A Bear-y Text

Bear: So, I think you should slather some honey all over you tonight.

Me: Why should I do that?

Bear: Because it will give your skin some extra moisture and... stuff?

Me: Or is it because you think I'll taste better with honey?

Bear: What?! What are you accusing me of?!

Me: I don't know, being an omnivore who might decide to feed its omnivorous nature by consuming my all too tender flesh slathered in "moisturizing" honey?

Bear: That's just insulting! Why would I suggest you slather yourself in delicious and delectable honey only so that I could then devour your mouthwatering-ly (is that a word?) sensationally moisturized flesh? I may be an omnivore, but I have standards.

Me: Are you insulting my flesh? Are you saying that I am not tasty enough for you? Is that what this is about?!

Bear: No! You are taking this all the wrong way! I'm just suggesting that you moisturize! It is good for your skin and good for your sense of well-being. Jesus, you'd think I was insulting your deliciousness or something!

Me: I think as soon as I have my back turned you are going to maul me and then slather me in honey and eat me. I can practically see you salivating from here! Also, is it cannibalism if you eat me, since you are a sentient bear? Doesn't that make you kind of close to human?

Bear: ...

Me: Nothing to say?

Bear: ...

Me: Hello? Are you still there?

Bear: ...

Me: Fine, if you're going to be a cub about things...

Bear: (suddenly behind me: screams) OM NOM NOM!!!

Me: (drops phone in a state of panic and flees)

Bear: (starts laughing hysterically and departs with my cell phone to wreck his terrible sense of humor on others)

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This blog was inspired by Kyle M. I hope you are happy Kyle. I blogged about bears.
This is also partially inspired by the following blog post by Fawn (http://namonakimichi.blogspot.com/2011/08/oh-my-fuck-fawn.html) about a girl whose mother listened to her get eaten by a bear.