Well, first I think we'd like to know your name, before we start asking favors."


"My name is hide. That is he-day, and it is spelled like hide with a lower case h. Capitalize that H and we are going to have issues. What about your names?"


"Well, I'm Pomegranate, but you can call me Pomme and this is Toto. I mean, Sarai. I totally meant Sarai." Pomme began to giggle and Sarai shot her the look of death when hide looked at Sarai's forehead.


"So, Sarai, it was Sarai? Why do you have a dick tattoo on your head?"

"Dick tattoo?" asked Sarai. Her hand went up to her forehead and came back with the marker that Pomme had used to draw the dick. She looked at Pomme and growled, "You drew a Dick on my forehead?! We could've died and you are drawing penises on my forehead! I'm going to kill you!"


Lunging at Pomme, Sarai tripped and fell to the ground, which was the perfect angle for her to see the shoes the Wicked Bitch had been wearing before she bit the big one.


"Hey, hide, what about the shoes? I mean, they have to have some magic right?"


"Well, yeah they have magic. This is the world of J-Rock."


"J-Rock, what's that?" asked Pomme. Now it was hide's turn to give a dirty look, cringing Pomme hid behind Toto, I mean Sarai. She hid behind Sarai.


"You don't know about J-Rock? Why, this is the land of J-Rock from where you stand to the Pink Star City far to the West. Have you never heard of the forest of Guitars? Or the fields of Androgyny?"


"Um, going to have to say no on that one." replied Pomme. "But I would love to learn more about you and this place. I'm a big fan of androgyny."