I'd rather say nothing at all and pray, to whomever listens, that you accept me, than to say what I'm truly thinking right now and be rejected.
Is it unfair?
Is it wrong?
You said you loved me, once. That beautiful day, I couldn't say it back to you. You never said it again. Though I've said it a million times since then.
Is it hard?
Is it painful?
I thought I'd cried the last tears I was going to over you. But I keep thinking of the things you said, when you loved me. That beautiful day, I couldn't bring myself to say it back. I tried, but my throat closed and my eyes filled with tears. I showed you, the only way I knew how. I held you closer, I pulled up my walls. I didn't believe you then, though I wanted to. I wanted to hear you say that over and over until the end of time. I wanted to belong to you. I wanted to.
Do I regret it?
Should I try to forget it?
You come to me, in random moments. Random memories, glimpses of happier times. Times when we talked. Times when we hugged. Days I miss more than anything else.
Isn't it ridiculous how I still let you haunt me?
Isn't it sad that I wish you still loved me?
Did you ever truly love me? Was it for the best that you never said those words again? Can I forget the look on your face when I pressed my lips together? When I said "Yeah, right?" Can I ever forgive myself for that look on your face? Can I ever forget that you never said it again?
Isn't it tiresome how I keep coming back to this moment?
Isn't it bewildering how I never think of you, then you are suddenly all I remember?
All I keep thinking is that I am Scarlett O'Hara, standing on the stair landing, calling to you. Telling you I love you. Begging you to stay. You just turn, your Clark Gable sneer. "Frankly, my dear..."
And isn't it tragic?
Isn't it pitiful?
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Terminal
A terminal illness has crept into our soul and we only have so long to live.
We spend all of our time thinking about what is going to happen to us.
We are a beautiful hourglass slowly losing all of its sand.
Time is Running Out.
Doomsday is near and I am Andromeda tied to the rock with no Perseus to save me.
Do we move forward?
We certainly can't move backwards. There is no going back and we can't stand
at this impasse forever.
There is no choice, but to move forward.
And what a bitter future lies ahead? What tests that we cannot pass?
What pieces of ourselves must be sacrificed to the heathen gods for just a few moments more?
Is all of this in my head?
Or am I doomed to awaken next to the bones of what could've been beautiful once?
We spend all of our time thinking about what is going to happen to us.
We are a beautiful hourglass slowly losing all of its sand.
Time is Running Out.
Doomsday is near and I am Andromeda tied to the rock with no Perseus to save me.
Do we move forward?
We certainly can't move backwards. There is no going back and we can't stand
at this impasse forever.
There is no choice, but to move forward.
And what a bitter future lies ahead? What tests that we cannot pass?
What pieces of ourselves must be sacrificed to the heathen gods for just a few moments more?
Is all of this in my head?
Or am I doomed to awaken next to the bones of what could've been beautiful once?
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Video Games: A Review
Hello Everyone! Today is Sunshiney Sunday and I am as crazy as ever! In fact, I'm going to "review" some video games just because I've been on a video game kick for about a week now. I've sacrificed like 80 hours to one game in particular, which I'm pretty sure makes me an addict. Just sayin'.
First up is my all time favorite video game (I'll blog about other video games as I play them), partially because of the game itself and partially because it was the first video game I actually wanted to try (after watching Donnie play it for a couple of weeks after we started dating).
BioShock!
BioShock is set in an underwater city called Rapture during the 1960's. Rapture is the brain child of Andrew Ryan, the worst kind of villain in that he truly believes in his cause. However, as many great civilizations, Rapture has begun to collapse.
"We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us." - Andrew Ryan.
You meet a myriad of villains/people in this game. The most prolific being "Splicers". The splicers are people who have become addicted to genetic modification (Plasmids) and have, in turn, gone completely insane. You use plasmids as well, after gaining "ADAM", which is the key to the genetic modification.
"Plasmids changed everything. They destroyed our bodies, our minds; we couldn't handle it. Best friends butchering one another, babies strangled in cribs... the whole city went to Hell." - Atlas.
"ADAM" is harvested by the "Little Sisters" from the many corpses populating Rapture and you can gain "ADAM" by either saving or harvesting the Little Sisters. Little Sisters are little girls taken by the scientists of Rapture and used to help create more "ADAM" through processes that would be Spoilerific.
"Look, Mr. Bubbles. It's an angel! I can see light coming from his belly." - Little Sister.
A couple really cool facts about this game
A good portion of the game is based on Ayn Rand, Randian Philosophy and Objectivism. Andrew Ryan is a male personification of Ayn Rand, Frank Fontaine's name is taken from her book "The Fountainhead" and Atlas' name is taken from her other book "Atlas Shrugged".
To use plasmids you must use "EVE" hypos, the counterpart to "ADAM".
BioShock was originally going to be about a "cult deprogrammer" (according to Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BioShock#Development). Reading what Wiki has to say, I would totally play a game like that and I hope someone follows that idea soon!
You can totally spot Pac-Man, play guitar, catch a creepy glimpse of a Little Sister, see Jack's (your character) face and spot Ayn Rand's face.
First up is my all time favorite video game (I'll blog about other video games as I play them), partially because of the game itself and partially because it was the first video game I actually wanted to try (after watching Donnie play it for a couple of weeks after we started dating).
