I don't understand popular culture's views on virginity. Particularly the ones revolving around losing said virginity. Books, Movies, TV shows, etc... They make it seem like the most amazing experience. Worth all kinds of trouble and perfect every time it happens. No one ever admits that losing their virginity sucked hard core. No one ever wants to read about that. If they are reading about it, they want it to be beautiful so they can pretend that was their experience too.
Truth of the matter is this:
Losing your virginity (if you are a woman) is not really pleasant. It varies from woman to woman, but even if it doesn't hurt (the actual penetration that is) it is still super uncomfortable because your hips aren't used to it. There may be a little blood or a lot, depending, again, on who you are.
And sometimes we lose our virginity to someone who doesn't deserve it and that thing we've always been told is precious is gone. It makes the whole situation miserable to even think about. But when a book or a movie portrays losing your v-card as beautiful and romantic and pain/blood free, they are lying to you.
Yes, it may be romantic. I'll give you that. Mine wasn't super romantic (mostly by my choice, really). Yes it may be relatively pain/blood free. But it is still super awkward, uncomfortable and if you are unlucky with a partner, traumatizing.
Losing your virginity (if you are a man) is not like having sex later on, when you've learned to control yourself. You are probably not going to last more than a few minutes. Some men last longer, but, once again, it entirely relies on the individual. You are not going to be the best in stamina and sex and the world on your first try. Not how that works.
Also you aren't going to be "good" at sex the first time you do it. No one is. The books/movies/tv lie to you when they make it appear that you are the perfect lover right from the get go. Truly not the way it works. Like many other things, it takes practice to be a good lover/partner. Whilst you may be better than average, you aren't going to be the best right off the bat. It takes a couple tries to be really good at something.
I don't understand why we portray it in a better light, really. Are we afraid that young people are going to be scared off from sex forever and then we'll slowly die out? Because desire will win out in the end. It always does.
Also, I don't fully understand why women portray the loss of virginity as beautiful, pain free, etc... while men (who've never actually experienced it like we do) portray it exactly as it is. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't the men be trying to make it seem better? I mean, because they are the "takers" in this situation. They are the ones removing said virginity, so wouldn't you think they'd want to make it seem like they are all wonderful and gentle lovers who make everything perfect every time? Nope. They are the ones being, brutally (sometimes), honest and women are the ones covering it up in flowery phrases and metaphors.
I suppose, on a cognitive level, I understand this. Especially if the particular virginity losing episode was traumatic/painful/bloody/weird/uncomfortable for the particular female writer. I can see that. Trying to make it better than it is. But shouldn't you also be realistic? I mean, because you are influencing the young women around you.
They are all going to be disappointed with their first time, because it will never be as wonderful as the books/movies/tv shows make it out to be. They are all going to be saddened by the experience because it wasn't what they had been lead to believe it would be.
I suppose I am also very much guilty of making it flowery in my own story... However, that was between two women and that makes things a little different. There is no actual hymen breaking, unless you go for a dildo. Which my characters didn't. Physically, Jahan leaves that relationship intact. Emotionally, sexually, mentally, she isn't so intact. But that is a different story all together.
Ladies, your first time is different depending on who you are. Everyone is different. Your first time may be everything the books/movies/tv shows promise it will be. If it is, congrats! You have discovered something wonderful.
Gentleman, your first time is different depending on who you are. Everyone is different. Your first time may be everything the books/movies/tv shows promise it will be. If it is, congrats! You aren't like a whole bunch of other guys.
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