Life isn't fair. I knew that. I was born knowing that life was never going to be fair, nor would it always be beautiful. But I don't understand why so many moments are harder than others and I don't understand why we hate each other so much that we are willing to destroy not only ourselves but those around us.
I want to know why I can't seem to hang on to the sunshine, even when it is cloudy. I want to know why? It makes no sense to me.
And I don't even know why I am writing. I feel like bawling and I don't know why. I just miss some people that I had been doing so well to forget or not think about. It leads nowhere to think about them when all I do is cry.
I think I want to cry for the characters in "Les Liaisons Dangereuses" even though they are imaginary. They can only have tears on paper, so maybe I am meant to bear the tears for them. I understand them much better than I thought I would, isn't love a universal loss? A universal pain which is stronger than reason, stronger than faith and hate. But the most painful corruption ever.
I want to cry because of a beautiful song that I understand with my soul, but not with my mind. I want to cry for babies that never see sunshine and the strong women and men in my life that I had to let go of far too soon. I want to cry for the little girl I never was and I want to cry because I am so tired of it all. It's ridiculous, you know. Sometimes I wonder how any of us survive. Of course, with life no one gets out alive. That is a universal truth is it not?
This is what is on repeat currently,
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