BioShock!
BioShock is set in an underwater city called Rapture during the 1960's. Rapture is the brain child of Andrew Ryan, the worst kind of villain in that he truly believes in his cause. However, as many great civilizations, Rapture has begun to collapse.
"We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us." - Andrew Ryan.
You meet a myriad of villains/people in this game. The most prolific being "Splicers". The splicers are people who have become addicted to genetic modification (Plasmids) and have, in turn, gone completely insane. You use plasmids as well, after gaining "ADAM", which is the key to the genetic modification.
"Plasmids changed everything. They destroyed our bodies, our minds; we couldn't handle it. Best friends butchering one another, babies strangled in cribs... the whole city went to Hell." - Atlas.
"ADAM" is harvested by the "Little Sisters" from the many corpses populating Rapture and you can gain "ADAM" by either saving or harvesting the Little Sisters. Little Sisters are little girls taken by the scientists of Rapture and used to help create more "ADAM" through processes that would be Spoilerific.
"Look, Mr. Bubbles. It's an angel! I can see light coming from his belly." - Little Sister.
A couple really cool facts about this game
A good portion of the game is based on Ayn Rand, Randian Philosophy and Objectivism. Andrew Ryan is a male personification of Ayn Rand, Frank Fontaine's name is taken from her book "The Fountainhead" and Atlas' name is taken from her other book "Atlas Shrugged".
To use plasmids you must use "EVE" hypos, the counterpart to "ADAM".
BioShock was originally going to be about a "cult deprogrammer" (according to Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BioShock#Development). Reading what Wiki has to say, I would totally play a game like that and I hope someone follows that idea soon!
You can totally spot Pac-Man, play guitar, catch a creepy glimpse of a Little Sister, see Jack's (your character) face and spot Ayn Rand's face.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Amanda
Your song of the day is from Spain! It is by a group called D*Nash and the song is called Amanda!! I love this song! My darling Phil introduced me to it and I have been hopelessly addicted ever since. So, if you are intrigued by music from around the globe here is your chance to listen to some. Enjoy!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
The Day the Earth was Supposed to End
Yesterday the world was supposed to end. Jesus was supposed to come back and rapture a bunch of the faithful home. After that who knows? Zombie Apocolaypse? All I know is that it didn't happen.
Some guy predicted this because of supposed events in tandem with the Bible's description of said events, numerology and the belief that he could figure it out all on his own, even though the Bible says,
* Matthew chapter 24, verse 36:
"But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only."
* Matthew chapter 24, verse 42:
"Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come."
* 1st Thessalonians chapter 5, verse 2:
"For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night."
For years, generations before us have believed that the world was about to come to an end. Every generation has been outlived by the world they claimed would end. Why would this be anything different? And why would Jesus (and Paul) say "of that day and hour knoweth no man" only to be proved a liar by some random guy on the news? God is perfect, according to the Bible, so how can he lie? Lying is a sin, as listed in the 10 commandmants, and God is perfect and without sin.
Therefore, anyone claiming to know the day and the hour is obviously lying, because the Bible says that God cannot lie, because he is perfect and He already said that no man may know the day or time!
Anyway, this kind of thing really bugs me. People claiming to be Christians and claiming to know the scriptures make complete fools of themselves and everyone that believes them. When I was a Christian that made me mad because I felt like it made all of us look bad. Not going to lie, but it still makes Christians look bad, even though I'm not one now.
How is it that at 22 years old, not having been a "Christian" for a few years now, I still know more than some 80-something year old man who claims he knows when the rapture is supposed to happen? How does that make any sense?
To anyone who actually believed this all I have to say is, as my, very wise, Aunt Peggy said to me:
"Time all fools were dead, don't you feel sick?"
Some guy predicted this because of supposed events in tandem with the Bible's description of said events, numerology and the belief that he could figure it out all on his own, even though the Bible says,
* Matthew chapter 24, verse 36:
"But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only."
* Matthew chapter 24, verse 42:
"Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come."
* 1st Thessalonians chapter 5, verse 2:
"For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night."
For years, generations before us have believed that the world was about to come to an end. Every generation has been outlived by the world they claimed would end. Why would this be anything different? And why would Jesus (and Paul) say "of that day and hour knoweth no man" only to be proved a liar by some random guy on the news? God is perfect, according to the Bible, so how can he lie? Lying is a sin, as listed in the 10 commandmants, and God is perfect and without sin.
Therefore, anyone claiming to know the day and the hour is obviously lying, because the Bible says that God cannot lie, because he is perfect and He already said that no man may know the day or time!
Anyway, this kind of thing really bugs me. People claiming to be Christians and claiming to know the scriptures make complete fools of themselves and everyone that believes them. When I was a Christian that made me mad because I felt like it made all of us look bad. Not going to lie, but it still makes Christians look bad, even though I'm not one now.
How is it that at 22 years old, not having been a "Christian" for a few years now, I still know more than some 80-something year old man who claims he knows when the rapture is supposed to happen? How does that make any sense?
To anyone who actually believed this all I have to say is, as my, very wise, Aunt Peggy said to me:
"Time all fools were dead, don't you feel sick?"
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