I am God. And this is my Penis, Boris.

I decided to be random and post this lovely little blog. The following is something I wrote:

Hi, I'm God and I'm here to help you... Oh wait, I have to take another call, one moment!
Aside: Um, yeah, I'd like the beefy bean burrito... Extra cheese. No, no tomatoes. I don't know why I created that stuff.
Okay, back. So um, yeah, Africa needs me today. Sorry about your luck.
*Evaporates in a cloud of beefy-ness*

This next piece, however, was not. It was written by someone on DeviantArt by the name of Cosmic Penguin:

“Do you think my penis is too small?” God was in my living room, His pants around His ankles.
“I don’t know, Lord. Don’t they have pills for that in heaven?”
“It’s not as small as it looks,” God said, waving His holy member back and forth to some inaudible beat. “See, most people have good or bad hair days. I have God hair, it always looks the same. There’s a lot of it, and it sticks out in every fucking direction. Instead, I have good and bad penis days. When I wake up in the morning I look down into my holy undershorts to check on the blessed phallus, and depending on how it looks, I know what kind of day it’s going to be. Last Tuesday I woke up and the damn thing was hanging halfway down my thigh. I won three bucks from a scratch-off lotto card. Three bucks! But now I think it’s on a waning cycle. Does it look like its receding to you?”
I examined the Lord’s penis. Something was indeed very wrong.
“You aren’t really God, are you?” I asked.
God stopped shaking his penis and looked at the floor sadly.
“No.” He pulled His pants up to his stomach and left.
I’ve been an atheist ever since.


If God had a penis, what would He name it? I would think Boris. I don't know why. I just do. Boris is a nice name. Good, Russian name, right? Or does that sound to much like Boris from Rocky and Bullwinkle? Does God watch Rocky and Bullwinkle?

Donnie says He (As in God) would name it "The Holy Member". I say that is a boring name. He also says Why would God want a Penis? I don't know, but I am curious now. I mean, man WAS made in HIS image. And Man has a Penis. Then again, woman was taken out of Man and she has a Vagina. So does God have a Vagina?

Would He have Boobs too? I named mine David and Daniel. Would God name His Boobs, if He had them? Why did I name my boobs anyway? Is there a specific point to naming body parts?

Trent says:
*What do you need help with?
Sarai says:
*If God had a penis, what would He name it? I said Boris and Fawn and Donnie said "The Holy Member"
*What do you think?
Trent says:
*The Pearly Gate
Sarai says:
*Why?
Trent says:
**giggles*
Sarai says:
*I'm serious. Why?
Trent says:
*Because it's the gate that spews liquid pearly stuff.

For your enjoyment here are some articles about Gods and their penises. (Or is it Peni?)

Priapus: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priapus
Min: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Min_%28god%29

This has been a very penile blog. I hope you enjoyed it. I think I need a cigarette.

This has been Sarai and I am OUT!