J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter Four)

Chapter Four: Meeting the Miyavi Scarecrow


They walked for what felt like hours when they finally came to a crossroad. They looked to the left, then to the right and then straight ahead. Slightly dismayed they looked around for a road-side assistance booth, but quickly gave that up because this wasn’t Japan. Finally, Pomme plopped down on the side of the road and tried to think.


“You know, it would’ve been nice if hide would’ve told us which way to go if we came to a crossroad. Now what do we do?” asked Sarai.


“Well, you could go that way!” said a voice.


“Who said that?”Asked Pomme.


"Or you could go this way?" said the voice again.


"Where are you?!" asked Sarai, irritably.


"Over here, silly!" replied the voice.


The girls looked around, but only saw a feminine looking scarecrow standing in a big field of neon purple street lamps. This scarecrow was also very unique compared to the scarecrows back in that tiny village in Japan. This scarecrow was wearing a baggy pair of black pants and a long sleeve black shirt that seemed to have chains and straps hanging from it like a straight-jacket. The scarecrow's hair was rainbow colored and spiked in every direction, with a lip ring on his bottom lip.


"Did that scarecrow talk?" asked Sarai.


"I hope not, because that's usually a very bad thing in horror movies." replied Pomme.


"Oh, I agree," remarked the voice. "But I promise not to hurt you!"


The girls stared at one another, then looked over at the scarecrow. The scarecrow smiled and winked, causing the girls to do a double take.


"What the hell? First homicidal androgynous munchkins, then good fairies in hot pink bubbles with crooked purple wings, THEN a pink road with guitar shaped bricks and NOW a talking scarecrow! What next?!" exclaimed Sarai.


"Any chance you could get me down from here?" asked the scarecrow.


"I suppose so," replied Sarai. "There really isn't anything else we are supposed to be doing. How did you get stuck up there anyway?"


"Well, this field belongs to the Wicked Bitch of the West. So she decided to make me, then place me here to scare away the munchkins and their crazy friends. The problem is that the munchkins nailed me to this post so I couldn't chase them. So, they throw wild parties and I get blamed."


"Well, that's an interesting reason. We met the Wicked Bitch and she doesn't seem very nice. By the way, I don't have a hammer to pull out the nails. What should I do?" said Pomme, stumbling in her nine inch heels. Just as she began to lose her balance she grabbed the post to steady herself. Unfortunately the post wasn't strong enough to hold the scarecrow and Pomme and it fell over, splintering into little pieces and freeing the scarecrow.


"Well, that worked. Good Job Pomme!" said Sarai.


"You shut up, bitch. Help me up!" cried Pomme.


Sarai held out her hands and pulled up Pomme, the scarecrow began to pick off some stray pieces of straw.


"So, Scarecrow, what is your name?" asked Sarai.


"Miyavi. Or V for short. Or M-Y-V. Or... um... how about just Miyavi? Does that work?"


"Yeah, it works. I'm Pomegranate, but you can call me Pomme."


"And I'm Sarai," started Sarai.


"Or you could call her Toto!" interrupted Pomme.


"Toto?" asked Miyavi.


"Ignore her! Do you know which way we should go? We are going to see the Wizard of J-Rock in the Pink Star City to see if he can help us get back home." replied Sarai.


Miyavi shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.


“I don’t know anything at all. When I was made the Wicked Bitch made me without any internal organs, including that thing in your head… you know what I mean?”


“A brain?” asked Pomme.


“Yeah, a brain! She made me without one of those too! Actually, to be brutally honest, I have no idea how I’m even considered a living being without any internal clock work…” the scarecrow paused a moment, as if considering something important. “Do you have any cookies?”


“What?” asked Sarai, astonished.


“What?” repeated Miyavi.


“No, I mean, what did you say?” said Sarai.


“No, I mean, what did you say?” asked Miyavi.


“Pomme, I think we have a problem.” Sarai turned toward Pomme, who was stifling a giggle.


“Pomme, I think we have a problem.” Repeated the scarecrow, turning toward Pomme as well and putting his hands on his hips.


