All of Her: Chapter Three

It has been two weeks since David fully moved out. I can't stand being alone after having lived with at least one person all of my life. The quiet scares me sometimes. So I bought a Siamese cat and named him Snuggles.

I notified the landlord of David's moving out. He's still bound to the lease until I find a roommate, though. This makes me secretly happy. Even though he is gone, he is still stuck with me through the lease.

Today I am packing up my dirty laundry and loading up my 1989 Geo Spectrum. I am going to my mother's to do laundry because I can't stand the silence at the apartment.

I haven't called it home since he left. I suppose the saying is true, "Home is where the heart is." I no longer have a heart, therefore I am homeless.

Snuggles meows at me and his silky snake of a tail swishes back and forth. His bright blue-green eyes look curious and he tilts his head to one side as if to ask a question.

I sink down to pet him and suddenly find myself crying with him snuggled against me. At least someone still loves me.

After my little cry I right myself and head out.

The drive to my mother's is not very long, but the route is curvy. Not the best drive to take when you are distracted.

I realize that it is getting warmer now. We will be fully into summer in about a week. I've been so blinded by my own despair I didn't even notice the advent of green. I actually smile. It is a bitter-sweet smile of course, but it is progress as Noah would say.

My mom's house is a beautiful two story Victorian in the middle of a luxurious suburb downtown. It is cream with pink trim, a perfectly manicured lawn and a long driveway with twin weeping willows on either side.

After my father passed away, Mom moved here with myself, my two younger sisters and my older sister, Anna. My older brother, Kevin, moved into the old house. She has since re-married and Bradley (Brad as we call him) keeps everything very neat.

When I pull up I am greeted by sweet chaos.

Anna and her husband, Greg are over with their two children. Their children, Elizabeth and Kristopher, are chasing Mom's dog, Biscuit, around the side yard. Anna and Greg are unpacking a small of box, though I am not sure of the contents. Probably pictures for Mom to hang.

Emma, my fifteen year old sister, is whining to Mom about her cell phone while Sophie, who is seventeen, is begging to go to a homecoming dance. Brad is on a ladder working on the gutters and is the only one to acknowledge my arrival with a smile and a wave.

Lastly my older brother, Kevin, pulls up in his mustang convertible.

"Looks like the gang is all here." I say, waving at Kev.

"Timing is everything." He says. He smiles at the very full yard and shuts his door.

"Have I forgotten someone's birthday? Or a major holiday?" I query. Normally everyone wouldn't just be randomly gathered at Mom's house. I begin to tick off a mental calendar. No, no holidays or birthdays. None that I can think of anyway.

"I don't think you have." says Kevin. He is going over a mental check list too.

We hug and then link arms as we walk toward Anna's minivan. Anna and Greg have stopped for a moment to kiss each other. I wince at their happiness. Just then Kris and Beth come running, shouting,

"Auntie Abra, Uncle Kev!" Chubby cherub arms twine themselves around our waists in bear hugs. I can't help but smile and laugh. I pick up Kris, who is four, and kiss his cheek. He smiles then wiggles out of my grasp.

"'Ello, Greg." says Kev. The two shake hands and Kev gives Anna's cheek a peck.

My mother finally manages to tear herself away from Sophie and Emma to come and hug us. Brad comes up and shakes Kev's hand.

"'Ello, Brad." says Kev. "Taking good care of my mother?"

"Always, Kevin, always." replies Brad. This is how they have greeted each other since Mom and Brad got married eight years ago. Brad smiles and puts a loving hand on Mom's shoulder.

"Let's all go into the house and have some tea and cookies." says Mom, beaming. She always looks so happy when we are all there.

In a cluster we go into the house and congregate, like a murder of crows, in the living room. Sophie comes and sits on the arm of chair and rests her cheek on my shoulder.

"Hello, Sophie." I say, wrapping an arm around my sister's shoulder. "How is school going?"

"Its okay. Mom doesn't want me going to the homecoming though." she sighs. I know my sister. She wants me to talk to Mom for her.

"Why not?" I ask.

"I don't have a chaperon. She has an art class to teach that night and Brad will be out of town on business." Sophie looks at me imploringly. I can't resist those pretty green puppy dog eyes.

"I'll see what I can do." I say. Sophie squeals and kisses my cheek before going to hug Kevin.

I realize that this is a perfect opportunity for me. I can start my plans at the homecoming dance. Surely Sophie has a few cute teachers. Right?

As I'm planning, Anna comes up and sits next to me.

"You okay Abe?" she asks, using a nickname she hasn't used since we were little girls. She is worrying about me, I can see it in her eyes. Though she tries to mask it.

"I'm fine." I say, quickly. I smile my best smile to re-assure her, but she doesn't seem convinced. She knows me better than that.

"Mom says you bought a new cat. Are you happy? I know you'd been wanting to get another since Cleocatra passed on."

I love my sister so much right now. She knows I'm lying, but she goes with it anyway. Could I ask for a better one?

Before I can answer, Emma comes up and sits in my lap.

"A-baa," she says, using the baby name she called me when she was little. She lays her head on my shoulder wraps her arms around my neck. "can I spend the night with you this weekend? I miss you."

I wrap my arms around her and sigh into her hair.

"Have you already asked Mom about it?" I ask.

"No. But I know she'll say yes. Please? I'll bring my Florence and the Machine CD and we can watch Marilyn Monroe movies. We can make a sleepover of it! Please, A-baa?"

I can't resist when she calls me that. Being the youngest of the family, Emma gets away with a little more than the rest of us. Partially because we older siblings are the ones letting her get away with it.

"Okay, Em. If Mom gives the okay you can come over."

With a joyous little giggle she hops out of my lap and runs off to ask Mom's permission. A wistful smile creeps onto my face. At her age I was spending all of my time with David. I was so infatuated with him. What a waste of my time and youth.

Not being blind, Anna gives me a look of understanding. She hugs me before getting pulled away by her children.

I sit still, fighting off the overwhelming sadness that creeps up. I am so focused, I don't realize Mom has come up to sit beside me. I don't notice until she speaks.

"When your father died, we had been married for nineteen years. But we had been together for twenty-two. He was my best friend, my lover and confidante. We had five beautiful children and I believed we'd have five more. As well as many more years together.

"I was devastated. If not for you children and your grandmother, God rest her, I would never have survived. I didn't believe I was strong at all. I was a thirty-eight year old woman with five children, one of which was four, all on her own. But I lived. And I eventually fell in love with another man. Did he replace your father? No.

"But he did help support me while the gash in my heart healed into a still pink scar. Brad and I have been married for only eight years. Not even half of what I was married to your father. But he has been just as much my friend, lover and confidante. When it starts to feel overwhelming, because it will, remember it isn't the end. You are still young. You are stronger than you think. And, no matter what, I love you."

She smiles at me and pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. I try to smile back. It is wobbly, but I manage and she hugs me. I snuggle into her embrace and take a deep breathe to stifle a sob. I realize how comforting the smell of her is. She smells like fresh bread and honeysuckle. She smells like home to me. I am home in my mother's arms. Even though my heart is still missing, a little piece floats back into place.