“Sarai, I think you should give him a cookie. Maybe he’ll stop if you give him a cookie.” Replied Pomme.


“I don’t have a cookie! Besides, he just got done saying he has no internal organs, so how the hell is he supposed to digest this cookie if I give it to him?” hissed Sarai.


Miyavi looked puzzled, cocking his head to the right. Then he sat down and closed his eyes, lifting his face to the sun. Sarai stopped and looked, as did Pomme.


“What is he doing?” whispered Sarai.


“Do I look like a freaking encyclopedia, Sarai?”


“Sh! I’m thinking!” said Miyavi.


“But V, how can you think if you have no brain?” asked Pomme, gently.


He shrugged slightly, keeping his eyes closed and his face toward the suddenly very sparkly sky. Then he smiled and stood up again.


“So, can I go with you to the Pink Star City?”


“Why? Do you need something that you think the J-Rock Wizard can give you?” asked Sarai.


“Nope. I just want to come along. It is boring watching over a field of neon purple street lamps. Who plants neon purple street lights in a field?!” replied Miyavi, skipping all around Sarai and Pomme.


“Aw, come on Sarai! Let him come along. He is so cute! And besides, maybe he’ll recognize something from when he was first brought this way.” Begged Pomme.


Sarai sighed, then looked at Pomme and Miyavi who were giving her the puppy dog face. She tried not to smile at them, but found she couldn’t hide it.


“Fine. He can come.”


“Yes!” shouted Miyavi and Pomme, they then high-fived and Pomme had to hold on to Miyavi as she almost fell off of her shoes for the millionth time.


So, the three of them linked arms, mainly to keep Pomme from falling and hurting herself, and began to walk down a randomly chosen road paved with pink guitars.

J-Rock Wizard of Oz (Chapter Two)

Current mood: Chipper

Chapter Two: “Sarai, I Don’t Think We’re in Japan Anymore.”


Outside of the door were very beautiful and tall statues of very androgynous people, so very androgynous that the pair had a very hard time figuring out if they were girl statues or boy statues. Beside these statues were tall, gaudy, flowers that spat sparkles into the air every time one of them tried to pick one. Slightly frightened, Pomme turned to her friend and said,


"Sarai, I don't think we're in Japan anymore."


Sarai calmly replied, "No shit, Sherlock! Does this look like Japan to you?!"


"No, I was trying to be Dorothy. You know, from the Wizard of Oz? I was making the line 'We aren't in Kansas anymore, Toto' fit our situation."


"Oh. Well, you are doing a crappy job, your hair isn't in braids and you aren't wearing the right outfit. I mean you don't even have a dog!"


"Yes I do! You’re my Toto!" Pomme ducked as Sarai swung at her and giggled hysterically as she ran toward a flower vomiting sparkles all over the place.


"So," said Pomme. "Where do you think we are Toto?"


"I am NOT your fucking Toto! And I have no clue."


All the sudden, the girls heard a trio of giggles coming from the sparkle spewing flowers. Pomme looked at Sarai and Sarai looked at Pomme.


"Are flowers that throw up sparkles supposed to giggle in threes?" asked Pomme.


"I don't know." replied Sarai, shrugging her shoulders.


"Why don't you go and check?" asked Pomme, coming up behind Sarai and shoving her towards the giggling vegetation.


"Scaredy cat," muttered Sarai, finding a stick and stretching to poke at one of the flowers. When she did this, a tiny person popped up from behind the flowers and smiled really big.


"Hi! I'm Yomi! And I'm a Munchkin! I'm a happy Munchkin!" It said. "You killed the Wicked Bitch of the East!"


"Okay, dude," said Sarai. "We didn't kill anyone and you can't prove it!"


"Yes I can!" replied the little person that called itself Yomi. "Come on, I will show you."


Coming out from behind the flowers, Yomi took Sarai's hand, as she was closest to its size, and took her over to where the abandoned house had landed. Peeking out just under the really crappy white trim was a pair of feet with nine inch electric blue heels on its feet.


"Well, crap. You said Wicked Bitch of the East? So that's a good thing right? Do we get a parade and cookies or something?" asked Pomme, edging closer to Sarai and Yomi.


"Actually, you must be sacrificed because the Wicked Bitch of the East was our leader. Get them boys!" just as he shouted that two other munchkins came up and grabbed Sarai and Pomme, dragging them over to some wooden poles surrounded by loads of firewood.


"Did you notice these when we first got out of the Crazy House?" whispered Pomme to Sarai.


"No. Pretty sure those weren't there before."


The Munchkins then proceeded to tie Pomme and Sarai to the wooden poles and begin to light the wood for the fire. The one that called itself Yomi smiled the biggest as the other two lit the kindling. As he smiled Sarai noticed that he had three huge fangs pointing out of his cute little mouth. One on the left of his front teeth, one on the right and one directly in-between his two front teeth. What had been an adorably androgynous munchkin had suddenly turned into one scary creature.


"Did you notice the fangs when that Munchkin first started talking to us?" asked Sarai.


"Fangs? What fangs?!" replied Pomme, panicking slightly.


"Oh, you didn't notice. Never mind."


Just then a hot pink bubble appeared and out stepped a man not much taller than the munchkins. This man was different than the Munchkins though, because on his back you could tell he had tried to sew fairy wings, it was an obviously failed attempt. This man had bright pink hair, big yellow shoes and an electric green suit, with purple fairy wings sewn haphazardly on the back. Pulling out a beautiful guitar, the man played a chord, that the munchkins apparently couldn't stand, that put out the fire and chased away the evil little midgets. It also untied the girls and made all the sacrifice equipment disappear.


Pulling out a cigarette, the man casually leaned against one of the statues and made his guitar disappear.


"Thanks a lot, mister." said the girls, in stereo.


"How did you get to this land?" asked the man, pulling a drag off of his cigarette and running a hand through his hair.


"Well, there was this really bad storm where we're from and somehow we got transported here. Have you ever seen The Wizard of Oz? Yeah, that's kind of how it happened." replied Pomme.

For a moment, the man just stared at her, and then started laughing. "Well, you did me a favor. I've been trying to get rid of that stupid bitch for YEARS! Never knew that I had to drop a house on her ass to get rid of her. So, I owe you one favor. I can tell you how to get back to where you are from, I can teach you to play a magical guitar or I can give you some candy. Your choice."


Pomme began to speak, but Sarai cut her off, saying, "Well, first I think we'd like to know your name, before we start asking favors."


"My name is hide. That is he-day, and it is spelled like hide with a lower case h. Capitalize that H and we are going to have issues. What about your names?"


"Well, I'm Pomegranate, but you can call me Pomme and this is Toto. I mean, Sarai. I totally meant Sarai." Pomme began to giggle and Sarai shot her the look of death when hide looked at Sarai's forehead.


"So, Sarai, it was Sarai? Why do you have a dick tattoo on your head?"

"Dick tattoo?" asked Sarai. Her hand went up to her forehead and came back with the marker that Pomme had used to draw the dick. She looked at Pomme and growled, "You drew a Dick on my forehead?! We could've died and you are drawing penises on my forehead! I'm going to kill you!"


Lunging at Pomme, Sarai tripped and fell to the ground, which was the perfect angle for her to see the shoes the Wicked Bitch had been wearing before she bit the big one.


"Hey, hide, what about the shoes? I mean, they have to have some magic right?"


"Well, yeah they have magic. This is the world of J-Rock."


"J-Rock, what's that?" asked Pomme. Now it was hide's turn to give a dirty look, cringing Pomme hid behind Toto, I mean Sarai. She hid behind Sarai.


"You don't know about J-Rock? Why, this is the land of J-Rock from where you stand to the Pink Star City far to the West. Have you never heard of the forest of Guitars? Or the fields of Androgyny?"


"Um, going to have to say no on that one." replied Pomme. "But I would love to learn more about you and this place. I'm a big fan of androgyny."